GRATITUDE FOR YOGA AND A WALK

I am grateful to the Almighty for the wonderful yoga class that I had this morning and for the walk that I just took.

The theme of my yoga classes this week was not to make New Year Resolutions which one doesn't keep shortly after one makes them.

Yogis create intentions.

I created intentions for the new year.  Here they are:

INTENTIONS FOR 2015
*  I will honor myself.
*  I will celebrate my successes and accomplishments.
*  I will celebrate my retirement.
*  I will accept myself and my life and be content.
*  I will show perception.
*  I will be authentic.

I hung these up in my music room.  After I say my mantras I can think of these daily.

I took a wonderful walk in the freezing weather this afternoon.  

In keeping with my intention to be authentic, I decided NOT to go out New Years Eve again. That would not be a real experience.

I'm proud of me.

Thank you, almighty for sending me yoga and for this wonderful walk.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW YEAR

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me a beautiful New Year.

My intention this year is to honor myself.  I will say and do things that with the help of the Almighty will keep me healthy and happy.   

My intention is to really see the authentic me.  I will see who I am and will be able with the help of the Almighty to keep myself healthy and happy.

I will see things in perspective.  At this point in my life, I've done the best that I could do and I must accept this.

A New Year is like a new snowfall.  One must tread lightly if one is to survive and be careful of the steps one takes.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this New Year.

Thank you!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MORE NEW WORDS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I went to yoga this morning and learned another important term that I intend to use all year long:

HONOR YOURSELF

I intent to spend the year honoring myself.   I will see to it that I come first and this will make me healthy and happy.

Thank you, Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW WORD

I am grateful to the Almighty because I went to Leslie's yoga class yesterday. 

Her word for the new year is: PERSPECTIVE.   I will use it as my word too.  Perspective will allow me to be healthy and happy as I begin to see things from different points of view and make myself most important to myself.  At this point in my life, it's about me.

I used this idea already.  The older one is planning her wedding.  I told her that she needs kosher food and a rabbi as is proper in a Jewish wedding.  The rest is her choice.

I feel better already.

I saw the film WILD yesterday.  It was amazing.

I had Greek food for dinner too.

I'm off to take a yoga class today.

This afternoon I'm getting a mani/pedi.

I won't walk today and might take a second yoga class instead.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

Thank you!!!

GRATEFUL FOR ANOTHER REALIZATION

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have had another realization which will serve me very well.

I am too hard on myself.    I try too hard.   This is retirement.  I need to relax.

I am grateful to the Almighty because he has shown his true colors early.   I do not have to buy another condo with him.   I do not need to go on vacations with him.  I can just enjoy my very own life.

I can just "be."

Today I will walk.   I will attend my yoga class.

I will enjoy my life.

I am grateful to you, Almighty for this realization.

Thank you!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY BIRTHDAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for allowing me to experience another healthy birthday.

I am grateful for so many things:
* I'm healthy
* I have the Almighty in my life.
* I have retired.
* My girls are healthy.
* I have activities that I enjoy.
* I have friends to do things with.
* I am making appropriate decisions for myself.
* I have the money to be independent.

My intention this year is not to let my adversaries in my life get the best of me.

Thank you, Almighty for all the gifts in my life.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

Today I awoke happily realizing that I am a new person who cannot be fooled and is in charge of herself.

He promised to change.  That stupid, I'm not.  It's time to be quiet and move on.

I went to services and enjoyed both the service, the friends and the extended kiddush which the congregation was invited to because the cantor's son was called to the Torah before his wedding.  Little did I know that the cantor and his wife are also marred 43 years but their's is a marriage of true happiness unlike mine.  

That aside, I came home to walk, and read. 

Thank you, Almighty for my new life.

I am grateful to the Almighty for all my new realizations.

GRATEFUL FOR THE SABBATH

I am grateful to the Almighty because tonight is the beginning of the Sabbath.

I am having a day that is filed with joy.  

It was amazing that I was able to walk outside for two hours.  I then completed errands and now I am getting ready for the Sabbath.

I have been quiet with him.  He is very frustrated with this approach and is probably waiting for me to stop.   I'm not going to.  I answer every comment with a mirror comment including the fact that he is moving up his doctor appointment and I'm moving up mine too.

Retirement is a new door that I am opening.  It is my door and  am opening it joyfully.

Thank you, Almighty for the Sabbath.

GRATITUDE FOR YOGA

I am grateful to the Almighty because He made it possible for me to learn about yoga.

I have learned so much.  

Yesterday I learned that I was put on this earth to have joy.  I am.  I am also trying to let go of that which doesn't serve me so that I can heal.  It isn't easy because there are so many habits that need to be broken but I will try.

Today I will be able to walk outside.  It looks beautiful.  The yoga studio is closed today so I will be able to relax, read and drink DD coffee.


Retirement is definitely not easy with him in the house but it is definitely a work in progress.  There are so many topics that can't be discussed and as we hit one, I add it to my list.  So far we have:  

* NEIGHBORS
* THE SYNAGOGUE AND RABBI
* VACATIONS
* CONDOS
* DOCTORS
* FRIENDS
* WHERE THE DOG EATS

It's getting to be peaceful and quiet here.  I am experiencing joy too.  I am letting go of all my anger.   Yesterday I told him that I would like to be treated with the qualities of a supervisor.   He won't do it and I won't speak.  Then how sad for him, there can't be a fight!!!!!

Yoga has taught me how to do this.

I am grateful to the Almighty for sending me yoga.

Thank you!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR LIVING IN JOY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I just completed the most wonderful yoga class.

It was an All Levels class and I learned that yogis wanted to live in joy.

I came home to another one of his temper tantrums.  However this time I thought of myself as a supervisor, spoke like a supervisor and told him that when I worked, I didn't allow my teachers to repeat themselves.   If he had nothing new to say, he should be quiet.

I did not allow him to take me down a different road.  He is upset about this because he can't threaten or play gotcha.

It was easy to do because at this point it's over me me.

I am grateful that I live in joy.

Thank you, Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE CALMNESS THAT I FEEL

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am happy and feeling calm, content and quiet.

I have begun to transfer my "work personality" to home and that has made all the difference for me.

Yesterday was a very peaceful day complete with a chicken dinner!!!!

Today is Christmas Day and everything except DD is closed.

I am off to take a yoga class and then to enjoy the peace of the day.

I will read, drink DD coffee and listen to music.

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am feeling peaceful.

Thank you, Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A WONDERFUL YEAR

I am grateful to the Almighty for the wonderful year that I have had.

I am grateful that I retired.

I am grateful for this wonderful day.

I was able to secure the two parts of me and I am proud of myself.

I told an amazing yoga class.

I went to the butcher and I am having chicken for dinner.

I finished my book.

I'm sitting in the music room listening to music while a candle burns.

Best of all,  I am using my work personality at home and I am calm and content.

Thank you, Almighty for the decision to retire and helping me to see who I really am.

I am grateful!!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR BEING STRONG

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am a strong and competent woman.

I am in the process of putting the two halves of me together and then I'm going to be amazing.

Today I will take a yoga class and then read an enjoyable book.

He will try all sorts of antics and I will treat him as a supervisor does.

I realized that I was too young when this started.  After my mother died in 1984, I escaped by working.  I now have to deal with this and I know exactly what to do.

I think the Almighty gave me this racing heart so I would move forward and change.

Thank you, Almighty for my strength and intelligence.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW REALIZATION

I am grateful to the Almighty for a new realization that I had this afternoon.

I realized that the entire relationship that I had with him was based on me trying to please him. It was as though I was divided into two distinct halves.   I took direction from competent people all through my working years.  They never changed the directions even though they might have tweaked them before I started.  I know what to do.  I knew how to do whatever it was and it was done in a timely fashion.   I was always praised for my ability and motivation.

I could never please him because the relationship was set up as one of control.  I could only fail doing this because I was never sure as to what I was supposed to do.  Everything was doomed to failure.  There was nothing that was shared and there were no compromises.

Even though he was a bully, I fed into this because I had no self-esteem thanks to what my family of origin had done to me.

I had this realization after my first yoga class today.  I decided to let him know that I was bringing back my work personality.  He could be in charge.  He could make decisions.  Whatever he wanted was fine.  He could decide to buy a condo or not................................

This did not sit well with him because he had lost control of me.    He told me that he was leaving.  I never responded.  He never left.

I feel so much better because I am in control of myself.

Thank you, Almighty for this realization.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING INTELLIGENT

I am grateful to the Almighty because He made me an intelligent human being.

I am beginning to realize that there is a downside to retirement.  One has too much time to think about the past and that can create depression.

Therefore from this time forth when I catch myself doing this I will STOP and remind myself of my blessings.

I took the echo test yesterday and the technician said that what she saw was fine.  I do wonder what is causing the racing heartbeat.  My guess is that it's probably stress.  I notice that my weight has gone down too, to one hundred pounds.  Whenever I am around him this happens and because it is winter, I'm around him a great deal.  I will have to watch this.

I'm on my way to yoga and then I will do some errands.

I plan to take a Restorative Yoga class tonight.

Thank you, Almighty for making me intelligent so that I can make changes in my life.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR FINDING MY WAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am slowly finding my way with him.

It's been a difficult road BUT I am slowly learning how to behave when I am around him.

Today I go for the echocardiogram.

With the help of the Almighty, I will be fine.

I am grateful for all of my new observations.

Thank you, Almighty.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am alive and healthy on this new day.

Today I will walk at Home Depot and take a yoga class.

Matzah is going for his dog grooming.

I had gone to Dr. B.Well Naturally on Friday and gotten a natural mood enhancer and I'm happy to say that it is working.  I feel a great deal better.  My shoulder is also better and my life is moving ahead.

Synagogue services were wonderful years.  Talking to my "synagogue buddies" was fun.  I did not make more of it than I had to.  He decided not to go out last night, but leave it to little resourceful me.   I made dinner, read my book in my music room and watched a sci-fi special on HBO.  I even did the laundry and some straightening up.

I was proud of me.

Thank you, Almighty for a new day.

I am grateful.

REALITY

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has given me a shot of reality and I have taken it.

Today I went to services which I really enjoyed.  I did not let anyone bother me.  I understood that these were synagogue friends and I did not up my expectations.

I came home and although he promised me a condo, I knew better than to expect it as I have realized that he lies.

I am not worried about my echocardiagram because whatever will be will be.

I am enjoying this Sabbath afternoon.

Thank you, Almighty for putting me in touch with reality.

GRATEFUL FOR MY CHECKUPS

I am grateful to the Almighty that my doctor checkup and my periodontist checkup are over and were good ones.

I still have to take the echocardiogram on Monday.  Hopefully with the Almighty's help, it will be fine.

I'm off to take not one but two yoga classes.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my life.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR MY CHECKUP

I am grateful to the Almighty because my checkup was a very good one.

I do have to go back on Monday for an echocardiagram  as my heart was racing in the office. 

The doctor said that my shoulder pain probably comes from the stress that I have been feeling.

Today I am going to get my hair colored and blown out.

I also have a periodontist appointment.

I hope that my bonding remains in tack.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my checkup.

Thank you, Almighty.

GRATEFUL FOR STRENGTH

I am grateful to the Almighty for making me a strong person.

The younger now who was a lesbian, then married a Jamaican Jewish Orthodox Black man has now become transgender.

The older one is marrying the Iraqi.

We are not buying a new condo out east. 

Everyday I get hit with new and wonderful pieces of information.

Today I am going to the doctor and getting the results of my checkup.

No wonder that my shoulder hurts.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my strength.

Thank you, Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR RETIREMENT

I am grateful to the Almighty because I retired.

I am learning to rest, relax and enjoy the activities that I choose.

I have gotten off the treadmill.

I am grateful.

Thank you, Almighty.

GRATEFUL FOR A BEAUTIFUL MONDAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because today is Monday and it is a beautiful day and I'm going to enjoy it.

Thank you Almighty for this day.

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for a new day.

Thank you so much.

GRATEFUL FOR NEW DREAMS IN MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for burying old dreams and creating new ones.

It definitely is time for that.

Thank you, Almighty for this realization.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING TO RELAX

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have learned to relax.

In doing this, I have thought about lots of things and moved forward with changes to be made in my life.

Thank you Almighty.  I never relaxed before and I'm learning how.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING TO RELAX

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have learned to relax.

I actually watched tv today.

I'm going to do it again!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

I'm going to have to re-vamp my schedule.  I will be walking more at Home Depot due to bad weather.   I am going to create more interesting projects to do.  Right now, I'm listening to soothing meditation music.  I will read more and all in all this period of hibernation will pass and it will be Spring again.

Yesterday we had a nor'easter and it was wonderful to know that I didn't have to get up early to go to work.  I had some projects in mind and thy were completed in a timely fashion.  The weather let up and I politically went out to dinner with him in order to go to my book discussion which I really enjoyed.

This morning I awoke early.  My pressure was good and I realized that my shoulder pain had lessened.  It is probably a combination of a yoga problem/stress.  Living with him isn't easy but I'm watching what he does, how he responds, how he complains nation wide, how he makes promises that are lies and how I react.  I am inside a great deal more now and with him around it can be stressful.  

Today I'm going to a Lunch and Learn.  I will walk at Home Depot.  Tonight is Sisterhood Bingo. 

In between I will read, drink DD coffee and start my new book.

I am in the process of keeping a task analysis of his activities to better prepare myself for emotional reactions.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

Thank you, Almighty.

GRATEFUL FOR A RAINY DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because it is raining today.

This will definitely allow me to relax.

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with him and to my book club.

I am grateful for a rainy day.

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR MYSELF

I am grateful to the Almighty because even after all the verbal abuse that I have had to suffer I have not lost sight of who I am and what I have accomplished.

It has been a little rough at times culminating in this condo purchasing scam.  I think that I have a better insight into the devious things that he can do so that I will never be taken in again.  I worked for a very long time and was out of the house so I didn't spend that much time with him.  Since I am above board and honest, it never ceases to amaze me at what a lier he is.

I am feeling much better both physically and emotionally and it will be a long time until I get taken in again.

Today I did many things in reverse.  

I attended my yoga class.

I attended a wonderful book discussion.

I'm hoping to walk inside at Home Depot later.

I'm hoping to watch a film later too.

Thank you, Almighty for helping me not to loose sight of who I am and the things that I have accomplished.

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A CALM MIND

I am grateful to the Almighty because I went to yoga this morning, after I walked.   The instructor talked about having a calm mind in order to solve problems.

That's exactly what I have been doing and it is really working.

I decided to do this after discovering that we are not going to buy the Westhampton Pines Timberidge Condominium.  He didn't want to spend the money.  This would have been fine with me except he spent two years looking for a condo out east with me only to decide not to purchase one.  What a complete waste of my time.  He doesn't read or have activities so this filled up his time.  However it was a real waste of my time.  Truth be told, I didn't really want to purchase one with him.  I am content and happy with my life.  Making a purchase like this could only stir up issues.  However I still don't enjoy my time being wasted.

I also realized that he sets up conversation just to cause controversy. I created a slogan of 4 topics that don't have to be discussed and I called them N.E.C.K.   The N stands for neighbors, friends and family.   The E stands for Ellen.   The C stands for condo and the K stands for kids. I announced that if there is something to talk about we can speak otherwise it can just be quiet.

This is working beautifully.  I walked this morning at Home Depot.  I took a yoga class.  I did some errands.  I read the newspapers with DD coffee.  All the while he keeps asking what is wrong.  Nothing is wrong.  I'm just not wasting more time.

My instructor was correct.  You need a calm mind in order to solve problems.

I am grateful that I heard this.

Thank you, Almighty.

GRATEFUL THAT IT IS RAINING

I am grateful to the Almighty because it is raining and I can relax.

I went to services on a cold and rainy day.  I hung out with friends.

I am happy that it is raining because I can relax and read my latest book.

Perhaps I will walk at Home Depot.

I know for certain that I will breathe quietly, talk less and relax.

Thank you, Almighty for this day.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR INTELLIGENCE

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has made me a very bright individual.

Last night my shoulder hurt very badly and I was up a lot.  I was also crying softly so that he would not hear.  It is very frustrating living with him as I can now see that his main goal is to upset me.  Although I realize this it is very hard to tolerate.  I will give you an example.  He actually set up a date with a real estate broker out east to purchase a condo which on his own, he was very excited about.  I agreed.  Two days later he told me that he was too old to buy another condo, it would involve too much fixing up, and it was too expensive for the time we would use it.  I agreed.  He changed his mind.  This is the way I was trapped into marriage, with many lies.  I HATE CONFUSION.

I have come up with goals that I will follow in order to make this relationship a quiet one.  Here they are:

l.  There must be quiet conversation. (He would like nothing better than to create a fight and call 911.)

2.  He must be consistent in what he says.  What he says needs to be thought through.  I will write down and have him sign what he says if I deem it to be important.

3.  Conversation must be positive OR there needs to be no conversation at all.

4.  I will only make positive comments about anything.  That will surely shut him down.


I will survive this because I am a bright and capable woman who celebrates her accomplishments and has buried dreams and lives in the present.

Today, I was able to walk and take a wonderful yoga class.

Tonight is the Sabbath.

I am grateful to the Almighty who has given me intelligence and helped me to figure this out.

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY HEALTH

I am grateful to the Almighty for my good health.

Today I went for my blood/urine test.  I hope that I will be fine after my checkup.

I walked for two hours today.  It was sunny, cold and beautiful.

My yoga class was amazing.

I read the newspapers with DD coffee.

He found a condo that he wanted to buy.  Now he doesn't want to buy it.  All in an attempt to make me crazy.   It didn't succeed. I NEVER raised my voice no matter what he said.    We are having dinner home tonight.  I reached a point where I can't do pretend conversation.  I am proud of myself.  Truthfully, nothing needs to be purchased.  I am finally out of the hole. Why make it larger????

Now he likes the girls.  I agreed that I do also.  Everyone loves confusion!!!!  I'm getting good at this.

I hope that my blood/urine test was good.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my good heath.

Thank you, Almighty.

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

I walked this morning for an hour at Home Depot because it was raining.

Then it was off to Mel's yoga class.

I read the newspapers with DD coffee.

Tonight we will be going to Cinema Arts to see Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary talk about the group.  It's the 50th anniversary.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

Thank you!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR HAPPINESS

I am grateful to the Almighty for the happiness that I feel in my everyday life.  I am trying very hard to let go of that which doesn't serve me and I believe that I am succeeding.

Today I walked for an hour on a very cold and dreary day.  I mailed bills.  Tomorrow I will walk inside.  It was freezing.

I enjoyed my yoga class a great deal.

I read the newspapers with DD coffee and soon will go to get a mani/pedicure.

I am enjoying my book for one of the clubs that I attend.

I am happy.

Thank you Almighty for the gift of happiness.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

Recently I was caught up thinking about things and people who were cruel to me in the past.  I think that this is why my shoulder was hurting.   I have moved forward and am making a big effort not to discuss anyone who did not "serve me" in the past.  That way I can heal.

Yesterdays film, THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING, the story of Stephen Hawkings was excellent as was dinner.

I walked this morning on a beautiful and warm December day.

I had a really good workout in my yoga class.

I am going to choose a ring for my birthday present this afternoon.

We have The Jewish Institute tonight.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

Thank you!!!!