GRATEFUL FOR A NEW REALIZATION

I am grateful to the Almighty for a new realization that I had this afternoon.

I realized that the entire relationship that I had with him was based on me trying to please him. It was as though I was divided into two distinct halves.   I took direction from competent people all through my working years.  They never changed the directions even though they might have tweaked them before I started.  I know what to do.  I knew how to do whatever it was and it was done in a timely fashion.   I was always praised for my ability and motivation.

I could never please him because the relationship was set up as one of control.  I could only fail doing this because I was never sure as to what I was supposed to do.  Everything was doomed to failure.  There was nothing that was shared and there were no compromises.

Even though he was a bully, I fed into this because I had no self-esteem thanks to what my family of origin had done to me.

I had this realization after my first yoga class today.  I decided to let him know that I was bringing back my work personality.  He could be in charge.  He could make decisions.  Whatever he wanted was fine.  He could decide to buy a condo or not................................

This did not sit well with him because he had lost control of me.    He told me that he was leaving.  I never responded.  He never left.

I feel so much better because I am in control of myself.

Thank you, Almighty for this realization.

I am grateful.