GRATEFUL FOR BEING BACK

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am back!!!!!

I am free to be me and I am loving each and every moment.

No more stomach aches.

No more fear.

I have time to appreciate the world and all it offers.

Yesterday I practiced yoga,  went to therapy, had an appointment with Dom where we are creating a CD annuity and then had a wonderful dinner with Dennis who will be my friend forever.

I spoke to John too.

I'm back and I'm grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR MORNING STILLNESS

I am grateful to the Almighty for the morning stillness.

Gone is the feeling of not being safe and the strategies to maintain safety.

There is peace in the morning and throughout the entire day.  Chores are getting done and there is time for play.  Yesterday I practiced yoga, had a lunch date with Doris and Zita, bought a coffee pot, went to the jewelry stores to create new pieces out of old ones like a new life, and read and watched television.

Life is peaceful and still thanks to the Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR NEW DREAMS

I am grateful to the Almighty for all the new dreams and possibilities in my new life.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING ME

 I am grateful to the Almighty because He has helped me to be myself.

I didn't change but since there is no one to abuse me I can have joy in every spect of my life whether it's chores or just pure fun.   Yesterday I cleaned the entire house and took the dog for a grooming.  I got coffee at Starbucks.  I texted.  I read.  I was joyful.

I was at peace.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR LAUGHING

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have begun to laugh again.  I am enjoying life.

Yesterday I went to services and sat with my friends at the dedication service of a chair lift that will allow me and others like me to get to the second floor of the building without climbing stairs.


Last night my boyfriend Jay came over.  He brought Matzah a squeaky bottle of bear, a bone cookie an a card.  I received flowers, a lovely card and a wonderful bear.  We laughed and joked all evening.I took him to Morrison's and we had a wonderful time.   

I am grateful for laughter in my life.

Thank you Almighty.

GRATEFUL FOR THE ABSENCE OF FEAR

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has taken "FEAR" out of my life.

It is not that I am totally unafraid.

However, since my abusers are deceased, the concept of keeping myself safe in my own home and strategies for survival in my own home have disappeared as have the butterflies in my stomach.

Yesterday my new kitchen set arrived and I purchased a yoga lady to place at the middle of the table between my yoga mugs.  I also bought place mats for the table.

As I ate my Sabbath dinner I looked at a new chair and table and felt joy and peace and the absence of fear.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR MY BOYFRIEND

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has sent John Fleitman back into my life.

I am learning about myself from Jay.

I am learning that men can be loving and compassionate from Jay.

Thank you Almighty for sending Jay.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR RIDDING MYSELF OF TRIGGERS

I am so grateful to the Almighty because He is helping me to understand and get rid of triggers.

Obviously the people that trigger me, like my daughters, need to be understood so that a trigger doesn't affect me.

However items that trigger me need to be disposed of............like my kitchen table and chairs and this morning a new set is arriving.   I've been up since 7AM.  I'm showered, dressed and waiting.  Hopefully I can practice yoga this morning too.  I sat across from him every evening for as long as we were together.  Never once did he compliment the dinner and I never brought in dinner.  When he became ill he even gagged on the dinner.  That table has very bad memories for me.   It's leaving and I am beyond happy.

Hence a new table and new memories!!!!   

I also purchased a new crock pot and skillet.  The old ones had negative memories. 

Thank you Almighty for your help in this endeavor.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL THAT I KNOW ABOUT TRIGGERS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I know about triggers and how to handle them.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR THE JOY OF LIVING

I am grateful to the Almighty for the joy of living a balanced and complete life.

I am so happy.

Yesterday was filled with chores such as going to 2 banks, the post office, housework and mail.  It was fun things to do too.  I practiced yoga.  I got a manicure.  I had dinner with friends and went to a Sisterhood Executive Board meeting.

It was a joyful and balanced day.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR MY ENERGY

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has given me back all of energy.

I am loving it!!!!

I am loving life!!!

Today I practiced yoga at the studio at 9:30 in the morning. I have not practiced in the class since September.  I did errands with joy.  I texted, and spoke to boyfriend too!!!!

I am so thrilled that I purchased a new kitchen table and chairs.  It's arriving Friday morning.  I couldn't be happier.  My aim is to make this house my own.

I'm going to get a manicure later and have dinner with Linda, Rhonnie and Gail tonight.  I'm going to an Executive Board meeting of the Sisterhood tonight.  I'm on the Education committee.

I am grateful  to the Almighty because He has given me energy and given me back my life.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR PEACE AND CALM

I am grateful to the Almighty for the peace and calm that I have found in my new life.

This is the way that I wake up every morning.  Every day is a beautiful new adventure.  Whether it is filled with chores or pleasure my life is amazing.

I am happy beyond belief.

I know who my triggers are.  I have two therapists to discuss all of this with.  I have friends. Last night I went to dinner with Margie and today I will practice yoga and go shopping at Bed and Bath.

I am grateful to the Almighty for saving me from continual abuse.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR REST

I am grateful to the Almighty for the rest that I have at night.

I always had to get up early in order to avoid the needling and bantering or the "good morning Ellen sweetheart" that occurred each morning. There was never a "good morning sweetheart for me.

Now I can get up, stretch and even go back to sleep if I choose to.  It seems like a little thing but it shows one how scared, fearful, unhappy and unsafe I was. I have so much more time because all I thought of were strategies.

I am free to breathe and rest.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR PUTTING THE ALMIGHTY FOR HELPING ME PUT MY LIFE BACK TOGETHER

I am grateful to the Almighty for helping me to put my life back together.

He certainly made me a resilient creature.  The therapists have said this to me but I didn't believe them.   I thought that I had failed.

I didn't fail at all.  He was a very small part of my life as were my parents.  I created a wonderful life, outside of both abusive houses,  with the Almighty's help.  I graduated from Queens College with a B.A., 2 M.S. degrees and the SAS/SDA.   I taught Social Studies both at Marie Curie JHS and at Lincoln Hall.  I supervised the program at Lincoln Hall too.  BOCES was filled with classroom activities, trips, overnights and then I became the Curriculum Coordinator at C.C.A.  I retired with a wonderful pension.

I have wonderful friends that keep me busy all the time.

I have a variety of different activities. It has taken a while for me to add back all of the amazing activities that made up my life.  I read and attend book clubs.  I facilitate them too.  I am active at Plainview Jewish Center. I attend services.  I am active in the Sisterhood.  I practice yoga too.

Today I brought back walking.   I walked for an hour.

I am grateful to the Almighty for helping and encouraging me to put my life together.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR PUTTING TOGETHER MY LIFE'S PUZZLE

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has helped me greatly to put together my life's puzzle.

He sent me therapists to that I now understand what happened to me my entire life.  They have told me how resilient I am and how I created a wonderful life outside the home.  My abusers were but a small part of my life.

He is helping me put together my life again.  I did so many things outside of the house but I gave them up when PTSD occurred.  Now through therapy and medication I am putting my life back together.  I am grateful for this.

Today I will again practice yoga at my 11AM class at Absolute Yoga.

Then it's off to do chores.

I am grateful to the Almighty for bringing me back to life.  Today I arose at 7:30AM.  I remember when I couldn't get up at all.

Thank you Almighty.

GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE JOY IN MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for all the joy that He has given me.

Yesterday I took a private yoga lesson with my friend Leslie at Absolute Yoga.  It was wonderful.  I am ready to take classes at the studio.  I will take on on Friday, the same Level 1 class with Leslie that I always take.

Today is Valentines Day.  Last year, it was my abusers funeral.  Today I will spend the day with Jay.   Seth and Dana are flying to Alabama to visit his family.  Remi is walking in the hallways.  I made a plan at a local Mexican Restaurant called Margarita's for March 3 when Seth and Dana come to visit.

I'm feeling better.  Today I have therapy.

What a difference a year makes.

I am grateful to the Almighty for all that He has given me.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR A BEAUTIFUL SKY

I am grateful to the Almighty for the beautiful sky that I saw this morning.   It was changing from a dark gray, to light gray, to blue.

I had the time to do this because I have time now to live and love my life.  Yesterday on that snowy day, I continued to make the house mine.  I straightened up the pantry spices and then I moved my books into the room that I'm using as a yoga room.  The change begins April 29 with Freddy.  I'm so excited.

I had a wonderful dinner last night too that I savored.  I made codfish with zucchini squash, a salad and veggies with fruit for dessert.  I ate as I watched my new television in the kitchen.

Today I'm taking a private yoga lesson at the studio.

Thank for for my life Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A SNOW DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for a "snow day."

The snow has not started yet but it will.  Yesterday I went out to lunch with my friend Marilyn and today I have my standing lunch plans with Doris, Zita and Rose.  They will make the decision as to whether we go or not.  It's supposed to be messy.

If we don't go I will be home having a peaceful and spiritual day.

I will chat with all my friends and boy friend, read, relax, meditate, and "be."

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING AND THE BREATHE

I am grateful to the Almighty for being right in this moment and loving it so. 

Each time I forget and move to the PAST or FUTURE I just breathe. 

Yesterday I cleaned the entire house,went for a new manicure and had dinner at Morrison's with Margie.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR EACH NEW DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for each new healthy, happy, content, and calm new day.

It is wonderful and truly amazing.

My heart soars when I wake up and I anticipate the day.

Last night I went out with my boyfriend Jay.  I've know him since the third grade.  We laugh together and enjoy life.  We speak or text daily.  I had a crush on him in the eighth grade.  He was the boy in my diary!!!!  Last night we had Japanese/Chinese food and he came back to the house.  I've always liked him.

Life is so good and each day is a blessing.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR GOING TO PJC SERVICES

I am grateful to the Almighty because today was the Sabbath and I went back to services.

I did not set the alarm because I am taking Xanax and I didn't think it was a good idea to jump out of bed with an alarm waking me up.  I arose at 7:30 and was at the synagogue at 9:30.

Everyone was happy to see me and I was delighted to be back praying.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A PEACEFUL MORNING

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me the beauty of peaceful and serene mornings.

I enjoy waking up to quiet and peace and lounging in bed with Matzah for a few extra minutes.

I NEVER had that luxury.  It is beautiful to have.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL THAT LIFE IS CALM

I am grateful to the Almighty because my life is calm.

My life is peaceful and quiet.

I am doing all of my chores and I am having fun.  There are no strategies that I need to use for my survival.  I'm getting enough sleep too.  I am balancing work and play.

Yesterday, for example, I washed floors and paid bills and mailed them at the post office.  I went to therapy too.  I made chicken for dinner and found the time to see Mama Mia.....Here We Go Again at the library in the evening.  I read, texted and spoke to friends.

Today Dom is coming to discuss finances and I will go food shopping.  I will also read my book, watch television and meditate.

I am grateful because the Almighty has given me a calm life.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR UNDERSTANDING WHAT TRIGGERS DO

I am grateful to the Almighty because through therapy I now am beginning to understand triggers, what they do to me and how to handle them.

Yesterday was a wonderful day.  I had lunch out with the ladies and then went to a book discussion at the Plainview library.  I picked up a ring at Solomon Jewelers. In the evening I had dinner with other friends and invited my friend Margie to a Sisterhood Book Club meeting.

However, there were triggers in my day and I handled them.  My brother who made phone calls and left messages telling me NOT to call him back arrived at my house in the morning unannounced.  I thought quickly and said that I had a bathrobe on and was going to take a shower.  He said the same thing as the phone messages.........that he was doing his bathrooms and would be very very busy.  He left.

I then thought about how his behavior gives validity to the abused way that I was treated.  

I received a video from Hilary showing Remi walking in the park with my son-in-law and his parents.  When I babysat on Tuesdays, I was left alone and Izzy went to the movies.

I asked Hilary how we would spend her birthday and heard that she was spending weeks after her two day trip to Florida relaxing.

I did feel sadness and acknowledged it.  I did feel a stomach ache and acknowledged it.  I kept moving on with my on life and showing myself compassion.

I am understanding how depression is right under the surface and how to handle it.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR WALKIG FORWARD

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am walking forward.

Yesterday I had lunch with my friend Leslie who owns Absolute Yoga.  I'm going to do a private lesson with her tomorrow as I move back into taking yoga classes.

Today I'm having lunch with my friends before the book discussion at the Plainview library. Tonight I'm having dinner with other friends before the Sisterhood Book Club.

Life is coming back thanks to the Almighty.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL BECAUSE I AM FREE OF MY ABUSERS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am free of my abusers.

I can enjoy my life to the fullest.

I try to.

I speak to friends, make plans and even my chores are fun.

It's as though a weight has been taken off my shoulders.

This past weekend I had dinner with Jay.  I went to Weight Watchers.  I got a pedicure.  I finished my book.  I cleaned.

No one abused me.  I enjoyed each and every moment.  Matzah Brie enjoys having everyone at the house too.

Today I'm having lunch with my friend Leslie.  My intention is to get myself back to yoga.

Life is good.

I am grateful to the Almighty for allowing me to breathe.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL BECAUSE I AM HAPPY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am happy.

I have never really had this feeling before.  I was happy to be going somewhere, or getting something BUT I have NEVER been truly happy just because I feel that way.  It's an awesome feeling!!

For the first time in my entire life I am not being abused!!!!!!   I have no strategies.  I'm not keeping myself safe.  I'm just enjoying the world calmly.  I am content and at peace.

Thank you Almighty!!

I am grateful!!

GRATEFUL BECAUSE I AM IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty because FINALLY I am in charge of my life.

You are helping me to make decisions and my abusers are gone!

I am loving it.

Thank you!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY WONDERFUL NEW MORNINGS

I am grateful to the Almighty for the wonderful mornings that He has given me.

I no longer have to live in fear.  I no longer have to creates strategies for survival and safety.

I no longer have to dress by eight o'clock and race out of the house to walk at The Home Depot or outside and then rush to yoga to avoid an attack.

I am no longer starred at in the morning without being spoken to.

I no longer hear, "Good Morning, Ellen."

My abuser is dead.

I awake happily and decide when to get up in the morning quietly and peacefully.  Matzah wakes beside me as I give him Reiki, brush him, feed him and let him out.  I go to the driveway to pick up the papers and bring in water.

I text G'morning to some friends and the girls.

I eat breakfast watching my new television and then read the papers as long as I want to.

I love my new mornings.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.