Weekends can be difficult with him. He makes no plans. He has no friends. We know what he has done to my friends.
It so bothers him if I have a good time with my friends even if all he wants to do is sit home because it's raining. It bothers him that I comply with his staying home. It bothers him that I don't complain. He would love to attack me. That would make him feel better.
I know this and I'm non-confrontational. I always have a plan. This weekend, I walked, I read my Great Books, I attended Sabbath services and kiddush, I relaxed in the sun, I went to my yoga class, I saw a renowned author speak, I spoke to friends and made more plans. I enjoyed myself.
But, I was aware that I could be attacked. I have vowed that this awareness will never leave me. No matter what he said, I didn't react. I don't tell him who I go with or how much I enjoyed it.
He is driving way upstate to an unveiling next week. But, all I hear about are his eyes. This is to upset and worry me. He still thinks that I have anxiety about him. He doesn't realize that it was grief and that now I'm at acceptance. So I then start to talk about the pain in my teeth. He stops complaining because he realizes that I've got his number.
It's a difficult way to live, but, I am grateful that I have strategies given to me by the Almighty to help me cope.
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