GRATEFUL FOR MOVING FORWARD

I am grateful to the Almighty because He is helping me to move forward.

Friday's closing was a terrible trigger. I created many false dreams and illusions about the new co-op.  It was coupled with the fact that I realized who Hilary really was..... inherited psychopathology from my mother with him as an environmental father and me as the abused.  She would like this to continue.

I did not go to services yesterday.  I spent the day thinking, straightening up, preparing for Passover and talking to my friends.

I realized that I have closed the door on the last of my false illusions.

It's time to move forward.

Today I'm going to Meditation and a wonderful yoga retreat in my studio.

The kitchen is being prepared for Pesach some I'm off to dinner too.

I am grateful to the Almighty for walking by my side.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING TO DEAL WITH TRIGGERS

I am grateful to te Almighty because He has helped me to learn how to deal with triggers.

Yesterday was the closing for the co-op.  I sold it to a friend of mine.......Robert Lombardi and his wife Madeline but it was still hard because there was a false dream and false pictures that were created about it.  I felt very sad about this.

I received a phone call from my younger daughter telling me not to be sad.  However, from my older daughter I received anger because I dared to call her at work.  There was no expression of sympathy at all.  There were however questions:  Where would Remi eat dinner before the second Seder?  Could he eat in the synagogue?  Could she bring food either to my house or the synagogue?  Where was her father's stone?  When am I getting it?  What would it say?

She is a clone of her father's.  Even though he is not her biological father, he taught her well and there is a predisposition to this from her maternal grandmother.  I'm talking about psychopathic tendencies.

That set off triggers inside me.

I didn't sleep well and decided not to attend services.  Slowly I am becoming more relaxed and realizing that I can't have her in my life for long periods of time.  

That's fine with me.

She is a trigger and the less that I see of her the better.

Thank you Almighty for this insight.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE LIFE THAT I HAVE HAD

I am grateful to the Almighty for the life that I have had.

Because of my abuser,  I was able to accomplish so many wonderful things.  I owned two houses, a condo and co-op in Westhampton Beach and Westhampton which I enjoyed every summer. The Almighty gave me strength so I was able to enjoy the town, the beach and the stores without him. My walks were wonderful.

I had a wonderful education and a variety of exciting jobs.  Because of him I have two Master's degrees and the SAS and SDA.  I taught and was the Principal of Lincoln Hall.  I worked at DayTop Village and I taught and was Curriculum Coordinator of CCA a Nassau BOCES school.

I have two amazing daughters, a son-in-law, an amazing grandson and an almost to-be son in law.

I have wonderful friends and have been involved in many new activities like the Sisterhood Board and Ritual committee.

I am reconstructing the house so that it's Arlene's house.

I practice yoga quite well and I recently learned to meditate.  

The Almighty has a lot more in store for me because life is an adventure and I am grateful to Him for my ride.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW PERCEPTION

I am grateful to the Almighty for helping me to decide to take Ellie and Shula to lunch yesterday.

I did not want to be know as a woman who was depressed/anxious and so I told them my story. Ellie said something which was profound.  First he said to forget your childhood. YOU ARE NOT THAT LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE!  Secondly he said to look at your life as a woman by saying BECAUSE OF HIM I WAS ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH ALL THAT I DID IN MY LIFE!

It's a different perception but so meaningful.

I am grateful to the Almighty for sending me to Plainview Meditation.  It was here that yesterday I began Level 2 of my practice where I am making relationships disappear.

Lastly I am grateful for making me like the energizer bunny yesterday.  I was able to take an evening yoga class and stretch out all my muscles.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my wonderful life.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY

I am grateful to the Almighty because He gave me faith and He healed me.

He gave me a wonderful new life.

Yesterday I completed Level 1 of Meditation.  It has changed my life.  I'm practicing yoga again.  I hang out with friends and family.  I read, watch television and do my chores so happily.

I'm taking Shula and Ellie out to lunch today.  They were so good to me while I was in the throngs of PSTD.

My life is a calm one and I am happy to see the sun rise.

There are no more strategies fr survival or safety worried.

The Almighty has been so good to me.

Thank you.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE ALMIGHTY IN MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty because through my entire life He was there for me.

I always hoped that would happen.

I apologize again for doubting you this past year but I was so low and couldn't understand what happened to me.

Thank you Almighty for providing for me.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A HEALTHY NEW DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for each and every healthy new day that I have.

I am grateful for the joy in each day.

Yesterday Dana came out to Plainview to attend the Women's Side at PJC Sisterhood.  What a joy it was to have her here and be able to introduce her to everyone.  We even went to lunch.  I told her that I can well afford to pay for an Uber next time she comes.

I walked to Margie's house yesterday and chatted with her.  I also walked back and forth to PJC and I thank the Almighty for being able to do it.

Today Mike will begin to repair my alarm.  Medication has to be picked up.  I want to practice yoga and meditate too.  Hopefully I will be able to walk.  I see Judith.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new healthy and happy life.

Thank you.