GRATEFUL THAT I'M LETTING GO OF THAT WHICH DOESN'T SERVE ME

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am letting go of that which doesn't serve me so that I can heal.

I am still in a state of shock that he didn't want to go on Thanksgiving to have dinner with them.  Could it be that the younger one was going "on vacation?"  Could it be that it was to be a 90 minute dinner?  Could it be that he finally saw what I have been seeing?

The younger one who is now transgender NEVER went on vacation but was invited by the older one to a dinner last night!!!!

He has decided to buy another condo!!!  Let's see if this happens.............

I watched PETER, PAUL and MARY sing last night on Channel 21 for their 50th anniversary. I wondered where the girl that I was went.  This was a very strong, assertive person.  

I have decided to move forward with my own life so that I can heal.  It's time to be polite and to move forward.

Today I walked and went to yoga.

We are going to see a film tonight and then to dinner.

I'm moving forward and closing doors behind me.

Thank you, Almighty for helping me to let go.

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR BEING CONTENT AND HAPPY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am content and happy with my life.

The weather has gotten colder and that means that although I have my activities, I have to spend more time indoors.  This is not good.  I have to spend more time around him and like any normal person memories come up.  At first I wan't acting on them, but then I got tremendous shoulder pain that kept me up all night.  I realized that this wan't good so I spoke to him about my rage.  This made me even angrier because he feels that he is right about all he has done and I revert back to my old ways of talking and explaining.

I realized last night that I was being sucked into a void.  The void of being unhappy and discontent.  The void of wasting precious time on a time line.

I have decided to stop all this chatter and when I find a need to talk because he says or does something that I feel needs talking about, I will leave the house.  I can always read in Starbucks or the library.

That strategy will work and I will again be happy and content with my life.

I had forgotten what yoga taught me and will live in the present. The past can only make me depressed, angry and sad.

I have decided NOT to attend services today.  I didn't do anything on Thanksgiving and I don't feel like making up stories.

I will walk today on a really cold day.  This afternoon we will shut down the condo until next year.  There will be no more discussion about a new condo!!!  I told him how I didn't trust his relationship with people and why go through the work of buying something new?  At least I got that off my chest.

I finished a book which I found to be terrible and have started a new one which is quite good.

I'm back on track and hope to remain enjoying my new life and being happy and content for a long time.

Thank you, Almighty for my new life.

I am grateful!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR BEING ABLE TO SPEAK

I am grateful to the Almighty because I found my voice again and I speak without any fear.

While it is true that I speak in a low voice, I get my point across and that is the main thing. My shoulder was really hurting because I was holding in all of my feelings.  I took the plunge and I feel much better.  

It doesn't matter what the issues are.  It matters that I found my voice.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR THE GIFT OF THANKSGIVING

I am grateful to the Almighty for the gift of Thanksgiving.

The younger one is "going on vacation" and couldn't have Thanksgiving.   He didn't want to see the fiancee or the family and so we are not traveling for Thanksgiving.  We weren't even asked to come up to the apartment.  It snowed yesterday and HE DECIDED NOT TO GO!!!!! I texted her and have not heard back.  I told her that he had a bad cold.  One dishonest person knows another. Let's see what happens!!!!

I am elated!!!  A quiet day of thanks to the Almighty for all the blessings that he has given me.

I will write more later.  This story hasn't ended.  I'm going to walk now.

Later:  One dishonest person does know another one.  She did not believe that he had a cold.  She knows that he hates the fiancee.  That's a taste of her own medicine.

             I am having a wonderful day.  My shoulder pain is gone.  My pressure is good. I walked for two hours.  I read both newspapers.  I'm cooking veggies for dinner. I will finish the book that I really don't like and will watch an HBO show that we taped.

I am grateful to the Almighty for the gift of Thanksgiving!!!!
             

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

I have been a little off these days, looking at other people and envying them.  Yoga has changed that.  I now have an attitude of gratitude for my very own life.

Things could have been a lot worse.  Those girls could have been handicapped and still living with me.  I could not be healthy.  I could have no pension, no activities, no religion..................and on an on.

I am grateful for my very own life.

Last night we again went out to dinner and to Cinema Arts to see Birdman.

Today I'm walking at Home Depot and going to yoga.

Life is good.

Thank you, Almighty for my new life.

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

I'm working hard to get rid of old memories that interfere with my new found happiness.

With the Almighty's help, I will succeed.

Thank you Almighty for my new life.

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR ANOTHER REALIZATION

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new realizations!!!!

It is a transition when you retire.  It is change.  It allows you to think of things that you don't want to think about.  I'm beginning to realize this and I am going to make changes in my life to be able to move forward.

The younger one is NOT coming for Thanksgiving. She is going on vacation.  She has now, after being gay, marrying an Orthodox black man and divorcing him,  decided to become TRANSGENDER.  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!  I am working on moving on.  I will succeed!!!!!

Last night we saw the film, Whiplash.  It was excellent. 

Today I will walk, probably in Home Depot and then take a yoga class. I it clears up as it promises to do I will walk the extra hour outside.

The  Jewish Adult Institute courses meet tonight and we will attend.

With the help of the Almighty, I will come to new realizations and move forward with my life. I will have an ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE so that I can LET GO THAT WHICH DOESN'T SERVE ME AND HEAL!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR REALIZATIONS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I realized that I am responsible for myself and I need to bury the child-like dreams.

Weekends are hard for me because I am around him more.  You can't speak to him about anything and that is hard for me because I enjoy talking.  HE HATES EVERYONE AND DOESN'T MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SAY NASTY THINGS ABOUT ANYONE THAT I LIKE.

It's time to stop talking about anyone.

It's time to accept the life that I was given and enjoy what I have.

It may not be much, but it's all that I have.

Thank you, Almighty for this realization.

I am grateful!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE SABBATH

I am grateful to the Almighty because today is the Sabbath.

It will be filled with services, reading, walking and an Apple lesson.

I am grateful to the Almighty for the Sabbath.

GRATFUL FOR THE DAY!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.  I am grateful for the day.  Tonight is the Sabbath.  I am grateful for that.

I received a phone call yesterday from the Plainview PACE Program asking me to volunteer and I agreed.

Yesterday I walked for not 2 but 3 hours.  It was wonderful.  I got a wonderful color and haircut from Nick and Louie.  I went out to dinner with BOCES friends and had a wonderful time.   I came home to watch Parenthood.  It was a great evening.

Today it's still freezing outside but I will walk.

I'm taking a yoga class too.

I am grateful for my new life and this wonderful day.

Thank you, Almighty!!!

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR HAPPINESS

I am grateful to the Almighty because in retirement, I am experiencing happiness.

I have to realize that happiness is not perfect and I have to enjoy my new life.  I do.

Last night I enjoyed going out to dinner with my Sisterhood friends.  There conversation is a bit different from the intellectual conversation that I had at work, but it's fine.   I enjoyed the book club a great deal.

Today I'm going to walk outside.  It's cold but I can't stand to walk in a store.  I will cut the walk down in length.

It's a busy day.  I have yoga and I am getting my hair colored and cut. I'm having dinner with a fried from work.

Life is good and I am happy.

Thank you Almighty for my new life.

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

It's been a few months since I retired and I had forgotten how enjoyable it is NOT TO WORK, NOT TO HIDE OUT AT WORK!!!!!   Instead I was having a pity-party for the things that I don't have.  That's going to stop right now!!!!!  I am going to enjoy each day of my life and the newness that it brings.  I am not going to get involved with people who are TOXIC for me or who look down at me because I don't have the typical life that they have or are jealous of me because I am retired and have a pension.

I am going to enjoy each and everything that I do.

Last night I went to a Rod Stewart musical presentation at Cinema Arts with him.  It was quite good and we enjoyed it.  He wasn't half bad.  I know what he is and I know how to handle him. That's what matters.

My shoulder still hurts but it too is improving.

It's FREEZING out there.  I will walk at HOME DEPOT and will walk only for one hour like I did when I was working.

I have a yoga class today.

Today is the YOGA BOOK CLUB.

I also have dinner out and a SISTERHOOD BOOK CLUB to attend this evening.

Life is good.  I had forgotten the joy of not working.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

GRATEFUL FOR NEW FRIENDS

I am grateful to the Almighty for the new friends that I have made at yoga.

Yesterday I went out to breakfast with Debbie and Grace.  It was pleasant and a lot of fun.  I told them about my shoulder pain and they gave me advice which was very helpful.  It still hurts but not as much.

Last night was my course at The Adult Institute.   The lecture afterwards about the bombing in Beruit in 1983 was very interesting.

Today I won't be able to walk outside.   I will walk at Home Depot in the afternoon.  It is 20 degrees outside and very windy!!!!!

I have errands to do at the bank and at Harmon's.

I will read my new book, and newspapers and drink DD coffee.

I'm taking a new yoga class called Prana Yama Yoga this morning.

I'm excited!!!!

Tonight we will go to Cinema Arts.  There will be a film of the work of Rod Stewart and a reception.  As it works out, Debbie and Grace will be there.

Thank you Almighty for new friends and acquaintances.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR LETTING GO!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have learned to let go that which doesn't serve me so that I can heal.

This can be difficult  when those people are constantly in my face but I will try.  I have a really bad pain in my shoulder from this.  It's tough to do but with the help of the Almighty, I will succeed.

Today I will walk at Home Depot for an hour because it is raining.

I will take a yoga class.

I'm going out to breakfast with some new friends.

Tonight, I have my course at the Jewish Institute.

It's a full day of fun activities.

I will work on letting go of that which doesn't serve me.

Thank you, Almighty for helping me to do this.

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR BEING QUIET

I am grateful to the Almighty because I finally have learned to be quiet.

Quiet has so many advantages.  I can see the beauty of the day.  I can enjoy my new life.  I can do so many nice things.  Nothing upsets me because I am quiet.  I never answer.

Yesterday for example was the Sabbath.  When I arrived home from services I was told that he was going to Bed and Bath to return sheets.  I never responded and that probably upset him.  Later I decided to show him how little I cared about what he did by sending him again. When he told me that the stores were crowded, I said that yes, all the goyim were there.  He became enraged.  I had already walked out of the room.  It takes so little to start a major explosion and that's what he is looking for.  HE FAILED AS HE ALWAYS WILL!!!  Quiet works wonders and totally frustrates him as I move forward with my own life.

I watched a good film last night on Netflix, The Invisible Wife and read my newest book.

Today I will walk.

I will take my yoga class and go to WEIGHT WATCHERS.

It's his birthday.   I'm letting him plan the day.  That is a no-brainer and it works.

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am quiet around him and that works for me!!!

Thank you, Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR BEING ABLE TO SEE

I am grateful to the Almighty for being able to see.

I now see that I am healthy.  I see that I have activities.  I see that I have friends.  I see that I am healthy.

I have come to appreciate my life.

I see that I must be quiet around adversity and I am.

Today I went to services and I appreciated the spirituality of the services as well as being with my synagogue friends.

I wil walk today.

I will see the world in the moment and realize how amazing it is.

Thank you, Almighty for the ability to see and appreciate life.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR ANOTHR HEALTHY DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty that I arose, I'm healthy and it's another day that I can walk outside.

Yesterday was a wonderful day!!!!  I truly loved my yoga class and I was very happy with the Memory Writing Workshop.   We ate dinner at one of my favorite restaurants and we did see GONE GIRL.   I finished my book too!!!!

Today I will walk.  It's not raining so I will be able to walk outside.  Yoga will follow that.

I will order some clothes from L.L. BEAN too.  I will start yet another book for a book club.  I so enjoy reading and discussing these stories.

Tonight is the Sabbath.

Thank you Almighty for a healthy and happy day.

I am grateful!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE DAYS ADVENTURE

I am grateful to the Almighty because every day of my retirement brings a wonderful new adventure.

I am grateful to the Almighty because I embrace each new adventure with a smile.  I embrace the adventure alone because I have come to realize that anything that I do with him brings anxiety and sadness. 

Today I'm going to walk.  It's very cold outside as the weather has changed.  Because I have time, I am able to notice so many interesting things on my walk.  Yesterday, I stopped to watch the birds fly in formation.  I also saw a team cutting down a tree and making wood shavings.

I have a wonderful yoga class later this morning.  Later this afternoon I will attend my Memory Workshop.

I have allowed him to plan an evening activity.  Let's see where that goes.

Thank you Almighty for my new adventures.

I am grateful!!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

I am healthy.  I am happy.

I am retired!!!!

Today I will walk.  It's really foggy out there!!!!

I will attend the Rabbi's LUNCH and LEARN.

In the evening, I'm going to my yoga class and to a TORAH FUND presentation.

I love doing new things.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life.

Thank you, Almighty!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR TODAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for this beautiful new day.

It's absolutely amazing, BUT, I slept late!!!!  I can feel the effects of the yoga that I did yesterday and it is wonderful.

My class was interesting and the lecture was quite good.

Today I will walk on this beautiful day.   He has something to do so that I will have the house to myself.  Wow!!! (Update:  He never went.)

This afternoon I have a manicure/pedicure appointment.  It's time to get rid of the Halloween pumpkin on my nails.

I have a book discussion tonight.  The book is Lone Survivor.  I could have invited him but for what?????   He behaved himself yesterday at the Jewish Institute.  However, it isn't enough to be invited again.

Thank you, Almighty for this beautiful day.

I am grateful!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW DAY

Each day that I wake up, I am grateful to the Almighty for a beautiful new day.

I am healthy.

I am happy.

I am retired!!!!!

Today I will walk and then go to yoga.   

I might go to breakfast with friends or postpone that until next week.

My doggie is going for a grooming.

I have my course at the Adult Institute.

I will read my wonderful new book, the newspapers and dink DD coffee.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this new day.

Thank you, Almighty for helping me reach this point in my life.

I am grateful!!

GRATEFUL FOR SURVIVAL SKILLS

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has shown me how to survive in the face of adversity.

Weekends with him are difficult to say the least.  What goes on are psychological games to try and break me.  Truthfully, they don't succeed however as in the case yesterday, they make my muscles very tense and I could see that when I went to yoga yesterday.   Saturday was "the silent treatment" which didn't work at all.   Sunday he tried to start many arguments which didn't work at all.  He goes from, "I love you" to "I hate you" trying to break me but it doesn't succeed either.  He never gives up no matter how many times I tell him that he is a failure at this.

We went out east yesterday, later in the day, because I wanted to read and relax.  There was nothing to do there.  It was just to check to see if there was damage to the condo which there wasn't.  He was furious at having to go, having to go earlier, later, anything to start a row.  He failed.  

I concluded that it didn't pay for me to go Thanksgiving weekend and be alone with him in a condo. That was a recipe for failure.  He doesn't know my decision yet but my decision will go the way of vacations, and buying a new condo.

When he arrived home, he tried "scare tactics."   How will I manage when he is gone?  He loves me so much and he is up worrying about this!!!!

I had to make sure that I didn't smile.

I know that this is how he is and am grateful to the Almighty for my ability to rise above all of this and survive.

I am grateful!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has given me this wonderful day.

I am healthy.  I am happy.  I am successfully retired.

Yesterday at services, I heard and saw so many sad stories.  I prayed so hard because I was grateful to the Almighty for my life.

I re-read my blog yesterday and was interested in seeing that he was the same person last year at this exact time as he is this year.  Last year I came home to silence and this year it was the same.

BUT, the difference is that I have grown and changed.  I knew that there would be silence.  I embraced it by walking, reading and watching The Innocents last night.  I LOVED THE DAY and have so moved forward with myself.  I am proud of me.

Today, I will walk and attend my Sunday yoga class.

DD coffee and reading will be next.

We need to take a ride out to the condo to check on it.

We will go out for dinner.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this day.

Thank you so much!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE SABBATH

I am grateful to the Almighty because today is the Sabbath.

I went to services and found them to be very spiritual.  I also enjoyed my friends.

Even though it is cold outside, I intend to walk.

I will read and relax.

I have a Netflix film for tonight.

I am grateful to the Almighty because it is the Sabbath.

Thank you, Almighty!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am so grateful to the Almighty because He has given me a new life that I love.

Last night, I went out to dinner with him and met a new friend from yoga.  She was so happy to see me!!!!!!

Today I will walk outside and then attend my yoga class.

I will also prepare for Shabbos.

I am so grateful to the Almighty that I am happy.

Thank you, Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR SHOWING MYSELF LOVE AND COMPASSION

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has shown me how to show myself LOVE and COMPASSION.

Today I will walk in Home Depot as it is raining.

I will take a yoga class too.

The book that I'm reading,  THE HUSBAND'S SECRET  for the Sisterhood Book Club is like reading a soap opera.  But, it's a fast read.

I will do some errands in Fresh Produce.

I let him plan the rest of the day.  In showing myself Love and Compassion, I will let him plan and then he is responsible for the day.

I am grateful for learning how to show myself LOVE and COMPASSION.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR GOING TO YOGA

I am grateful to the Almighty for encouraging me to attend my Restorative Yoga class last night.

He tried to needle me all day long.  It started because I wasn't ready the exact moment that he wanted to go to Pep Boys to have the car inspected.  Naturally I shut it down by being quiet and that quiet lasted for the rest of the day.  I used my strategies to make that happen.  However, I questioned why life has to be like this and that could lead to sadness.

During yoga, Dawn spoke about giving yourself LOVE and not FEAR.   Suddenly, it made sense.  I needed to be good to myself. I needed to think positive thoughts about myself.  If I don't do it then who will?  I have worked hard all my life to care for others and now it's time for me.

I began today with the intention of being kind to myself.  If he starts, instead of thinking up strategies, I will think about what I could do for myself as well as what I have achieved.    I will live in LOVE, not FEAR.

Today, I'm walking early because I have not one but two yoga classes.  I also have the Rabbi's study group tonight.

There are also chores to do, newspapers and books to read and DD coffee to drink.

I am grateful to the Almighty for sending me to yoga.   It has truly been the driving force in my new life.

Thank you, Almighty!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR LIVING IN LOVE............NOT FEAR!!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am learning to live in love and not fear.

Yesterday I went to my yoga class and I heard Leslie say that we must not live in fear.  We must recognize that we did the best that we possibly could and cannot do anything more.  We have to learn to love ourselves, to enjoy ourselves and to appreciate who we are.  Each time that I think about the triad, I will remember this.

Today is a beautiful day and I will walk outside.  It is also Election Day and I'm going to vote. I have a Restorative Yoga class tonight.  I'm hoping to order my beginner oil kit tonight.

There are errands also.  The truck goes in for inspection.  I hope to vote also.

Thank you Almighty for helping me to live in love and not fear.   I will try not to feel responsible for everything that they are.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR MONDAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because today is Monday.  I am retired.  I do not have to go to work.  Monday is my new favorite day!!!!

Yesterday worked out very well.   I finished my book for the Yoga Book Club and will begin one for the Sisterhood Book Club.  We watched the film, The Others.  It was a Netflix film that I held for a long time.  We went out to dinner at Morrison's and Michael welcomed us back. I was able to watch Olive Kittridge on HBO also.

We also decided to winterize the condo.  The season is over and it's time to close the condo down until next year.  I don't care if we purchase a new condo. I'm living in the moment.

I have decided not to be so hard on myself and try and enjoy life.

The clocks were changed Saturday night so that today on a beautiful and cold day, I can walk earlier.  I am going to take my yoga class and then head off to a book discussion at the library.

I am beginning to pick and choose what I want to do and what I don't want to do.  I did not want to miss yoga to have lunch with the ladies.  This is beginning to remind  me of when I entered college and I had to decide on a social course of action.

Tonight is my class at The Adult Institute too!!!!

I am grateful for all the good in my life.

I am grateful that I decided to retire.

Thank you, Almighty for my new life and for helping me to make these decisions.

I am grateful to you!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for today.

It is extremely windy and cold outside so my plans have changed.

I'm going to walk in Home Depot.

I'm going to take a yoga class.

I will go to Weight Watchers for November.

Simple plans because life should be enjoyed. 

The rest of the day will be made up as I move along.

I am grateful to the Almighty for today!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR TODAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for today.

I will be going to PJC services in my yoga clothes because I signed up for a yoga workshop today.

It is raining and I will walk at Home Depot.

I hope to watch a NETFLIX film tonight.

Thank you, Almighty for today.

I am grateful.