GRATEFUL THOUGHTS

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

Two years ago, on July 31, 2012 he did the most horrible thing to me.  He still denies doing it. However, it has changed our relationship forever.

I am so grateful to the Almighty and so proud that He is with me throughout life.  I am not the same person that I was.

The Almighty wanted me to change the importance of two dates.  June 27th will forever be the day that work ended.   July 31st will be the day that I received my first pension deposit.

I am so grateful to the Almighty for my life.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW LIFE!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

It is 5:30 in the morning!!!!   I am on the computer because my pension came.

It's here.........I could cry because I'm so grateful!!!!

Today I will go to the pool and to a lecture entitled Women Artis That You Should Know in the Plainview Library.

I will walk.  

I will have DD coffee with the morning newspapers.

Matzah has a grooming.

I am so grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

GRATEFUL FOR A FUN DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because this is going to be a day filled with fun.

I will walk this morning.  I will  have DD coffee and read the papers.  I will start my new book. I might even get to go to the pool.

However, the afternoon is amazing!!!!  I have an Apple lesson on PAGES.  This is followed by a yoga class and Bingo with the Sisterhood.

It's a day filled with fun.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this day.

Later-   The amazing thing about this day was that I ran 36 minutes extra with Matzah. It was wonderful. He and I were both surprised!!!!   I had a wonderful time at both yoga and Sisterhood Bingo.  We really laughed a lot and I won a very cool wine glass!!!

His needling doesn't stop.  It just ebbs and flows.  I found a way to LET IT GO......I don't answer what I choose not to answer.  

GRATEFUL FOR HEARING, LEARNING AND USING

 I am grateful to the Almighty because I heard and I learned and I use everything that He has taught me.  

As I told you yesterday, he tried EVERYTHING to get an incident going.  We were going to the condo.............we weren't going.   I will go to the circus.............. I won't!!  I will go see A Midsummer Night's Dream..................I don't like Shakespearian plays!!!!!!   When will we go to the condo again????  I'll sell it!!!!!

How did I handle all this???  I handled it will quiet and calmness.  I learned.  I told him that it was all his decision.  He didn't like that because it represented leadership and who could he blame???  I told him in my quiet and calm voice that this wasn't July 31, 2012 and I wouldn't raise my voice as I do with others.   Whatever he wants is fine with me.

He followed me to the pool and saw me hang out with friends and talk about Bingo among other things. I'm sure that didn't sit well with him.

I proceded to do everything that I planned for the day.  I finished my book, ordered another one and went to my Restorative Yoga class where I was able to hang out with friends and found that my friend Doreen was substituting  for Dawn.

It was the end of a wonderful day.

GRATEFUL FOR CALMNESS AND QUIET

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has taught me about calmness and being quiet.

Yesterday was interesting.  I had to tell him that I had two new friends and that they asked for Home as well as Cell phone numbers.   I told him that they might call on the home phone. Usually, for privacy I prefer the cell, but I didn't want to explain my story to new friends.   I didn't expect him to apologize and he didn't.  If he could have, he wouldn't be the person that he is.  He wasn't happy that I said this.

He does not want to go to the circus or to hear Shakespeare in the Park this weekend in the Hamptons.  That is probably to upset me.  However, I don't care because there are many things to do here.  I guess it was payback, but it fell flat.

Today, I am going to walk.  My aim is to finish my book and start the next one. The pool is on the agenda too.  I have a Restorative Class tonight.

I am enjoying my retirement, thanks to the Almighty.

I am grateful to you Almighty for my calm and quiet attitude when things happen.

GRATEFUL FOR THE NEW ME

I am grateful to the Almighty for creating the new me.

I am enjoying everything about my new life.  I am living in the present and letting go of that which doesn't serve me.

The mini-vacation at the condo was wonderful.  Conversation was carefully orchestrated to remain in the present.  I did not even tell them where I was because it wasn't necessary.  I brought a book to read.  I let him choose the activity.  I relaxed.

Today, I'm walking for my usual two hours and then going to yoga.  I cancelled a lunch date with a new friend because we were going, then we weren't and then I made a better decision for myself.

I was thrilled to see my pension statement yesterday and am looking forward to July 31st to see it in direct deposit.  I have not forgotten that date, but I am focusing on the good and careful to let go.

I will read my book.

Matzah needs to go to the vet for his second checkup this afternoon.

He wants me to meet a couple that he has become friendly with because of the dog. That's what I need and I'm being sarcastic.........another couple that he can upset!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

GRATEFUL FOR MY MINI-VACATION

I am grateful to the Almighty for my mini-vacation to the condo.

I really enjoyed it.

When I returned home, I discovered what my pension will be officially and that it will arrive on July 31st.  I am grateful!!!!!

Thank you, Almighty for making this possible!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for allowing me to experience my new retired life.

It is amazing!!!!!  I do so many enjoyable things. Last night for example, after my yoga class, I attended an Ayurveda workshop where I tasted dandelion coffee!!!!!

Today I will walk.  I will read my book and the newspapers with DD coffee.

I'm attending a lecture called, Decorating the White House.  I'm excited.

My Social Security was adjusted and that with my pension are looking good.

We are leaving for the condo tonight until Sunday.  I'm actually excited!!!  I know exactly how to act and what to say.  We don't have to look for condos because on my pension, we can't afford the maintenance.  We have planned to go to Greenport, the wineries and a new place called, Lavender on the Vine.

Thank you Almighty for my new life.

I am grateful!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

This morning I will walk for two hours.

I will read another new book as well as the newspapers with DD coffee.

I will go to the pool.

Tomorrow we leave for the condo and I have packing to do.

I have a yoga class tonight and a yoga workshop.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

GRATEFUL FOR MY JOYS

I am grateful to the Almighty for all the joy that He has given me.

Yesterday, I called NYS and discovered the exact amount of my pension.  I am so grateful because I can now make informed decisions as to what I can spend and not live in limbo.  For example, I CANNOT afford to purchase a new condo.  He has the money to buy one, but the upkeep is mine  and I could deplete the entire pension doing that.

I went to purchase towels for the condo and also a veggie slicer.

I went to the Apple Store yesterday for my lesson.  It was a huge success. I discovered that my I-POD was still sold and so I could download music.  The "teacher" fixed the bar on the computer making it easier to scroll down.  We did so many other things and I was grateful.

I had time to continue reading my awesome book after I made a delicious dinner last night.

Today I will walk for my two hours. I have new music to listen to.

I will read the newspapers with DD coffee.

I will drop by the synagogue to pay my Sisterhood dues and to the bank to cash a check.

The plan is to go to the pool.

I have Restorative Yoga tonight.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my joys.

GRATEFUL FOR THE MOMENT

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have the ability to live in the moment and I am going to begin to be serious about doing this.

Retirement can be difficult because one has too much time to think and that can be dangerous as one remembers all the things that will cause sadness, anger and depression.  The idea is to live in the moment to celebrate one's accomplishments.

This can be difficult for me.

However it can and will be done mindfully.

I'm going to walk.

I have a yoga lesson.

I have errands to run.

Then I have an Apple lesson.

In between I will read the newspapers with DD coffee.

I need to call MetLife and the state to see what's up with my pension.

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have the ability to live in the moment and I'm going to do it.

BETTER DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I had a better day.

I am grateful to the Almighty because he sent me yoga and it is  from yoga that I learned to let go of that which doesn't serve me.  I learned to forgive, but not forget.

Last night, I decided that less conversation was necessary with him.  Quiet was the way to go.  It was not necessary to make plans with him.  

I did just that.

I got up very early to walk about one hour and ten minutes.   I walked The Heart and Sole Race. I decided not to complete it because I also wanted to take a yoga class.

When all was said and done, I had walked two hours and twenty-eight minutes.

My yoga class was wonderful.

I even was able to go to Fresh Produce.

When I returned home, he wasn't there.  This allowed me quietly to read the newspapers with DD coffee.

I will be able to read my book, The Leftovers.  It is fascinating.  It is not attached to any book club.

Although it is Sunday, I will make dinner.  There is no reason to go out with him.

There is a power to silence.

I have learned well.

I am grateful to the Almighty because this was a better day.

GRATEFUL FOR THE ALMIGHTY'S HELP

I am grateful to the Almighty because he is always there looking out for me.

Last night could have been tragic. 

He was looking to see if he could access my pension of NYSTRS and when he found that he couldn't he started to bait me.  Truthfully, at this point, I'm vulnerable as I would like that pension to come so that I can move forward.   I answered him and told him why that pension was important to me.  I mentioned the terms PARASITE and FRIVOLOUS.  He vaguely remembered using them and then denied everything that I said. This makes him a sociopath and a lier.

He told me that I had a million dollars with which to pay my bills.   He told me that he bought me a house and a truck.  And on and on.............

I was able, because of the Almighty's help, to pull back and say very little.

This could have become a major war but it didn't.

Thank you, Almighty for your help.

GRATEFUL FOR THE SABBATH

I am grateful to the Almighty because today is the Sabbath.

I went to services today and as usual I really enjoyed them.  I also got to catch up with all of my friends.

I will walk later.

It is cloudy and not a pool or beach day which is a good thing.  This will allow me to read my new book.  It is called The Leftovers and it is not for any book club.  A television show was based on it and I missed it because we went to the condo.   One of my friends says that the book is better.  I will be able t read today.

I also rented a film for tonight.

I am grateful to the Almighty for the Sabbath.

GRATEFUL FOR LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

Last night I went to services because it was the 30th anniversary of my mother's death.  I remember that week so well.  It was a very difficult summer.  I was only 36 years old.  I remember scheduling crying in the basement after the girls had gone to sleep.  One night he came down to ask me why I was crying.  I realized at that moment that life had to move forward or I would die emotionally.  I went back into the work force and here I am, 30 years later, a retired lady!!!

He came with me to services which was in itself very amazing and saw my friends.  He didn't ask names and I didn't offer.  The fact that he came was amazing as he has never done that.  I'm different now.  I read nothing into it.

Today, I will walk for my usual 2 hours.

I'm meeting a friend at yoga.  It's a friend that I bought a Bat Mitzvah gift of a yoga certificate. We will take Restorative Yoga and then I will take a Level 1 class with Leslie.

I'm loving my new book and plan to take it to the pool with me.  He wants to go also.  I suggested 2 cars so we can come and go at will.  I'm learning.

I'm so happy with my new life.

Thank you, Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for the new life that He has given me.

This morning I will walk for my usual two hours.   Unlike yesterday when it rained on me, it looks like a beautiful day today.

I will pick up DD coffee and read the newspapers.

I will take my new yoga class today.   It is a class for people with MS, but the instructor also works with people with other issues and I have a bad right leg.

I will be getting my hair colored/glazed/blown out today.  This will give me time to read my book.

I will go to services tonight.   It is the 30th anniversary of my mothers death.

Thank you Almighty for my new life.

I am grateful to you!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE NEW ME

I am grateful to the Almighty for my history for out of all the pain and suffering came a new me!!!

Today, I will walk at home for my usual two hours.  Then I will purchase DD coffee and read the newspapers.  I started a new book and it is really good!!!

Today is lunch at my Yoga Book Club.

Tonight I have a Sisterhood Book Club.

It's a wonderful day.

I am appreciating each moment as I am calm, cool and collected as well as quiet. All of his remarks which are meant to take me down the wrong road just float away.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!

PROUD OF MYSELF

I am grateful to the Almighty because He made it possible for me to have a wonderful vacation.

I am proud of myself.

I was able to enjoy everything.  I was able to let go anything that was not appropriate.

I was able to walk every day.

I explored the area.

I read my book and the daily newspaper. I even finished my book for the Yoga Book Club that is tomorrow.

I walked to the beach daily.

We went to the pool.

We ate out in wonderful restaurants.

We went to the Parrish Museum and saw a fabulous exhibit.  We ate lunch at Duckwalk.

We looked for condos.

I knew exactly how to conduct myself.  I'm proud of me.

Thank you, Almighty for making this possible.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

Today is Shabbos.   I will be going to services.

I have gotten closer with my synagogue friends because I am now retired.  The feeling is wonderful.

I will walk too.

We will be going out to Westhampton tonight until Tuesday night.  I am looking forward to this.  I know exactly what to do and I am so grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you Almighty for my new life.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

I hope that it stays as happy as this.  I think that it is possible that I am anxious (a little bit) because it won't.

Last night was really nice.  I have no make believe dreams about him, however, the beach and dinner at Otto's was really nice.

He is not upset about my many activities and that in itself is concerning me because it is a total change. When will the bubble burst?  I am still careful not to discuss friends or anything of significance.

Today, I'm walking.

Afterwards, I'm taking not one but two yoga classes!!!

Tomorrow night we leave for Westhampton.  I'm going to Fresh Produce to get fruit and oatmeal.  I need gas for the truck.  He got a bath yesterday at a new car wash.  I will go to DD and then read the newspapers.

I need to pack for Westhampton.  We will leave Saturday night and be back on Tuesday.

The day will end (before Shabbos) with a manicure/pedicure.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.  

I am nervous and anxious that it will disappear.

I hope it doesn't.

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL BECAUSE I AM HAPPY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am happy.

So much of my life has been spent feeling scared, feeling nervous, feeling anxious and feeling sad. So much of my life has been spent trying to make other people happy and creating strategies to keep myself safe.

I had an amazing day yesterday.  I met friends at the pool and we chatted.  He came later and I introduced him in a casual way so he didn't get too much information.  I EVEN WENT INTO THE POOL!!!!

Yoga was wonderful too.  Leslie was happy to see me.

Today I will continue to have fun.  I'm walking for my usual 2 hours but at an earlier time because I will be taking a new yoga class.  The one that I usually take was cancelled.

I'm going to a discussion called, Syosset in the Guilded Age.  It's a discussion about estates that flourished in Syosset.

Then I'm attending my Memory Workshop.

He suggested the beach and I readily agreed.  It looks cloudy now but we will see.  He suggested dinner out.

I am happy with my life and I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for the wonderful day that I had yesterday and the wonderful day that I will have today.

Retirement is like being a young child again with no responsibility other than to yourself.  It's like going to camp.  You decide what you want to do and you do it!!!!

Last night, I met my friend at the book club and we had a wonderful time.

Today, I will walk, read the papers with DD coffee and read my book.  

I am going to the pool today.

I will attend my yoga class.

Thank you, Almighty for another wonderful day!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me this beautiful day.

My plan is to walk for my 2 hours.

Then I will read the papers with DD coffee by my side.  I have errands to run also.

Today, I'm taking a computer lesson and taking myself out to eat because (and I know it's amazing) he has something else to do.

I'm meeting a friend at tonight's book discussion.

I am grateful for the peace, beauty and quiet of this day!!!!

Thank you, Almighty for giving it to me.

GRATEFUL FOR INTERNALIZING EVERYTHING THAT I WAS TAUGHT

I am grateful to the Almighty because I internalized everything that I was taught when I made the first summer trip out to Westhampton.

I was calm, cool and collected.  I said almost nothing of significance.  I thought what had to be thought without revealing anything.  I did not announce what I would do.  I did not give opinions.  I did not plan anything out loud.

It looked like he planned it all.  I did exactly what I wanted to do.  I was very proud of myself.  I said my mantras daily.  I prayed on the Sabbath at home.  When asked the same question, I repeated unemotionally, the same answer until he was tired of asking the question (Chris- packets-retirement). I did not let myself get baited (Izzy-Ellie).  I repeated the same answer in the same voice until he couldn't ask anymore.

I was able to walk each day for over 2 hours.   I visited the beach, the Westhampton Boat Club, the Tuthill Monument and even walked to South Phillips Road.  I went to the beach with Matzah and him.  Matzah swam.  I went to a winery, ate in nice restaurants, read the paper and my books and watched fireworks.   All this without a banter because I never reacted or replied.

This morning, I'm walking.  I'm having lunch/book discussion with friends later today.

Matzah has a vet appointment.

I will read, pay bills and breathe.

Thank you Almighty for helping me and being patient with me so that I could really internalize what I was taught.

I am grateful beyond belief.

Later-  I had an absolutely wonderful day.  I even was not afraid to put him in his place. His behaviors will never change and so in my perfected quiet voice, I told him that I was tired of his behaviors.  I knew they would never stop.  He didn't take responsibility for anything which was why it needed to be said because I HAD HAD ENOUGH.  And then I moved on!!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR ALL THAT I HAVE LEARNED

I am grateful to the Almighty for everything that I have learned.

I will be going to the condo this evening (Tuesday, July 1) and will not return until Sunday (July 6).  

I will not have access to a computer until then.   

I intend to practice everything that I learned.


Thank you Almighty for teaching me everything.   I will make you proud of me.