GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am so grateful to the Almighty for my new life.  I love all the things that I do and the friends that I have.

I know how to deal with him without thinking of the strategies.  They have been internalized. For example, last night, in the car, which seems to be his spot for confrontation, he wanted to say something about the friend that we all know he is pranking.  Quietly, I said something else and then never got back to what he wanted to say.

Last night, I went to yoga and then to a wonderful film entitled, POWER OF BRO' with a discussion and reception afterwards.

Today, after work is a manicure and I need to get to the mall for makeup and to Michael Kors.

My new life is good.

Thank you Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR COURAGE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my courage.

He has started to prank my friends again.   I told him this in a non-emotional voice.   I did not let him bait me.

I was a bit nervous doing this, but I did it and was proud of myself.

I did something this morning that also showed my courage.  I called my girlfriend and asked her to de-friend my older daughter on FACEBOOK.    I asked her to tell her children the same thing   I then called my other girlfriend and asked her to do the same.   I then called my older daughter and told her why this was being done.  I did it in a calm, unemotional voice.  She agreed.

Thank you Almighty for my courage.

GRATEFUL FOR KEEPING MY COOL

I am grateful to the Almighty for keeping my cool in the face of adversity.

 By this I mean that I don't raise my voice no matter what is said to me.  I must tell you that this is very difficult for me to do.  It's probably the reason that I am not getting quality sleep as my sub-conscious plays tricks on me.  But, I imagine that if I keep up the good work, my conscious will get used to it.

He got his money yesterday and proceeded to tell me that he wanted to sell our house and buy a huge condo.   I listened quietly.  Gone was the dream of the condo on the East End.   I was sad.  I didn't let on, but cried quietly at night.

This morning I started to build a new dream for me because it seems that when I include him in my dreams, the dream fails and he feels control over me.   My dream is simple.  I will vacation at Montauk Manor and I will join the pool this coming summer, if the Almighty lets me be healthy.

He was upset that I didn't want to go out with the "children" for my birthday.  I didn't let on the reason, but you and I both know what happened in the summer.  I don't need gifts from them.  I've had my fill of mat cleaner, post-its, websites and Amazon books.  Quiet is the best gift that I can give myself.  

We are very different.  I have given up trying to fit a round peg into a square whole.  I tried and I tried for years and it didn't work.  I'm moving on.

He's upset that he couldn't create an issue and do what he did in the summer.  

I have kept my cool and I'm proud of myself.

Thank you, Almighty!!!

GRATEFUL FOR BEING A NON-RESPONDER

I am grateful to the Almighty for being in charge of myself.  It's not easy to do this as it requires a lot of strength and fortitude not to respond to him.  Thanks to the Almighty, I'm doing very well.  I enjoy my weekends and when he tries to start, I shut him down by being quiet or leaving the room.  Occasionally, I will answer, but in a very quiet voice.

I have studied him carefully, to be aware of what he tries to do.  Here are his topics:

l. I'm sick-  He will run the CHF forever as well as the cancer.  I'm smiling as I write this.  He has come up with the fact that pacemakers and defibulators move,  that his hip hurts, that his bones hurt.  It's meant to give me anxiety and when I open my eyes wide, to listen, but not to respond, he moves on.

2. Comments about the daughters-  He will try to run negative comments about the daughters, the other parts of the Triad, to goad me.  I don't respond.

3. Comments about how I can't cope-  He will tell me that he worries about me.  That is supposed to be emotional, but I respond by telling him that I'm capable and will learn.

4. Comments dealing with hating people or things-  He will tell me that he hates Newsday, Jeff, the neighborhood, the lab, all in an attempt to get me to comment.  I don't anymore.

I am grateful to the Almighty for understanding this so that I can proceed with my own life which is filled with friends, classes, yoga, book clubs, services, walking, work and life!!!

GRATEFUL THAT EVERY DAY IS A FINE DAY

Thanks to the Almighty because everyday is a fine day in my life.  It's a day for me, created by me with the help of the Almighty.

I took a beautiful and energetic walk this morning for 2 hours and soon I will be off to yoga.

I have learned to play the Triad's games and have beaten them at the games with silence and quiet.  I have even learned to reflect back what they do.  I'm sure that my non-emotional status bothers them.  But, they no longer matter in my life.

Life is good.

Thank you Almighty

GRATEFUL FOR GOING TO SERVICES

I am grateful to the Almighty because I went to services today and heard a wonderful sermon.  The text in the Bible spoke of Joseph being sold into slavery and how he coped with adversity.  The Rabbi spoke of being realistic and facing what is in front of you.

That is exactly what I try to do daily and it is making me a much calmer person as I no longer create make believe dreams and then get disappointed when they don't happen.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for helping me to realize my new life.  I am enjoying my life so much more.    

I am grateful to the Almighty for a good checkup at the periodontist.

I loved the school fundraiser at the comedy club.  I really enjoyed myself.  I brought him so that I could drink and I did.

I am grateful for acceptance of friends.  I am judged by who I am.  The Triad is not part of my life.

I am grateful that I developed what I call, my phony voice which I used when he told me that the older one wanted to celebrate my birthday.   I had decided months ago, after that fateful day in July, that I would not celebrate with them.  I have learned to give phony reasons also.  In my phony voice, I said that I would love to, but, taking a reason from the older one, I'm Soooooo busy!!!  That's all I said.  The implication, I'm sure was understood,but there is nothing that they can do about it.

I am in control of my new life and it feels wonderful.   Never again to be upset and hurt by them.  Never again to spend so much time explaining things.

This has given me a new life and I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!