GRATEFUL FOR MAKING FALSE PICTURES DISAPPEAR

I am grateful to the Almighty for having me join Plainview Meditation.

It is here that I am learning how to get rid of false pictures by saying, "PLEASE MAKE THEM DISAPPEAR!!!  They burn up as ashes in the sun and I will go into the Universe as in the beginning.

This is helping me to live in the moment and have joy in that moment.

I practice every day and have added this to my yoga/walking schedule.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE SABBATH

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me the Sabbath.

It is a peaceful and spiritual time which is filled with joy.

I can breathe.

I can be.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR LOOKING FOR MY TRUE SELF

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have the ability and the time to uncover my true self.

What do I enjoy???  What do I not like?  What are my passions?  Who am I?

Either I was looking for strategies to stay safe or I was being insulted for the things that I loved during my entire life.

Thank you Almighty for encouraging me to move forward so that I became the successful and beautiful person that I am today.

It was you that moved me forward when I didn't know who I was.

It was you who is helping me find myself.

Thank you.

I am grateful.

RATEFUL FOR MY RE-BIRTH

I am grateful to the Almighty because He sent me to yoga yesterday.

The instructor spoke about Spring as being a re-birth.

I realized that my life is a re-birth and I am filled with joy.

Today I'm spending the day at ID Salon getting "new hair."   I will be doing a Magic Sleek, color and hi-lites.  I'm very excited.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING ABOUT EMOTIONS

I am grateful to the Almighty because through therapy I have become in touch with my emotions.

I am breaking up with my boyfriend.  Thankfully he revealed his true self to me as a mentally disturbed person.  I do not need this in my life.

The old feelings though crept back........and for a moment I was going to forgive him.  But like my abuser, to forgive him makes me a fool and gives him permission to continue his behaviors.

I am grateful to the Almighty for sending me to therapy and helping me to recognize this.

I am grateful.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING ABOUT REST

I am grateful to the Almighty because in practicing yoga yesterday, the instructor spoke about the value f resting.

This doesn't have to be sleeping.  It can be anything that you do to relax your mind.

Thank you Almighty for sending me to practice yoga yesterday.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING HOW TO DEAL WITH MEN

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have finally learned how to deal with men.

I have always wanted to be loved because of the way that my parents treated me.  I was determined that Martin would love me and obviously that never happened.

Then I met Jay, the boy that I had a crush on in the eighth grade.  He turned out to be a Martin and I am in the process of dumping him.

I went through many feelings.......I won't have a boyfriend and then I realized that I'm an amazing, accomplished, and successful and beautiful woman and don't need that in my life.

It took a long time but I am grateful that the Almighty taught me and I learned.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR A WEEKEND FILLED WITH JOY

I am grateful to the Almighty for the wonderful weekend that I had.

Saturday was a spiritual day filled with synagogue and meditation.

Sunday, Dana came to visit because Seth had to study.  We had lunch at The Blue Angel and then went to Fairway to buy vitamins.   That was followed by my Meditation Session. I would like to get this fo Dana as a birthday gift but we will see.  We hung out at the house afterwards and then I took her to the station.  I asked her to bring up a Passover bridge table that I use for groceries and she did.   I met Margie for dinner and spoke to bf.  She and Seth bought me a wonderful hat


I was able to talk to Dana unemotionally about him which for me was a blessing.

Thank you Almighty for a wonderful weekend.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A SHIFT

I am grateful to the Almighty for the shift in my life............grateful for a new beginning.

These are wonderful things to learn about.  I learned about "shift" while practicing yoga because it is the beginning of a new season and for me a new safe life.   I practiced, please make it disappear.....sup disappear in meditation today which will calm and change my life.  I will become more aware of triggers as I move on.

I am shifting my life with the help of the Almighty.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW BEGINNING

I am grateful to the Almighty for a new beginning to my life.

I am slowly getting rid of that which doesn't give me joy.

I am now working on the room that he used to sleep in and use his computer.  I went to Ethan Allen yesterday and found furniture that will create a beautiful yoga, meditation and reading room.  The salesperson printed pictures and placed them in a folder.

Freddy will be starting on April 29.

It's a new beginning for a new life.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW BEGINNING IN MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty because it is Spring and to me it represents a new beginning in my life.

I have been going to The Long Island Meditation Center to be able to begin to learn to rid myself of false pictures that cause stress.  I pictured them and then say, "Please make them disappear.....then the sound swoosh......then disappear.  I can't get enough of this.

I practiced yoga in two classes and attended my Yoga Book Club.

I observed the Purim holiday at PJC last night.  It was wonderful to talk to friends and not to feel fear.

Today my friend Karen is coming over and we will shop for new furniture for my new Yoga and Meditation room.

Thank you Almighty for this new beginning.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR HOW WELCOME I FEEL

I am grateful to the Almighty because everywhere I go I feel welcome.

This didn't happen when the abuser was alive.

Yesterday I went to lunch with my "Tuesday group."   I had dinner with my friend Marilyn,  a new friend but through spiritual experiences we will become close.  I'm sure of it.

 I make phone calls and plans and am loving it.

Today I will practice yoga and attend the yoga book club.  Then I will go to the center and meditate.   Tonight is Purim and all my friends will be there.  I'm dressing as a yogi.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life and for taking care of me.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING TO LISTEN TO MY BODY

I am grateful to the Almighty because He is teaching me to listen to my body and show it compassion and let it rest when it needs to.

I could never rest or relax when my abuser was alive.  I had to keep myself safe.  There always had to be strategies to do just that.  I had to leave the house early and that was as early at 7am to walk either outside or at The Home Depot.  People wondered why I retired and was up so early.

Today I woke up tired and I stretched and laid in bed.  I decided NOT to take a morning yoga class because I didn't want to get up so early.  Originally I felt guilty because Ive always gotten up early and run out.  Was there something wrong with me?  It wasn't that.  It's my body relaxing.  Then I felt sad that it took so long for this to happen but grateful that it did.

I'm eating breakfast.  I'm reading the papers.   I'm paying a bill and meeting fiends for lunch. I will meditate at the center at 3 and have dinner with a friend.

It's a new life but a good one.

I'm grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR MEDITATION

I am grateful to the Almighty for bringing me to The Long Island Meditation Center.

I am learning to rid myself of false pictures and to be at peace without that burden.

I am grateful that my friends go there also because it enriches our relationship.

I look forward to each day Almighty.

Thank you for this.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR UNDERSTANDING TRIGGERS

I am grateful to the Almighty because He sent me to two wonderful therapists who taught me how to handle triggers.   I am also grateful to the Almighty because He sent me a boyfriend and friends who can help me through a trigger.

Last night I went to see Bye Bye Birdie at PJC.  I was looking forward to it and the show and the songs were wonderful.  I went out to dinner with two lovely couples and my friend Zita's husband picked up the bill.

What was my trigger??   I realized that I did not have couples in my life.  My abuser chased them away with his secretive behaviors.  Watching Bye Bye Birdie brought back all the unrequited dreams of my youth.

Today I had a hard morning.  However, I called two very close friends and my bf who understands as well as my daughters to express my feelings.

I cleaned the house.

I feel better now and will have a meditation session at three and dinner with my friend Margie.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR UNDERSTANDING JOY

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has helped me to understand joy.

Yesterday I practiced yoga in Leslie's class.  She spoke of giving up something if it doesn't give you joy.

A lightbulb went off in my head because I understood the reason that I am re-doing the bedroom that he used to use.  It is because it does not bring me joy to look at it.  It bings back fear.  It brings back sadness.  It brings back the funny feeling in my stomach.  It makes me bitter to look at it.  It brings back safety.  It makes me feel unsafe.  It brings back strategies for my survival.

It needs to be replaced by something that will bring me joy.

I have hired Freddy who will help me to make the changes.  I have asked Karen to go with me to Ethan Allen to purchase a dresser and bookshelves.  I will go to Lazy Boy and purchase a recliner.  Leslie will help me to find an alter.   The room will be a meditation and yoga room.

Thank you Almighty for helping me put my feelings into words.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW ADVENTURES

I am grateful to the Almighty for the new adventures in my life.  

They are taking the place of the abuse, safety and strategy issues that I filled my day with.

I attended a Ritual Committee meeting Wednesday and was proud to give my opinion on live streaming which was the topic of discussion .

I had lunch with Jay, my bf yesterday and had a wonderful time.  I NEVER went to the Plainview Diner with Martin  for lunch!!!!!!

Last night I attended my first session at The Long Island Meditation Center.  It was a 1:1 lesson and was fascinating.

Today I will be practicing yoga, getting my hair blown out and going food shopping.

I am grateful to the Almighty for all my new adventures.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR MAKING ME INTELLIGENT

I am grateful to the Almighty because He chose to make me an intelligent human being.

It was through this intelligence that I survived abuse.

As I learn about my own truth and put my two halves back together I realize how bright and intellectual I am.

The activities I choose help me to think and problem solve.  I am using my intelligence in a positive way.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR PLAY AND PEACE

I am grateful to the Almighty for the PLAY and the PEACE that he has given me.

I look forward to each day and I so enjoy being with people and doing things.

Yesterday after I practiced yoga, I volunteered at Sisterhood to pack humantashen.  Then we went to lunch.  I bought socks at Incredible Feet and went to check out The Long Island Meditation Center which Margie told me about and I will join.  I made chicken for dinner and went to a Sisterhood Executive Board meeting.  

I came home to the peace and quiet of my home.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR JAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because He gave me Jay who is a Rabbi and my friend and my yoga buddy  in my life.

He had been a psychiatric nurse and understands so much of what I went through.

He explained to me that my "happiness" came from "relief" because I was "free of abuse."

That cleared it up for me.

He has prayers so that I can commemorate the anniversary of his death and the memorial prayers as an victim of abuse.

Thank you Almighty for sending Jay to me.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW QUIET DAY

I am so grateful to the Almighty for a beautiful new and quiet day.

While I write this post, I am texting friends and Hilary and Dana, involved in all the conversations.  I am looking at boyfriend's sons because he sent me pictures.

I am planning my day too.

I will practice yoga and have lunch with my friend Rabbi Jay.  Dinner is with my friend Marilyn.  I hope to walk, read, and just love life.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR YOGA

I am grateful to the Almighty because even though we moved the clocks forward and lost an hour,  I practiced yoga in my Sunday yoga class at 9AM with my friend Doreen.

I had texted Doreen yesterday to tell her that I would be returning to class and not to make a big deal out of it as I wanted to be in the moment. After class we caught up on everything and I will call her this week.  

I was able to go to Fairway, CVS and also to get weighed at Weight Watchers where I gained weight and with the exercise that I have been doing I will eliminate dessert.

I came home to clean the house, go on computer and now to read the newspapers.

I'm having Japanese food with Margie.

Life is good and I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for the wonderful new life that He has given me.

I did not set the alarm today and awoke at 8AM. I prayed a bit at home.  I went to services and it was a pleasure to sit with my friends and pray and have kiddish with them.   I did not have to fear going home or think of strategies to keep me safe when i returned home.

I came home and decided to walk.  I called my friend Margie and walked to her house and hung out a bit and came home.

I'm reading the newspapers.  Matzah is outside.  My accountant is coming over to pick up the tax material.  I might have dinner with Jay or not.

I'm in love with my life.

I feel blessed.

I have the Almighty to thank for all my blessings.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR THIS BLESSED DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me this blessed day.

I was up early at 6AM.  I am grateful for my good health, my family and friends and all the joy that I am finding in each blessed day.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR NEW BEGINNINGS

I am grateful to the Almighty for His hand in helping me to create new beginnings in my life.

I have old friends and new friends and closer friends now that my abuser is gone.  I have old activities and new ones.

We are up to closing on the co-op.

I am grateful to the Almighty for all the good that he has given me.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me this wonderful calm new life.

It is balanced with chores and fun.

I have friends and activities.

I am accepted and talked to and smiled at wherever I go.

I am so grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR HELPING FRIENDS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am now in a position to help friends.

My girlfriend Karen and her husband Bob have been amazing during my struggle with PTSD.

I was able to help them yesterday.

They have a borderline daughter who attacked Bob and bit him.  They had to flee the house.  I was able to invite them to mine, sit in the living room and we calmed each other down and shared stories.

My nature is to help friends.

I was grateful to the Almighty that I was able to do this for my friend.

Thank you Almighty.

GRATEFUL FOR A SNOWY DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because today is a snowy day.  We had a storm last night.

There would be fear in the past as I had to create strategies in order to be safe. Now I can just "be."

That is absolutely wonderful.

I did my food shopping yesterday before the storm.  Dana and Seth came to Plainview to hang out and have dinner in a Mexican restaurant.  I did do one thing that I will never do again.  I asked Dana if there was anything that I did while she was growing up that had a diverse affect on her personality.  She mentioned the crazy "fights" if you can call them that that I had with him on Saturdays while she was growing up and how scared she felt.  She said that I should have made sure that it didn't happen.  I wish I could have done that but I lived in fear too.  She also mentioned how she knew that I ate non-kosher food on the outside from him.  These were not terrible things but I had no idea how disloyal he was until years later.

Today will be a day of peace and quiet.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR LAUGHTER

I am grateful to the Almighty for the laughter in my life.

I start the morning laughing at Matzah or with Matzah.  I give him Reiki.  I brush him.  I watch what he does.  I don't have to leave the house because I'm no longer living in fear.

I laugh at the program on my new television.  I laugh with friends.

Last night I had Thai food with my girlfriend Margie and her daughter.  We all laughed.  Lara, her daughter met Matzah.  It was beautiful.

I laugh with my boyfriend Jay.

I am grateful to the Almighty for the laughter in my life.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR FINDING MY TRUE SELF

I am grateful to the Almighty because He is helping me to find my true self.

I had to hide who I was for so many years because I was never safe around my abusers.  It only got worse through the years.  There was no time to explore myself.  All my time was spent creating strategies for survival.

There was an outside me and an inside me.  Now I'm in the process of combining them because I am safe in my own home.

I am enjoying my days and my nights.  I feel safe inside.

I am enjoying making friends and speaking my mind.

I am exposing my feelings and emotions most of which are foreign to me.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR THE DISAPPEARANCE OF AVOIDANCE AND FEAR

I am grateful to the Almighty because I no longer have to avoid being home and living in fear.

Gone are the strategies for survival and the feeling that every time I was home I had to be careful around my abuser.

I'm free!!!!!

Yesterday I did so many things and they were all enjoyable.  I went to therapy, got my hair colored and cut too.  I talked on the phone, texted, read, went to the bank, went to The Home Depot, watched television and spoke to my boyfriend too.

All was peaceful and there was no avoidance and fear.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.