GRATEFUL FOR LIVING A REAL LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am living a real life that is balanced.

I lived a real life outside of the house all my life.   I lived with fear, strategies and emotional abuse when I came home.  Now that is gone and I am free to combine both lives.

I feel such joy in this from the moment I wake up in the morning until I go to sleep at night.

I have a wonderful morning routine with Matzah.  I make plans during the day.  I am calm, quiet, and peaceful.

Yesterday my friend Karen visited.  I went to therapy.  I did chores.  I watched television. I spoke to friends.  I made plans.  I read. This is a real life.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR BALANCE

My intention today is to be grateful for a balanced life.

GRATEFUL BECAUSE I AM BALANCED

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has made my life a balanced one.

When I grew up and while I was married my life was definitely not balanced.  I had a wonderful life both times outside of the house.  

I was emotionally abused in both houses.  I had to create strategies to keep myself safe. I did a lot of crying until I learned to hide my emotions because it gave my abusers joy to make me upset.  My mother said that any comment was "for my own good."  The man I married said "I am always miserable.  You are always happy.  I want you to be as miserable as me."  He created nonsense arguments to satiate himself as he was a psychopath and I cried.  I went to work with red and swollen eyes never knowing what I was arguing about.

When I left the house I became a totally different person and I had joy and fun outside both houses.

Now my abusers are dead.  

The two parts of myself are integrated and I have joy both inside and outside the house.  I balance chores and fun.

The Almighty has given me a balanced life.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE BREATHE AND BEING

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am alive and am able to enjoy all the beauty in the world.

I am grateful for my breathe, my health and being.

I am grateful for avoiding triggers.  Yesterday Stephen made another phone call BUT left a message that said DON'T CALL BACK which I have no intention of doing.

People who didn't suffer from PTSD/DEPRESSION as I did have no idea what a blessing it is just to get up, feel tired and lie down again without the feeling of being stared at or verbally attacked if you stay too long in the house.

Life is a blessing and I intend to make the most out of each moment.

Yesterday I went to The Apple Store, played with my new I-PAD, spoke to friends, made plans, read the paper and watched The Good Doctor on television.  I made a plan with my friend Leslie from ABSOLUTE YOGA.  I brought back WEIGHT WATCHERS.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my breathe and my being and for allowing me to have a rich life.

Thank you Almighty.

GRATEFUL FOR GETTING RID OF TRIGGERS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I believe that I have gotten rid of Stephen the trigger.

I didn't answer the phone.

When I went out with Margie for Mexican food,  I took the phone off the hook.

He didn't call this morning.

I'm FREE!!!!!

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful!!

GRATEFUL FOR KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH TRIGGERS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have learned how to deal with triggers.

Yesterday was a beautiful Sabbath.  I read my newspapers,  I read my book and I enjoyed each and every moment.

Today I was rudely awoken at 7:30 by Stephen who has not called me in 3 months.  (It was supposed to be 6 months.)  He left a message saying not to call him back.   He even called on my cell phone.  Memories of the way I was treated at home flooded inside me and then left. Memories of the way he treated me when I married made their way in also.  Memories of the way that he treated me this entire year came back too.  Then these memories left and I moved on to live in the moment.  My life is peaceful and quiet now and I intend to keep it that way.   He just called again telling me that he would call me back tonight...........

I have learned a lot from therapy and I intend to keep it that way.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.


PS   I did have a wonderful day as I now know how to deal with triggers.  I spoke to friends ad also bf.  I put gas in the truck, finally went to Weight Watchers and I gained 3 pounds.  No more dessert for me!!!!!  I got the car washed too.  I went to Dunkin' Donuts and bought coffee. Then I read the papers.  I even managed to begin putting my new I-PAD together.

I'm very proud of me and grateful to the Almighty for all He has done for me.

Thank you!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE NEW NORMAL.......A PEACEFUL SABBATH

I am grateful to the Almighty for the new normal that I am living as it brings me a peaceful Sabbath.

I am not yet ready to go to services but I have the Almighty in my heart and I am grateful for a peaceful Sabbath.

I was always so uncomfortable preparing Shabbos when he was alive.  We ate in the dining room to make it more festive.  He objected because it was too much work.  However, I was doing the work.  He would fling off his skull cap after I made Kiddush and he would mumble the blessing.   

Saturday morning he would call Ellen at 9:00.  I had already left for services.  There was a time that I cajoled him into coming to services at 10:30 because I saw other couples there.  He came and proceeded to create an issue by saying, "Good Shabbos," to Rhonnie at least ten times if she didn't answer him.   At home, like the psychopath that he was, he proceeded to interrogate me about what Rhonnie did.  I would sit on the kitchen chair and try to explain her to him.  After he was satiated he walked away.  Finally I said that since he didn't believe in the Almighty he didn't have to come to services.  He didn't.

What began was questioning me when I came home from services.  Who was there?  What did they say?  I made up stories and soon started to tell him what we read in the Torah in a quiet voice.  That wasn't what he wanted and soon he left me alone.

The rest of the day he was silent except to tell me how bored he was.  He would object to going out Saturday night until I felt there was no need to go.

I AM NOW SO HAPPY WITH MY SABBATH.

Friday night I light candles and proceed to bless the wine, wash my hands and bless the challah.

I have my dinner quietly in the kitchen watching my new television.

Saturday is a peaceful, spiritual and quiet day.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.