GRATEFUL FOR VALUABLE LESSONS LEARNED

The Almighty must have been frustrated with me all these years because I just wasn't getting it.  Talking didn't work!!!!   I couldn't see what was in front of me.

I have learned a lot of valuable lessons this summer because of   "HI" a I have named it.  I am grateful to the Almighty for not giving up and finding a way to make me "see."  I am so much better for it.

Last night a group of friends went to dinner and a book discussion.  I had a wonderful time.  I have truly moved on. It makes me laugh inside when he asks if the argument is over.  He has no clue.

I am grateful to the Almighty for not giving up on me. I have learned valuable lessons.

GRATEFUL THAT I ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES

I am grateful to the Almighty for making me a strong, capable woman who loves life.

I am happy.

I have energy.

I will have a good day.

GRATEFUL FOR ABILITY TO SURVIVE

I am going to continue to live in this house.  My mantra will be:  "I HAVE JOY!!!   I HAVE ENERGY!!!!  I WILL HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!

He does make this more difficult.  Each day, he tries to latch on to something that we can banter about.  Usually it is something that he considers an injustice to himself. 

Last night, he asked me to read and correct something.  I did it and of course was not thanked until I happened to ask if he read it.   This morning he received an 8AM phone call.  He answered it and continued to speak.  I went to walk and was then blamed for not putting a bandage on him.  I explained that I wasn't going to wait but then I did a bright thing.  I DROPPED IT!!!!  NO BANTERING!!!!!   HOW SAD!!!

Life is good.  I have learned something.

Today I have yoga, dinner out and a wonderful book discussion.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my life.

GRATEFUL FOR THE SUMMER

As is my custom, I walk every morning.  Today I began to evaluate the summer because I realized that next Monday, it's  Labor Day and then back to work.

I felt that I had a really good summer.   While it is true, I lived it mostly by myself, I am proud to say that I enjoyed many things and accomplished a lot.  

I really enjoyed the spiritualness of the morning prayer service.  It was hard to be there by 6:30, but I really appreciated it when I was told that I was number 10 and that they had a minyon. I met new people and I got to chat with some friends.

I enjoyed walking.  It was meditative and thought-provoking.  It helped me to plan my day and I loved the music on the I-POD.

I am proud to say that I was involved with 2 races.  I walked THE HEART AND SOLE RACE and went to the WORKMAN'S CHALLENGE at JONES BEACH.

I took a class.  This allowed me to complete a block of 12 for a salary raise.  It's my last block of 12 unless I see courses that I really like.  The hotel was nice and I did take it with friends.

I attended THE GREAT BOOKS LONG ISLAND DISCUSSION and drove myself there and back.  I really enjoyed the selections and the people.

I enjoyed going to the afternoon book discussions at the Plainview Library.  It was fun having lunch with my friends.

I have now given the Plainview library my e-mail address so they can notify me about upcoming events.

Speaking of library events, I went to the discussion of THE GREAT GATSBY.

I am now listening to THE GREAT GATSBY as an audio book.

This summer, I experimented with audio books and found them enjoyable.  I listened to 3 of them. One was THE GREAT GATSBY.  There was also, THE DESCENDENTS, and THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE for book discussions.

I enjoyed going to the Syosset library's book discussions.  They are held in the evening and I treat myself to dinner out.

I truly love yoga and meditation.  I went to a RESTORATIVE WORKSHOP this summer. I took a class in YOGA AND MEDITATION as well as my regular classes.

I attended the YOGA BOOK DISCUSSION GROUP.

This encouraged me to purchase a KINDLE and I've read 2 books on the Kindle.

I have enjoyed going out with friends for dinner.

I have even gone shopping with friends at the mall.

I promised myself that I would clean my closets and I did.  I even did the drawers.

I put my bank accounts on line at my bank.

I had all my charity money counted and then donated to my synagogue.

I attended a wonderful lecture about BATTLES OF THE CIVIL WAR.

My implants are done.

I got a flu shot.

It's been a fine summer.   The horrible thing that happened to me on July 31st changed my life for the better and will keep me alive longer.  The little voice is most important.  I now know that he can't be trusted and that he is deceptive.  I've learned to leave him alone.  Since they defended him and weren't there for me, I uninvited them for the holidays and I don't care anymore.  I understand thanks to my friends talking to me that he is manipulating his disabilities and I'm no longer afraid.  I have grown from this experience.  

Strange to say, I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR MY SCHEDULE

I went back to my Beginners Yoga Class which was always Sunday mornings.   I took a break so that he could go to Westhampton and you see how that turned out.

But, I'm back!!!!  My schedule is back!!!  Fall is coming!!!  I can feel it in the air.  Summer is by far, my favorite season, but I can't wait to get back to all my activities!!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!  

GRATEFUL FOR STRENGTH

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me the strength to deal with adversity.  Although it is difficult at times, I know that I will be able to survive with your help, love and guidance.

GRATITUDE FOR BEING ABLE TO READ

I read an article in todays NY Times about a woman who had a major stroke.  She was killed by her husband as "a mercy killing".  Before this happened, the husband was the "sick" one.  He had cancer, diabetes and neuropathy. Yet, the wife had the major stroke.

I was glad that I read this because it could have happened to me and he would say, "well, she yells too much...........she has emotional issues."

What happened to me this summer was a scare.

I must continue to be careful.

I am grateful to the Almighty for showing me this article.

GRATEFUL FOR MY LITTLE QUIET VOICE

My matra is:   I AM JOYFUL!!!!!   I HAVE ENERGY!!!!!  I WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL TODAY!!!!!

Today he began a confrontation.   I never raised my voice.   At one point I even walked out of the room.   I'm placing my mind on other things.  I'm doing very well.

I am grateful to the Almighty for learning this!!!!!


I decided to go back to my office today to get re-acquainted with MY REAL LIFE!!!

I'm back!!

I am so grateful to the Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL THAT I'M A SURVIVOR

My matra is:   I HAVE JOY!!!!  I HAVE ENERGY!!!!  I WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

No matter what he does, I'm having wonderful, fun days.   I know exactly what to expect from him and I act accordingly.

I am a survivor!

I am grateful to the Almighty!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR LEARNING

My matra is I am joyful!!!  I have energy!!!!  I will have a good day!!!  I did!!!

My implants are completed!!!!

On the way home, he tried to bait me and he failed.

I knew what to do.

I learned.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR SPEAKING UP

I thought about this for a very long time.  After how little those girls did for me after the horrible thing he did to me, why was I inviting them for Jewish holidays that I observe and they don't???

The older one decided to go to her boyfriend for Rosh Hashana.  That meant that she would come to us for Yom Kippur.  Why???  So I talked to him about this in a little quiet voice.  There would be no one coming to us since he did that horrific thing to my friends.  She would be all alone.  Breakfast would consist of a bagel for her.  What a waste of time.  He agreed and cancelled her.

The other one is a thief.  Everything of value has to be locked in my truck.  Why bother?  He never like her too much anyway.  He agreed to cancel her too!!!!

I'm free to pray to Gd on my own!!!!

I am grateful that you Almighty put this idea in my head and allowed me to speak up.

GRATEFUL THAT I WENT TO YOGA TODAY

I was grateful to the Almighty that I went to a yoga class today.   I learned a matra that I'm always going to use!!!!!

YOU ARE JOYFUL!!!!!  YOU HAVE ENERGY!!!!!!  YOU WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!!

Notice that the matra is all about ME!!!!!

I also have another matra that I learned from a book that I completed for the SISTERHOOD BOOK CLUB.

NEVER SURRENDER!!!!   

I won't!!!!

I'm going to the Hamptons this weekend and will be using these matras.  They will be my intentions for each day.

I am grateful to the Almighty for leading me to yoga today!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE PSYCHIATRIST I MET

The Almighty must have been so frustrated with me.  I talked and entertained and talked some more.  Nothing changed!!!!  The talking continued!!! I became depressed.  The verbal abuse continued.  What fun it was for him!!!

Now, with one conversation from one doctor, it's over!!!!

My life is a vacation and I'm in charge.

What a relief!!!

What a blessing!!!

Thank you Almighty!!

I am grateful!!

GRATEFUL THAT I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING HAS A REASON TO MOVE ME FORWARD

I totally feel like I am on vacation.   What happened to me was horrible, but it allowed me to finally be free.  I don't owe anyone, anything.  I don't have to worry about anyone, but myself.  That has never happened to me before.  It feels so wonderful and so light.   If the horrible thing had not happened, I would be burdened and now I'm not.  It's a simple as that.  It's over!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for the horrible thing because it moved me forward.  I imagine the Almighty must have been very frustrated with me because I just didn't "see" and now I do.

I am grateful!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

I  had an absolutely wonderful day yesterday.  I went shopping and had dinner with a friend.

Today is great also.  I went to the minyon early in the morning.  It was wonderfully spiritual.  I even got to go to Weight Watchers where, SURPRISE, I lost weight.

Now I'm off to a private yoga lesson.

Later I have Fiesta BINGO through my Sisterhood.

I have learned how to speak to him and life is good.

I am grateful to the Almighty for all this!

GRATEFUL FOR FRIENDS

What a beautiful day it is.  As I walked this morning, a friend stopped me and said that she would pick me up for Fiesta Bingo tomorrow.  I am happy to have friends.

I am grateful for this day also.   I am meeting another friend at the mall and we are going shopping and to dinner.  I am very happy.

I have succeeded in being very quiet around the three of them.

Life is a vacation for me.

Thank you Almighty for this day!!!!!

GRATEFUL THAT I WENT TO THE CEMETERY

I  go to the cemetery in New Jersey every year before the Jewish holidays.  He drives me.  His parents are buried in another cemetery close by.

I was proud of myself today, because here we were in a car, and I wouldn't let him needle me.  I practiced my "quiet voice" and kept saying that I would be walking out of a room as my "doctor" said if he did it at home.  I must always remember to have gotten a good nights sleep before I go in a car with him.

He was beyond frustrated and angered.  I didn't fold. I'm getting good at taking care of myself.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR SHABBOS

I did not go out east this weekend.  Therefore, I could attend services at my synagogue.

I am grateful for the day and grateful that it is Shabbos.

There was something good that came out of what they did to me.  SILENCE!!! I AM ON VACATION!!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty that I am healthy and happy today.   I am creating a life for myself that I enjoy and that is the most important thing.

Actually, I'm enjoying this because all my life I have helped and taught people and this feels like a vacation.

May it continue to always feel like this!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR SURVIVAL

I'm doing what needs to be done in order to live a quality life for MYSELF.  I am proud of what I have done.

Thanks to the Almighty!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A PLAN

There was a plan right under my nose, but I was too blind to see it.  I had done it with my younger daughter years ago when she came back from college and didn't want to work.  She would attack me because she had to work  in order to have medical insurance.  The attack came early in the morning when I was on my way to work to upset me.  My plan was to take a walk, for exercise, when she got up and to return home after she left for work.   It worked.

I realized that I need to do that again.  I need to get up and leave when the signs are showing that he is ready to upset me or try to banter.   I need to be quiet. Growing up, I remember, my mother yelling at my father because he refused to pay bills.  My brother yelled too.  I was quiet thinking that they were both crazy.  This man wasn't going to change.  If he did for a bit, when my mother refused to make dinner, as soon as she began again the issues started.  I believed that she should leave.  I believed that he would never change.

I fall into the same pattern as my mom in the summer when I let down my guard with him.  I will be quiet because he doesn't matter anymore.  This is going to be like a vacation.

As far as those daughters, holidays will be much easier when the older one doesn't come.  The man she has chosen is much like her father and grandfather.  That's her problem!!!!!

Thanks to the Almighty for the insight!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR STRENGTH and REVELATIONS

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me the strength to understand that there are situations that I have no control over.  I am so grateful that I finally am at a point in my life where I understand that I'm first and the only one that matters.

This revelation took a long time to understand but, in the long run, it has freed me from being bothered.   I can finally be responsible for my own life.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR STRENGTH

I'm praying to the Almighty that I have the strength to be calm, cool and collected with him.  He feels very successful after what he did to me on Tuesday and he has a helper in Hilary.  


He is looking for something to bait me with.  I have to use all of my strength to survive.


With the Almighty's help, I will prevail and forge a new road that I will enjoy!!!!!


Thanks to the Almighty, I was able to withstand todays assault.  It was quite easy because it doesn't mean anything to me anymore!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR INFORMATION

I know what he did to me.   I know what he would like to do.  My intention is not to let that happen.   My plan is not to let anything he says today bother me.   I realize that each day he will be looking for a new way to upset me, but now that the story has been written, I need to beat him at his own game!!!!!!


I took the second part of my class today.   Sadly, I don't do highways and so he had to drive me.  I was polite and respectful with superficial and factual conversation.


He has changed the password for his AOL account and I wanted to know why.  He told me that I won't let him on Facebook.   This could have become a whole discussion, but I didn't answer.  I just said that I wanted to see the information that Hilary sent him.  I heard him tell Ellen that Hilary is handling the "situation."  I must be the "situation."  I told him in the quietest voice that I could muster that I just wanted to look at the sight.


It was a sight for a borderline-personality disorder!  It's amazing how the man is nasty and abusive to me and yet I have become the problem!!!!   


Anyway, he asked me if I had read it and I said I hadn't.   He waited a bit and then said that he was going to lie down.  He wound up taking the dog for a walk. 


He's definitely looking for a new bait to carry on again, but he won't find it in me.

GRATEFUL FOR STRENGTH

It's been a few days and I can finally write about what he did to me.  I am grateful that the Almighty has given me the strength to get through this.


He banters and refuses to accept consequences for things that he has done.   Last year, as we know, he sent Roto-Rooter and Mario's to my friends house but, he forgot to BLOCK the phone number.  It was obvious what he did.


The consequence was that I built my own life and don't tell him about my friends.


This does not sit well with him and he banters continually.  One has to be strong. On Tuesday, July 31, he bantered, and I got so angry that I left the car.  He walked out of the car also in the street and called 911 on me.  I was taken to a locked ward at NCMC!!!!


I explained to the therapist what he did and how I try to talk with him to explain.  The doctor said that if it hasn't worked in 41 years, GIVE UP!!!!  When he gets like this, LEAVE THE ROOM OR THE HOUSE!!!!


Would you believe that my daughter thinks that I should see a doctor and be placed on medication for anger?  I agreed to shut her up, but she is history, as he is too!


I am grateful to the Almighty for my strength to be able to withstand this.  He is dying from this because I say what I have to and no more.


He will not be the cause of my death!!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR EMOTIONAL STRENGTH

The Almighty is helping me to get through this and for that I am grateful.  I am going to be strong about this and get through this.    


I am glad in hindsight that this part of his personality was shown to me.   I could have mistakenly retired or bought a larger condo if his act had kept up.


Even if I was caught, I could evaluate what to do next and show some emotional strength so that I won't be caught again.  


I am grateful!!!!!

GRATEFUL THAT I"M STILL ALIVE

Yesterday was a HORRIBLE DAY!!!  I'm going to have to come up with new strategies if I'm going to survive.


My intention is to do just that otherwise his actions will kill me.  I will learn to zip my mouth and to walk away from him into another room OR out of the house.


The Almighty will protect me.  I will survive.