INTENTION # 42 TO BE HAPPY

Today is the actual day on the calender that the horrific thing happened to me last year,  July 31, 2012.

I am so different from the person that I was, as I wrote in my gratitude entry for today.

My intention today is to be happy.   I will pay attention to those things that make me happy and little or no attention to those that don't, letting go of that which doesn't serve me.

Happiness means walking.   Happiness is reading.  Happiness is DD coffee.  Happiness is going to yoga.  Happiness is going out to dinner with friends and then to a book discussion.

GRATEFUL THAT I REPEATED A DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because yesterday I was allowed to repeat a day. 

That NEVER happens in life.

I repeated the day of the Marcum Workman's Challenge.  

I went to the race.

I went out to dinner in the same restaurant as last year.

I went home!!!!!!!


I am so different from the person that I was last year.   I am so proud of myself.   Thanks to the Almighty and to the philosophy of yoga, I made it through the rain.

Thank you, Almighty for putting me in control of my own life.

INTENTION #41 TO PAY ATTENTION OR NOT

I took a LEVEL 1 yoga class yesterday.  It was amazing.

Leslie spoke of having an intention.   She said that if we focus on the intention, it gets bigger.  If we don't, it gets smaller.

My intention today is to let go of what doesn't serve me so that I can heal.  I will focus on him becoming smaller and smaller and see what happens.

The intention of TO BE will be with me daily.  

GRATEFUL THAT I MADE IT THROUGH THE RAIN

To quote a Barry Manilow tune, "I am so grateful to the Almighty that I made it through the rain."

It's true!!!  I did change the words, but the sentiment that I made it through the rain with the Almighty's help is still.

Tonight is the race.   I will never forget what happened to me last year on July 31. This year, the race is a different day, but the events leading up to what happened to me are the same.

BUT, I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON THAT I WAS.

I no longer try to teach him anything.  I have no positive expectations of him.   I do not expect anything.  Yet, I am prepared for everything.  I no longer say anything of consequence.

As a result of this, I have a housekeeper.  As a result of that, I can do everything that I want and need to do in a timely fashion.  I am enjoying my own life as many women do. 

Yesterday for example, I walked and went to yoga.  I did a laundry.  I went food shopping. I spoke to friends. I took the dog for a grooming.  I did this and so much more, happily because he although in my life, is no longer part of it.

I decided not to be interested when the older one,  who sent the website to him last year and made a choice who to support,  moved in with her boyfriend, a clone of what I have.  This isn't my problem.  I used to care, but now, I think only of what will benefit me.

He's still busy with talking about the condo.   Nothing will come of it and I don't react.  I am so pleased that I listened to the Almighty and moved on.

Thank you so much, Almighty for being there for me.

INTENTION #40 TO BE

I cannot believe that I am up to Intention #40 already.

Intention # 40  is TO  BE.   To be happy, To be content,  To be satisfied with my accomplishment,  To have joy and peace...........................

As I walk, or read or meet with friends, or go about my life,  I think about this intention.

I am only in charge of my own life.   I have done my job teaching and explaining.

The time for me is now.

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for the life that he has given me.

More than that, I am grateful to the Almighty because I know how to handle this life.

I had a wonderful time in Westhampton.  I increased my walk to 2 1/2 miles every day.  I walked earlier and saw a lot more.  I finished a wonderful book for one of my clubs next week.  I found an incredible Hamptons Yoga Studio and classes that I love.

Each day that I walked, I began with a mantra which included my intention for the day.  I appreciated and lived in that moment and experienced joy.

He did try to bother me.  He did try to banter.  But, because I was based in the present, I never responded.  He did try to frustrate me with the "new condo" that he was buying, but wouldn't part with any of his money except what he won from his case.  Obviously, nothing will be purchased.  I put the entire thing in his hands.  I did this very quietly, but with a big smile inside me.

As far as the rest of this Triad, I have moved on.   The older one is moving in with a man that he hates.  It is not my job to teach anyone, anymore.

And so life is quiet.  

And I have joy.

Thank you, Almighty for my life.

GRATEFUL BECAUSE I WON!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty because I succeeded with every single intention.  

My intention for the entire week was:  TO BE.  I was and I had an incredible week. 

Thank you so much, Almighty!!!!!

INTENTION #32- #39 TO BE

We are going to the condo in Westhampton this afternoon and I wasn't sure how to create INTENTIONS for all those days.

However, I went to my yoga class and read something on the bulletin board that I will use as INTENTION #32- #39.

MY INTENTION IS:    TO BE.  I WILL USE THIS FOR THE WEEK THAT I WILL BE AWAY.  

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????

My INTENTIONS for this week are:  TO BE HAPPY,   TO BE CALM,  TO BE STILL, TO BE GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE AND MY HEALTH,  TO BE CONTENT,  TO BE HAPPY,  TO BE JOYFUL,  TO BE SILENT AND APPRECIATE WHAT LIFE HAS GIVEN ME.

GRATEFUL FOR THE HEART AND SOLE RACE

I am grateful to the Almighty that I was healthy and could participate in THE HEART AND SOLE RACE  sponsored by Plainview Hospital.

I awoke at 5:50 and walked for 1 hour and fifteen minutes.   Then I came home, changed into yoga clothes because I had a class after the race and went to PLAINVEW MIDDLE SCHOOL which was the start of the 3.5 mile race.   I walked that in an hour and left the grounds later and I picked up giveaways. The total walk this morning was 2 hours and thirty-five minutes.

I then went to the studio and took a yoga class.

I am very proud of myself.

I came home to discover that he is now trying to frustrate me with silence.   Truthfully, I love silence.  I did a lot today.

There is still more to do.

We are going to the condo for a week and I need to finish packing.

I know that silence and the condo are two issues and I'm smiling because I really don't care about either.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this magnificent morning and early afternoon.

INTENTION #31- APPRECIATION OF THE LIFE I MADE

My intention today is to appreciate the life that I have made for myself.

I will NOT ALLOW anyone to disturb my appreciation day.

I worked long and hard to create a life for myself and no one will spoil it.

GRATEFUL GOING TO PJC SERVICES ON SHABBOS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I attended Sabbath morning services at PJC today.

I got to catch up with my friends and make plans for next week when I'm home.

It was delightful to see everyone.

I was grateful to the Almighty to be able to attend.

GRATEFUL FOR LEVEL 1

I am grateful to the Almighty that I took a LEVEL 1 class after my Restorative Yoga class and did well and enjoyed it.

That was after I walked for 2 hours on the 6th day of a heat wave.

I came home after yoga with DD coffee, read the papers and I'm now off to do errands.

He is still carrying on about the condo.  But, life goes on and i hasn't affected me in the least except for a few wasted minutes to chat.

Practicing yoga has helped me to enjoy this summer and for that I am so grateful!!

INTENTION #30 STILLNESS

My intention for today is to practice STILLNESS at home.

I fully realize that he has no intention of purchasing a new condo.  It's a game with him to see if he can frustrate me.   Sadly for him, it isn't succeeding and as I said yesterday, time is running out because in a few short weeks, I return to work.  He can see that this is true as I worked 2 days this week.

Yesterday, I suggested that he purchase the condo that he loved and put the dog in a kennel like everyone does. He liked the condo because it had many units and that meant lots of people.    He admitted in an off moment that it would cost a lot of money to put the dog in a kennel and even though he laments having so much, he doesn't want to spend it.

I'm moving on from this and putting him totally in charge.  I'm saying this with a smile, because it really is about control.   He thinks that I want it and therefore he won't do it. 

That's how the marriage went.  That's why we aren't friends and there is no marriage.

And yes, I will be back at work in September, God willing.

This blog is wonderful because it allows me to speak.

The rest of the day, I practice stillness.

Thank you, Almighty for teaching me to be CALM, COOL and COLLECTED with STILLNESS!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR BEING IN THE PRESENT, THE ONLY PLACE LIFE EXISTS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I realize that life exists only in the present.   

I am content with my life.

I am thankful to the Almighty for my health, my career,  my faith in God,  and the friends that I have.

I am grateful for all of my activities.

I am happy.


Thank you Almighty for teaching me to understand this.

INTENTION #29

Today, I will set an INTENTION to be peaceful and calm all day long.

I will enjoy the world around me.

I saw a very big change in me yesterday.  I could have reacted to his silence and asked what was wrong.   Then we would have been off and running.

Instead, I enjoyed the feeling of peace as well as accomplishment that I had all day long.  It is no easy feat to get up early to walk before a heat wave descends.   And then to go to work all day.  And then to go to yoga.  And then to start my new book.  And then to make dinner.

I did all this with joy because I appreciated the peacefulness and calmness that stillness has given me.

Today, I will do the same.  There will be different chores and errands, but the innner peace and calmness will remain.

Thank you, Almighty, for being there for me.

GRATEFUL FOR SERENITY

I am grateful to the Almighty for the peaceful feeling of serenity that I feel this morning.

I am in control of my own life and enjoying it.   There is a feeling of peace in me.  I feel content with all that I have accomplished.

I am happy with all the interesting things that I do.

I saw last night how different I was from bygone years and I'm very proud of me.

Yoga has done a lot of this for me.   I appreciate the moment and remind myself not to look back or ahead.

Thank you, Almighty for this feeling of serenity.

GRATEFUL FOR GOING TO WORK TODAY!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am going to work today!!!!!

Just when I thought that I would have to be around him another day, I was rescued!!!

After working all day, I had my private yoga lesson w Leslie.

And I arrived home to peaceful silence.   I guess that I'm supposed to ask why he isn't speaking.  I'm smiling because I know what that will start..........

Thank you, Almighty for giving me wisdom!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR GOING TO YOGA INTENTION #28 YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOU.

I am grateful to the Almighty because I went to a Restorative Yoga Class last night.

While the instructor was speaking, I learned something which was to become INTENTION #28. WE ARE IN CONTROL OF OURSELVES.  OTHERS ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF US!!

It was extremely important for me to hear this.  We are the only ones who can bring us from darkness to light.

I find myself being on guard around him. I am very careful about what I say.  I say very little and try to practice stillness.   Last year, his mantra was Jeff and Linda and we remember how that culminated on July 31st.

This year, it's purchasing a new condo.   He received money from his settlement and he is due to receive more money from the second settlement.   He has no enthusiasm about buying anything.  In reality, he doesn't want to spend the money.   He is going to brokers, but without enthusiasm. It seems to be an activity for him.  He makes the broker drive him around. The cheaper condos are more of the same.  The better ones, he doesn't want.  He doesn't want to spend money. It remains for me to be passionate about this.

For a while, I was passionate, but this morning, while walking,  I realized that for him, this is another control issue where he can play me.

I was angry at myself and vowed not to do that again.

HASN'T YOGA TAUGHT ME TO BE CONTENT WITH WHAT I HAVE?  HASN'T YOGA TAUGHT ME TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT???

I INTEND TO STOP TAKING HIS BAIT AND APPRECIATE THE MOMENT.  I NEED CONTROL OF ME!!!

THAT IS MY INTENTION TODAY!!!!

Thank you, Almighty for these thoughts.

GRATEFUL FOR KNOWING WHEN TO SPEAK

I am so grateful to the Almighty for knowing when to speak and when not to.  Grateful for knowing when to say what you really feel and when to do the dance.

I did the dance tonight when he told me about his next lawsuit!!!

I value my summer and my life!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for knowing what to do.  I said very little of consequence in my tiny little voice that one could just die from.

I am grateful!!!!!!

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR THE ABILITY TO "SEE" INTENTION #27- DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN

I am grateful to the Almighty because I really did have a wonderful time in Westhampton.

I reviewed my entries from last year, and saw a pattern of happiness which was shattered on July 31, 2012.    

Intention # 27 is to be on guard so as to make sure that doesn't happen.    I am going to use everything that I have learned in yoga to make sure of that.

I was amazed at how nice he was to me.   That really is the make of a socially maladjusted individual because he can control what he does.   It made me even more determined to remain on guard and use what I learned in yoga because this could turn on a dime.  I suspect that he too wants a decent summer and so he will leave me alone.

However, there are times when he says something and is hoping for a reaction.  It ain't happening.   

I am grateful to the Almighty for allowing me to finally, "see."

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY - INTENTION # 26 - COOL, CALM, COLLECTED

I am grateful to the Almighty because we returned from Westhampton and I have achieved all of my goals!!!!!

I am not the same person that I wad in 2012.   I was calm, cool and collected.  I spoke about nonsense in my cute little voice.   When I expressed an opinion, if it was disagreed with, I dropped the entire discussion.  I was beyond proud of myself.    I really have let go of that which hasn't served me in order to survive and to heal. I live in the moment and choose what I wish to speak about.   As a result of all this, I had a wonderful time because I truly am a survivor.  I know because of my faith in the Almighty and through yoga, what has to be done in order for me to survive.

I am beyond thankful to the Almighty.

GRATEFUL FOR MY HAMPTONS VACATION

I am grateful to the Almighty because I will be going out to Westhampton tonight and will be there for 5 days!!!!!!

My intentions  (# 21-25) for this vacation are to be calm,  to appreciate stillness and beauty in the world,  to be content with my life,  to let go of that which doesn't serve me and that includes both people and thoughts.  

I am grateful for the wonderful day that I had today.  I walked for over 2 hours early in the morning.   I read my wonderful book.  I went for a manicure and pedicure and now it's off to Leslie for my private lesson.

When I return, we will pack up and leave for the condo.

Thank you, Almighty for my Hamptons vacation.

GRATEFUL FOR APPRECIATING THE LIFE THE ALMIGHTY GAVE ME ( INTENTION # 20)

I am so grateful for the life that the Almighty gave to me.

INTENTION # 20 is to be content with the life that I have.   

I tried my best in all that I did.  I have no regrets.  I worked very hard.  I do not feel guilty at all about what I did.

I will practice BEING CONTENT and STILLNESS today.

In the face of the older daughter moving in with that man, that is the way to keep myself safe.

I am grateful to the Almighty for realizing this.

GRATEFUL FOR STILLNESS (INTENTION # 19)

I am grateful to the Almighty for so many things.

I am grateful that I am going to go to work today.   I am doing everything correctly, but I really do need a break from him.   I did so many nice things yesterday,  but,  I told him that I was working. I purchased new glasses to use for walking.  I brought in items to be laminated at Staples.  I went to WEIGHT WATCHERS and I'm happy to say that my weight is the same as last month and I'm enjoying desserts.  I went to the library too.  I knew that he would be difficult about my doing the things that I enjoy and so there was no sense in telling him.  I didn't.  Work he understands.  I did clean some shelves and drawers and that he understood. 

 I spoke to him at dinner about my disgust at the older one's choice of boyfriend and the many things that I didn't like. Moving in with him makes me sick.  The fact that she won't keep kosher upsets me.  I could see that I would get no backup at all.   I dropped the conversation. The Almighty knows that I was an excellent role model and that's all I could have done.
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I have decided that for today, Intention # 19 will be STILLNESS.   It is a perfect intention because it will allow me the pleasure of enjoying the moment.   Talking to him about many things is a waste of time.  Having global discussions is the best way to go.  I have, in him, no one that I can work with.  The Almighty knows that I did the best that I could do under the circumstances.

For today, I WILL LET GO THOUGHTS THAT DON'T SERVE ME SO THAT I CAN HEAL.

Thank you, Almighty for always being there for me.

Later..................I  am making corrections to INTENTION #19  at work while I take a break from writing goals    I had a really good time in Westhampton, but I really love working!!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR GOING TO WORK

I am grateful to the Almighty because I will be going to work tomorrow.

I will be writing goals for new incoming students.

I'm very excited to go.

Thank you, Almighty for this wonderful opportunity.

I am grateful!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE INTENTION # 18

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me the strength and fortitude to create a life at home.

I did not mind coming home in the least.

I will be glad to go out east again, but for now, in this moment, I am here and I intend to enjoy it.

Intention # 18, for today, is to enjoy my life, in the moment.  I will practice stillness and enjoy the world around me.

Thank you, Almighty, for keeping me safe.

GRATEFUL FOR INTENTION #17............I SUCCEEDED

I am so grateful to the Almighty because I have returned from the condo.

Intention #17 was to succeed and I have done that.  

I had a wonderful time because I lived in the moment and let nothing bother me.

I enjoyed so many things.  I was up early and took a 2-2 1/2 hour walk daily.   I read the newspapers and watched news on television.  I practiced stillness and did not let my guard down.  I let him be in charge.  

There was stillness.

Thank you, Almighty, for sending me yoga so that I could learn this.

I am grateful.