GRATEFUL FOR COMPLIMENTS

I am grateful to the Almighty because He sent me to yoga and it was there I learned that complimenting yourself helps you to feel good about yourself.

Here goes.

I am proud of myself because yesterday I walked, practiced yoga and meditated.

I hired Freddy and he gutted the bedroom that the creature used and it was extremely cathartic to see the room disassemble.

I just got a text from my landscaper to discuss the Zen Garden on Saturday.

I am so grateful to you Almighty for all the good in my life.

Thank you!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR WALKING UP SLOWLY

I am grateful to the almighty because I can arise slowly and enjoy the morning.

Strategies are gone!!!!!  Being safe is gone!!!!!   I can just be me!!!!!

Yesterday was a wonderful day filled with practicing yoga, meditation, walking, Weight Watchers and getting my nails done.   I went out for dinner and loved it!!!!!!

Today I will practice yoga, meditate and do some chores.

Freddy is coming to begin the room!!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life, my mornings and my happiness.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR SELF-COMPASSION

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have learned about self-compassion.  

If I do not love myself who will love me?

If I do not put myself first who will do that for me?

Thank you Almighty for teaching me this.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A WONDERFUL PASSOVER HOLIDAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for a wonderful Passover holiday.

I had such joy in my heart as I set up the holiday, quietly and with confidence.  I loved the Seders especially the memories of Dana, Remi and Seth.

I loved having dinner quietly in the kitchen.   I got my hair done and it looks amazing.  I walked, talked to friends, practiced yoga and finished a book and am reading another. I went to services and prayed. There was no knot in my stomach. Everything was done so peacefully.

I did uncover Hilary's true self.  It's the mental illness that my mother had and that he mentored.  But, it's not me.  I am grateful.

This is the first time in my life that I have had such a joyous holiday.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR MY SURVIVAL

I am grateful to the Almighty because I survived all the abusive people that hurt me and the abusive things that were done to me.

Yesterday I had an interesting day.  My hair was colored many different colors and it looks wonderful.

I had an appointment with Kyra where it was confirmed that yes, my mother did abuse me as she had traits of psychopathology.  I married a man with those traits and in looking for the love that I didn't receive as a child I stayed with him.

Kyra confirmed that these traits are inherited and my older daughter, the psychologist no less, has them and abuses me.  Kyra said that this will distance my relationship with her even further.

I am grateful to the Almighty because I was able to survive all of this and give back to the Universe.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE LIGHT INSIDE ME THAT GIVES ME ENERGY AND STRENGTH

I am grateful to the Almighty for the light that shines inside me and the joy that I have in my new life.

I am grateful for my energy and strength.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR SELF-COMPASSION

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am learning how to feel compassion for myself.

I care about myself. 

I am grateful to you Almighty.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING BALANCED

I am grateful to the Almighty because for the first time in my entire life I feel balanced.

I get chores done every day and I play.

For example yesterday I washed the floor, paid bills and mailed them at the post office.  I booked a cab for Mother's Day to Remi's house and I called my landscaper.  I played too.  I practiced yoga and went to meditate.  I read my book.  I felt balanced.

Thank you Almighty for my new life.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE PEACE AND QUIET IN MY NEW LIFE

I am so grateful to the Almighty for the peace and quiet in my new life.  It feels so serene and wonderful. 

Thank you Almighty for allowing me to be healthy and breathe.

The seders were wonderful.  The family got along with each other.  I was able to breathe, to pray and to be.

Yesterday I could read, relax and smile.  There was no one to stare at me, glare at me and make me feel uncomfortable and scared.

Thank you Almighty for my new life.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR ALL MY POSITIVE NEW FEELINGS

I am grateful to the Almighty for the wonderful new feelings that I have.

I have joy.  I have energy.  I will have a good day.

Both seders at Plainview Jewish Center were wonderful.  My family looked happy together, worked and played well together, and helped each other.  I was so comfortable with them. They too enjoyed the seder which I was so happy about.

Remi is delicious.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my wonderful new feelings.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL THAT I AM FREE

I am so grateful to the Almighty because I am free.

Last night I attended the first Seder at Plainview Jewish Center.  There was such a difference in me because the Almighty has made me free.

I am no longer a slave of my abusers.

I am so grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my wonderful new life.

There is NO KEEPING SAFE.  There are NO STRATEGIES FOR SURVIVAL.  

There are many chores and fun things to do with friends.

I am learning how to be proud of myself.

Today is the first SEDER at PJC.  I am excited to be there.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR BECOMING BALANCED

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am beginning to become a balanced person.

There are chores and there is fun.  I no longer have to be afraid to change up my schedule and have fun.

I clean the house.  I shop.  I cook.  I prepare for Passover.  The dog went to the groomer.  The alarm guy came.  I had the oil changed by Gabor.

I also walked, meditated, practiced yoga, attended a book discussion, had dinner with a friend and got my nails done.

I am learning what it is to work and play.

I am grateful to the Almighty for all this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW BEGINNING

I am grateful to the Almighty for a new beginning in my life.

I am grateful for all that the Almighty has done for me.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR FILLING UP THE CRACKS WITH GOLD

I am grateful to the Almighty because I practiced yoga in Leslie's class yesterday.

Her theme resonated so with me.  She spoke about the Japanese who filled up cracks in broken tea cups with gold.  She said that this is what we do in our lives as we all have times in our life when we feel broken and we try to fix ourselves.

That is exactly what I'm doing and I'm glad that she put it into words.

Yesterday I did just that and in the end had a wonderful day.  Taxes were paid.  More holiday preparations were done.  Meditation and yoga were practiced.  Book and newspapers were read.  Matzah was groomed.  Winter clothes were brought into the cleaners.

Thank you so much Almighty as I enjoyed everything that I did.

I'm fixing me with your help.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING FREE

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has allowed me to become free and is teaching me how to be free.

Yesterday was amazing.  It was filled with Meditation, walking and a wonderful yoga workshop that I took with my friend Marilyn.

I spoke to Michael my CPA and I will owe a large sum of money to the government.  This would not happen to my abuser because he was a sociopath.  Initially I was upset but it's just another way to spend money.

I will be meditating this morning and then practicing yoga.  Holiday preparations allow me to go out to eat daily.

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am free.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR MOVING FORWARD

I am grateful to the Almighty because He is helping me to move forward.

Friday's closing was a terrible trigger. I created many false dreams and illusions about the new co-op.  It was coupled with the fact that I realized who Hilary really was..... inherited psychopathology from my mother with him as an environmental father and me as the abused.  She would like this to continue.

I did not go to services yesterday.  I spent the day thinking, straightening up, preparing for Passover and talking to my friends.

I realized that I have closed the door on the last of my false illusions.

It's time to move forward.

Today I'm going to Meditation and a wonderful yoga retreat in my studio.

The kitchen is being prepared for Pesach some I'm off to dinner too.

I am grateful to the Almighty for walking by my side.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING TO DEAL WITH TRIGGERS

I am grateful to te Almighty because He has helped me to learn how to deal with triggers.

Yesterday was the closing for the co-op.  I sold it to a friend of mine.......Robert Lombardi and his wife Madeline but it was still hard because there was a false dream and false pictures that were created about it.  I felt very sad about this.

I received a phone call from my younger daughter telling me not to be sad.  However, from my older daughter I received anger because I dared to call her at work.  There was no expression of sympathy at all.  There were however questions:  Where would Remi eat dinner before the second Seder?  Could he eat in the synagogue?  Could she bring food either to my house or the synagogue?  Where was her father's stone?  When am I getting it?  What would it say?

She is a clone of her father's.  Even though he is not her biological father, he taught her well and there is a predisposition to this from her maternal grandmother.  I'm talking about psychopathic tendencies.

That set off triggers inside me.

I didn't sleep well and decided not to attend services.  Slowly I am becoming more relaxed and realizing that I can't have her in my life for long periods of time.  

That's fine with me.

She is a trigger and the less that I see of her the better.

Thank you Almighty for this insight.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE LIFE THAT I HAVE HAD

I am grateful to the Almighty for the life that I have had.

Because of my abuser,  I was able to accomplish so many wonderful things.  I owned two houses, a condo and co-op in Westhampton Beach and Westhampton which I enjoyed every summer. The Almighty gave me strength so I was able to enjoy the town, the beach and the stores without him. My walks were wonderful.

I had a wonderful education and a variety of exciting jobs.  Because of him I have two Master's degrees and the SAS and SDA.  I taught and was the Principal of Lincoln Hall.  I worked at DayTop Village and I taught and was Curriculum Coordinator of CCA a Nassau BOCES school.

I have two amazing daughters, a son-in-law, an amazing grandson and an almost to-be son in law.

I have wonderful friends and have been involved in many new activities like the Sisterhood Board and Ritual committee.

I am reconstructing the house so that it's Arlene's house.

I practice yoga quite well and I recently learned to meditate.  

The Almighty has a lot more in store for me because life is an adventure and I am grateful to Him for my ride.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW PERCEPTION

I am grateful to the Almighty for helping me to decide to take Ellie and Shula to lunch yesterday.

I did not want to be know as a woman who was depressed/anxious and so I told them my story. Ellie said something which was profound.  First he said to forget your childhood. YOU ARE NOT THAT LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE!  Secondly he said to look at your life as a woman by saying BECAUSE OF HIM I WAS ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH ALL THAT I DID IN MY LIFE!

It's a different perception but so meaningful.

I am grateful to the Almighty for sending me to Plainview Meditation.  It was here that yesterday I began Level 2 of my practice where I am making relationships disappear.

Lastly I am grateful for making me like the energizer bunny yesterday.  I was able to take an evening yoga class and stretch out all my muscles.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my wonderful life.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY

I am grateful to the Almighty because He gave me faith and He healed me.

He gave me a wonderful new life.

Yesterday I completed Level 1 of Meditation.  It has changed my life.  I'm practicing yoga again.  I hang out with friends and family.  I read, watch television and do my chores so happily.

I'm taking Shula and Ellie out to lunch today.  They were so good to me while I was in the throngs of PSTD.

My life is a calm one and I am happy to see the sun rise.

There are no more strategies fr survival or safety worried.

The Almighty has been so good to me.

Thank you.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE ALMIGHTY IN MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty because through my entire life He was there for me.

I always hoped that would happen.

I apologize again for doubting you this past year but I was so low and couldn't understand what happened to me.

Thank you Almighty for providing for me.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A HEALTHY NEW DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for each and every healthy new day that I have.

I am grateful for the joy in each day.

Yesterday Dana came out to Plainview to attend the Women's Side at PJC Sisterhood.  What a joy it was to have her here and be able to introduce her to everyone.  We even went to lunch.  I told her that I can well afford to pay for an Uber next time she comes.

I walked to Margie's house yesterday and chatted with her.  I also walked back and forth to PJC and I thank the Almighty for being able to do it.

Today Mike will begin to repair my alarm.  Medication has to be picked up.  I want to practice yoga and meditate too.  Hopefully I will be able to walk.  I see Judith.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new healthy and happy life.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE JOY IN MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for all the joy in my new life.

Meditation, Zen gardens, practicing yoga, buying MZ Wallace pocketbooks through Susan, new friends, new restaurants, walking without fear, sleeping later, my new yoga-meditation room, synagogue services, meetings and friends, daily meditations........I am grateful to the Almighty for everything.

Dana is coming to Plainview today for our Mock-Rock Woman's Seder from Sisterhood.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATFUL FOR PERSPECTIVE

I am grateful to the Almighty because I practiced both yoga and meditation and I learned about perspective.

I saw the world from my abusers point of view and realized what sorry, useless and wastes they were.

I realized that I had succeeded and accomplished all of my dreams thanks to the Almighty.

Now it's time to play.

I am grateful to you Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR BEGINNING TO FIND MY TRUE SELF

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have begun the process of finding my true self.

Who am I?  What do I want?  What do I need?

I was NEVER able to do this because I had to concentrate on keeping my self safe.  I had to concentrate on my survival skills.  I was always being quietly, hurt, abused and insulted FOR MY OWN GOOD.

Now my abusers are gone and I can begin to explore who I am and what my needs are.

I invited Izzy's parents to lunch next week.   I was thinking about making lunch like Shula does but that isn't me and I'm beginning to recognize who I am and that it is wonderful just to be me.

I chose to facilitate the next book discussion and not to host it.  I enjoy being a leader and I'm a good one.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR A SUPPORT GROUP

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have a support group of people that I can call upon if needed.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE IN THE MOMENT

My intention today is to feel gratitude for what I have in the moment.

The warrior pose has three parts....PAST......PRESENT....and FUTURE.   It is easy to constantly live in the past and worry about the future without thinking about the present.

However I am going to make an effort to live in the moment.  It is an era of post-trauma.  I can't control everything that will happen to me.  I can only control some things.  However, I must make an effort to live in this moment or suddenly it will become the past.

The Almighty has been showing me what a goo life I now have.  I will stay in the moment and be grateful for what I have.

He has given me so much.....health......daughters.....career.......grandson......money.  I must learn to appreciate it all and understand his signs to me.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR MY STRENGTH AND RESILENCE

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has made me a strong and resilient woman.

I broke up with bf yesterday.

I didn't like the way he menacingly spoke to me on the phone last week.  It was extremely intimidating.  The voce mail was disgusting.  I really don't know much about the adult man, just the boy in junior high school and I grappled with how to do this.  I told him I was ill and this week let him know that my therapist said that I should work on myself.  And poof!!!!  It was over........I was very happy.  I was sorry the internet wasn't around when I met the psycho.  My life would have been different.

Today I'm practicing yoga and having lunch with my friends.  Therapy follows and then meditation.  Maybe I'll be able to walk too.

Thank you Almighty for my strength and resilience.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL THAT I AM HEALTHY IN MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has given me a wonderful new life.

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am healthy in mind, body and spirit.

I awoke at 6:30 this morning, not out of fear or strategies BUT because I will be meditating at 9AM and then practicing yoga.

Chores will follow.

I am grateful to the Almighty for all that He has done for me.

Thank you.