Gratitude Today

I would be so grateful if this jury duty experience was over!!!!!!!!

I am so grateful that it's over for 6 beautiful years and I can return to work!!!!!

NEW COURSE

I am so grateful that I have become adventuresome. Tonight, I'm going to a CHABAD course on finances. I have never been there and I'm doing it myself!!!!!!!

Gratitude for Success

It was a wonderful weekend. I did everything that I enjoyed. Today I walked for 2 hours and my gosh, it's January!!! Then I went to my yoga class. I filled up the truck with gas and picked up Dunkin' Donuts coffee which I love. After brunch, I headed to Nick and Louie for color and blow out!! And there, I got to read my book, THE TENTH DOOR.

I came home, paid some bills, made eggplant, read the NY TIMES, spoke to my friends, texted my daughter and played with Matzah.

I found something in NEWSDAY for a 6 week course at Chabad in finances. I called and am going to check it out tomorrow night.

And him? Four moods! Anger and accuse, Silence, My Chest Hurts and Deep love. Now I ask you, don't I have a lot to be grateful for???

And I don't have jury duty tomorrow!!!!!!

I Didn't Fall For It......

I live in the moment. Today's moment was going to synagogue for the Men's Club and Sisterhood Sabbath. It was wonderful. I have so many friends and acquaintances there.

When I came home, and I laugh when I say this, I was verbally attacked. He does NOTHING, but stew in his own juices that I got away. Yesterday, it was the silent treatment. Today, it was I accuse you. I didn't fall for any of it because my moment upon coming home was my walk.

I am grateful that the weather has been so beautiful that I can walk for two hours and that I avoid toxic people and that I didn't fall for the trap!!!!!

I Am Grateful That It's Friday

It's Friday!!!! It's Shabbos!!! Spritual peace. I learned today in THE TENTH DOOR that you must control your mind or negativity will!!!! I'm going to practice that this weekend!!!!!

Grateful That I Can Fool People

I'm happy with myself!!! I like my life!!! No one is able to destroy me or begin to argue with me. I've learned not to engage in confrontation if I don't want to. It's my choice. Learning that my life is my choice is new to me. I'm grateful that I'm learning. It is not my job to make the world happy.

I did this today and it worked.

The Tenth Door By Michele Hebert

More teachings from, THE TENTH DOOR

*Get hold of your mind or negativity will.

*Master the tongue and you will soon master the tongue of the mind.

*Listen to the Almighty instead of giving him a shopping list.

*Be well in what you are doing at the moment.

*THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE MEANT TO BE IN YOUR LIFE AND SOME WHO ARE NOT. IT IS UP TO YOU TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

The question becomes, WHAT IS MY MEANING? WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?

Wow!!! I'm grateful to have found this book.

Grateful For Yoga Lessons-THE TENTH DOOR

I am so grateful that Leslie gave me the title of the book she is reading because I continue to learn so much from it and for this, I am grateful!!

*I want to be led from the darkness into the light. I believe that this is happening because I am so happy inside myself. I also find that I am taking deeper and longer breathes.

*One must anchor oneself to the moment. I am finding that even when he wants to engage me in an issue, I am safe if I stay anchored in the present.

*One should be fully present in order to grow. I am finding that I stay in the moment longer. For example, every morning, I look at the sky, thanking the Almighty for its beauty.

*Prana is my vital life force. Ones mental and physical body must balance. That is what I'm striving to accomplish.

*The mind and body are one.

*Breathe is life. When you learn to breathe more fully, you expand your mind and your perception of life.

* You must stay grounded in the moment.

*Breathing helps one clear the mind. I'm finding that at night it helps with anxiety and helps me get back to sleep.

I am grateful aso that this is the most beautiful January yet. I'm able to be out of the house enjoying myself with myself. I am so grateful!!!!

Important Quotes- The Tenth Door

I'm reading THE TENTH DOOR by Michele Herbert and there are important quotes here that I MUST record for my own life.

First, "The purpose of life is to grow into the fullness and wholeness of all that we can be."

Second, "In meditation, we close the two physical eyes and look inside with the eye of the mind."

Third, " Be the best that you can be within yourself."

Fourth, "The person operating from a state of balance and wholeness has a completely different life experience from the person coming out of weakness and imbalance."

Fifth, " Be the observer of the mind. Watch what you are doing within yourself mentally and emotionally."

Sixth, "Choose wisely between the negative and positive poles of the mind. Be of good counsel."

Seventh, "Realize the divine light of your own soul within you. Your own inner light will reveal your souls purpose."

Eighth, "PEACE, HARMONY, and WLL-BEING."

Grateful for This Winter

I have learned to use yoga to live in the present. This morning, on the way to work, I noticed the beautiful blue sky and the warmth of the day. It's January!!! I am grateful for this beautiful weather.

Yesterday Something Wonderful Happened.....

Yesterday something bad happened or, it was bad until I handled it using yoga principles and it was then that I realized the value of yoga and how far I've come with it. Yoga is not just about poses. It's about the breathe and living in the present, both of which I saw that I could do yesterday and that's why I'm so grateful.

I didn't want to go out to dinner to celebrate my birthday without all of my 3 friends. One had to work and so another on suggested that we play Mah Jong. Remember what my husband did to 2 of my friends, when he made the unproved, yet e know he did it phone calls and then ordered food sent to my friend's house. Her husband does not want her playing with me because I'm married to an emotionally unstable man.

I could have been upset. I could have thought back to what my parents were like and how young men who liked me.....couldn't because their families didn't approve of me. I could have thought of my jealous, younger daughter who, because of her rage against the fact that she didn't fit in brought everyone down BUT I DIDN'T!!!!! I thought about yoga and began to breathe deeply. It helped. I chose to live in the present. I had created an intention to be happy and o I thought of all the things that I do that make me happy.

Of course, my husband wanted to see my reaction. That would make him happy if he upset me. Knowing this, I chose not to acknowledge any of this, but to go o with my life. It worked. He told me that his life had no meaning. I told him that he needed to find things to do. But, in my heart, I knew that when he became ill, his victim escaped. I knew that he needed only selected information about me in order for me to move forward. That is not what he wanted. From the beginning of this relationship, he has pit people together to fight, but no more.

I won!!!!! I have my life and I'm loving it!!!!!!

I WON!!!

Grateful For Being Alive

I am so grateful for the appreciation that I feel for MY LIFE and MY LIFE alone. Here I sit at 8:40 Sunday morning, on the computer, connecting to friends on FACEBOOK, listening to a quiet yoga CD. Beautiful!!!!! Last night, I saw the film ROADIE and I realized that through determination, I have created a wonderful life for myself. I watched the film, awed at the failures people make and grateful to the Almighty that my life and notice I'm discussing ONLY MY LIFE, worked out. I experienced everything and have the intelligence to be getting rid of toxic people and for this, I'm grateful. I am practicing putting the past behind me and enjoying the life that I was given!!!!

Grateful for My Life

I'm so proud of myself because I have learned to cope with what life sends my way.

Yesterday, I got the results of my blood test and the doctor said the results were PERFECT!!!!! Thank you, Almighty.

My mouth hurt less after oral surgery.

My supervisor was pleased with my work and wants me to do the same job next year.

And today, it snowed. Although I couldn't go to synagogue I vowed to cope with dealing with him by saying my mouth hurt. I dealt with her by texting, therefore, no emotions were shown. AND, I WENT OUTSIDE HAPPILY TO SHOVEL THE SNOW AND I'M GONG TO DO IT GAIN LATER. THANK YOU ALMIGHTY FOR MY LIFE!!!!!

Appreciation of Life

I am really trying so hard to do everything correctly so that I reach the acceptance stage in my stages of grief. It's really hard with him in the house because if you're not 100%, he's gotcha. That's what happened Wednesday night when I thought about it. I was thinking about the implant procedure. I don't like taking days off from work and I didn't like his comment that, Is everyone a widow? At another time, I would not have answered him. I know that now. BUT, I was thinking of other things and caught of guard.

I am so grateful that I'm bright because now that I know what he does, I'll be better prepared.

Tough Day!!!

This was a hard day, not because I had periodontal surgery which was a huge success because the implant was a success, but because last night you could see how jealous Martin was. I went to my yoga private lesson, then out to dinner with Rhonnie before the book club. I made the mistake of saying that friends were going out on Monday, January 23 and Martin made the comment in a nasty voice, "Don't your friends have husbands?" He doesn't miss a beat and I was unprepared for the remark. Ironically, today is January 19th. I almost flipped because the 19th has such significance in this relationship. It was on May 19th 2010 that this entire relationship fell apart as I wasn't part of the decision as to which hospital he should go to for Congestive Heart Failure and I was left all alone to create a life and survive. I will never forget that day. And here is another 19th.

Today I took off because of the dental surgery and I saw what living with him would be like if and when I retired. I was grateful to see both his jealousy and anger at me just because I am a success. A home should be a comfortable place to live in and will it be with him in it????

Thank God For Friends!!!!

Tonite, I'm going out to dinner with my friend, Rhonnie who has been a loyal, caring friend throughout all the craziness in my life. I am grateful for her. Ten we are going to the Sistethood Book Club to discuss Ethan Fromme.

Free to Love, Free to Heal by David Simon

I was reading a magazine in my yoga studio when I found the book review of, FREE TO LOVE, FREE TO HEAL!!!! This book is so helping me move forward and consolidate the two me's that have lived side by side all my life. This will enable me to retire. I am so grateful that I found this book, because without it, I was afraid to retire because I always worried, what could be done to me? Now, I know that the answer to that question is, "NOTHING' because I am getting rid of toxic people in my life.

Grateful for the Day

The weather was exceptionally cold today, 16 degrees, but I was so proud of myself for walking for one hour and 20 minutes. I was also proud of myself when something dropped from a dresser and I was accused of doing that. I didn't answer and as a result of that, there was no one to pick on. I'M LEARNING!!!!

Today was my potassium blood test. I hope that everything turns out OK. Please, God!!!!

Grateful for the Weather

I am so grateful for today's weather. It was freezing, BUT, a beautiful blue sky and temperature of 16 degrees. And I walked for one hour. All the toxic people in my life have made this walk possible, because if I felt kindness, maybe I would have slept later.

Then it was off to yoga where I'm practicing headstands. I'm so proud of all my accomplishments and of formulating the intention that I deserve to be happy.

Afternoon Service at P.J.C.

I am grateful for the uplifting, spiritual afternoon service/learning session at P.J.C. especially Rabbi Conn's divar Torah. I am grateful to be accepted after so many years where people pulled the rug in because of circumstances beyond my control.

Thank you Almighty!!

A gita voch!!!

Free toLove, Free to Heal

I was reading a magazine at my yoga studio that had a wonderful review of this book and I am so grateful that I ordered it. I've only read the first part of the first chapter, but what I have learned is amazing and I am so grateful for finding it.

I learned to set an intention. I have a right to be happy!!!!I am deserving of love!!!!! The most important thing that I learned was that unless I LOOSEN THE HOLD THAT THE PAST HAS ON ME, THE FUTURE WILL UNFOLD IN THE SAME WAY!!!!!

That is so not going to happen to me!!!

Grateful for My Friend Carl

If it wasn't for my friend Carl, I never would have know about BOCES and it was BOCES that gave me a life. If it wasn't for my friend Carl, I never would have gone to Lou and Lou helped me piece together my life.

I owe Carl so much, but in the end, I owe him the reason that I am happy with my life. I hope that life has been good to him. He deserves it.

Grateful for Chocolate

Today, I had the most incredible chocolate craving after my friend Darcy asked me to sample 3 of her cakes. Everyone gave me chocolate and I ate it. It was like the good old days. It was wonderful!!!!

Thank You Almighty

I have such gratitude in my heart that my life has fallen into place. I was always an organized person and life had to make sense to me. I'm grateful that I can depend on myself to create activities that I can enjoy and thank the Almighty for my life in synagogue. For example, tonight I'm taking my Restorative Yoga class, a class that I love. I am grateful for texting so that I don't have to speak to toxic people. I am in the process of creating a life that works for me and or this I am grateful.

Grateful for My Decision to Retire!!!

I'm healthy!!! I'm happy!!! It's time to retire!!!! I'm one together person!!!

Thank the Almighty!!!

Observing People's Emotions

I am grateful that I am now able to observe his emotions because I am quiet around him. This morning I noticed jealousy when I said that I was going to yoga and had errands. I have asked him to go to a yoga class and of course, "NO" was the response. It's just that he has lost control of me.

I am grateful that because of the Almighty sending me Lou, I have found myself. I have taken the "WORK ME" and combined it with the "HOME ME" and I am amazing because of it.

If you throw in the fact that I am quieter because I don't have to fill space with conversation since I'm not anxious anymore, I become a force to be recognized.

He is not a happy camper. He has lost control of the one person that he could abuse.

Spiritual Day

I am so grateful that I went to shul today. The service was truly inspiring. Rabbi Conn is truly a "children's Rabbi" and it was he who decided that once a month the Junior Congregation should be invited to participate in the service.

Then it was January, but it was 51 degrees outside and I got a chance to walk, wearing my yoga clothes!!! The reason for the yoga clothes was that I was signed up for a 2 hour Restorative Yoga class with Giselle. I just came back and it was beyond relaxing.

The Almighty has truly blessed me by showing me how to create a wonderful life for myself. I truly have The Gift of Life.

Crying on the Job/ Proud of Me

This morning, I forgot my I-POD. When I called him and asked him to look for he, he said that he did and couldn't find it. I was at Dunkin' Donuts and said that I might come home. He did find it and called me back, unbeknown to me. When I finally retreaved the call and called him back, he yelled loudly at me accusing me of not answering the phone. I was calm when I replied that I was driving.

He knew that I had a major meeting with my Curriculum supervisor. Probably he was jealous and chose to upset me. Not to lie, but it bothered me all day because I had to decide how to handle it.

When my supervisor finally left, after 4 hours, I still did not know what to do. I went in my office and cried, feeling sorry for myself.

Should I yell at him? Or not? I chose not because I realized who he was and that I had created a very good life for me.

When I got home, he apologized. I said that he was the way he was and that's why I made the decisions that I did. I was happy that I had said this. He asked me to repeat it and I chose not to because at that moment I chose a good weekend for myself, knowing that he would never change and that I had moved beyond him.

I was proud of me!!!

My Heath and Intelligence

Now that I have rid myself of the toxic people in my life, I can conentrate on myself and life has become a vacation. Two of them, I'm stuck with in my life, but I know that I can use texting and not really speak to them. I am grateful to the Almighty because I have my health, career and friends. I am so glad to have the intelligence to move forward in life so that I make decisions that benefit me. I truly have given myself, THE GIFT OF LIFE and I hope that this frame of mind continues.

I Moved Beyond Those Who Stress Me

Today, someone gave me a piece of information about someone that I had high hopes for. After Winter Break, I realized that it was just my fantasy and I'm grateful that I was able to move forward and enjoy the evening without thinking about memories and wishes that were NEVER real.

Going Back to Work

I love vacation, but I also love work. So it was "HI HO" and off to work I go. I'm so grateful to have this wonderful job filled with wonderful people to talk to.

Last Day of Winter Break

I'm so grateful that I have figured out my relationship with those girls. I never again have to feel upset and I know why. It has lifted such a burden off of me. From now on, my life is for me as I continue to give me, the gift of life.

Thanks to Gd for helping me realize this.