GRATEFUL BECAUSE I FORGIVE MYSELF

I am grateful to the Almighty because I practiced yoga yesterday and the instructor spoke of forgiving yourself.

That is something that I have not been able to put into words but I have so many questions.  Why didn't I fight with my mother when she said those awful things to me?  Why didn't I tell a family member what she said?  Why didn't I leave him?

The questions torture me BUT in the end I forgive myself.  It's true that I was a respectful Jewish child.  It was a crazy home.  I didn't like to fight.  No one was on my side.  I wanted love and I thought that I would receive it from him.  

In the end I achieved much more in life than I ever thought I would.

I forgive myself.  I was a child that had been broken emotionally by two very disturbed people.

I survived.

I hope that the Almighty gives me a long and healthy life.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL THAT I HAVE OVERCOME CHALLENGES

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has made me a strong and capable woman.

I'm a woman who has overcome challenges and moved on successfully with her life because the Almighty walks by my side.

It was hard looking at the graphic of the cemetery stone that I chose for him because it was like seeing a replay of my life.  However life is a time line and I intend to move forward.

Last night I ate dinner out.  I had a marvelous dessert.  I have to stop doing that or nothing will fit.  I came home to watch The Hot Zone.

Today I will practice yoga.  I have to go to the dentist to get my new night guard.  I was able to walk.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL THAT MY LIFE IS FLUID AND FLEXIBLE

I am grateful to the Almighty because He sent me to practice yoga yesterday and it was there that I learned that life is fluid and that there are always changes.  One must be flexible to accept change and move on.

This was a wonderful thing to hear because it summed up my new life.  I am fluid.  I am making important changes in my life and I'm proud of me.

Yesterday I had lunch with two new friends and I will do it again!!!!  Freddy came yesterday but it rained so the outdoor jobs could not be worked on.  Today he will clean the carpets.

Today is a busy day.  I'm practicing yoga.  I'm going to meditation.  I'm going to therapy.  I'm ordering the cemetery stone for my abuser and practicing yoga after that and going out to dinner.  

I'm still getting what I call robo calls from my brother but I haven't responded.  I've put together the puzzles of my life and moved on.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR A PEACEFUL HEART

I am grateful to the Almighty because my heart is peaceful......my life is peaceful.

Yesterday I meditated.  I have made it to Level 3 and I am very proud of myself.  Afterwards I went to Athletica and cashed in some of my gift cards.  I went to the Walt Whitman Mall and to Lord and Taylors to cash in other gift cards.  Then I went to Fairway to do a bit of shopping and bought the most beautiful flowers to fill up the purple vase that Seth and Dana filled with flowers and sent me n Mother's Day.   I read, walked, had dinner and watched Chernobol.  It was a perfect end to a perfect weekend that I planned for me!!!

Today I will practice yoga.  I will meditate too.  I'm having lunch with a girlfriend.  I've got chores to do.

Life is peaceful.  Life is quiet.  

It's beautiful.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE CALM AND QUIET

I am grateful to the Almighty because my life is calm and quiet.

This is Memorial Day Weekend.  I know now that it was a horror going to the condo/co-op.  He found people like himself.  I was alone as he satiated himself at the pool with Tony at the condo and Chris at the co-op.  Until he became ill, I cooked or we went to restaurants west of Westhampton Beach.  I was alone most of the time.  He loved The Hampton Synagogue because you got a free lunch but refused to give a contribution at the end of the summer or go to the end of summer festivities.  I was paying for it but I never got to attend.  He would be upset if I gave a donation.

I am grateful now because my life is calm and quiet.  I breathe.  I notice the world as I walk.  I love Meditation.  Yesterday I practiced in Margaret's class.  Today the studio is closed so I will extend my meditation and my walk.

I am loving the peacefulness of my new life.  I'm also deciding about shopping for food and yoga clothes because I have points from American Express.

No longer do I have to walk early in the morning.  I call read my paper and drink coffee in calm and quiet!!

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING PEACEFUL

I am grateful to the Almighty for the peaceful feelings inside me.

Yesterday I had a wonderful peaceful experience at Plainview Jewish Center at services.  I sat with my friends and enjoyed the service.   I came home to have lunch and finish my book for the Plainview Book discussion.   I googled up the summary of the next two books for the Yoga Book Club and Sisterhood Book Club.

I was able to take a lovely walk.  I actually walked for two hours and five minutes.  The day was like a vacation.........so peaceful.

I cleaned the house too!!!!

I had dinner......tofu and vegetables and started the book for the Yoga Book Club.

Today I'm practicing yoga with Doreen.  I'm getting a manicure/pedicure and changing the color to blue this time.  I hope to get to Weight Watchers and I have an afternoon Meditation Appointment.


I will read too.  I will relax.  I will walk.

What a beautiful day.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING CREATED WITH HERO QUALITIES

I am grateful to the Almighty for many reasons on this Memorial Day weekend.

I am grateful because the Almighty gave me the qualities of a hero.  I am strong and determined.  I love myself and believe in myself.  I am a survivor of abuse.

I am grateful that Freddy was here yesterday to work on my deck.  Then we had a glass of wine together.

I am grateful because I was able to Meditate, practice yoga and walk.

I am grate that I was able to figure out how to attach a new chain to Matzah so I could sit in the front.

Today I will attend services at PJC.  I will walk and enjoy the holiday weekend. No more will I have the work of bringing everything to the condo/co-op just to be abused there.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR UNDERSTANDING THE AUTHENTIC ME

I am grateful to the Almighty because yesterday I practiced yoga in Elyse's class and she spoke about the authentic me.

There were always two of me.  I was outside in the world and was very much respected.  Inside my parents home and inside my own home I was abused by psychopaths.

I have begun the process of putting the two halves together so that I can be whole and be able to treat myself with love and compassion.

I have begun the process of being and enjoying the moment.

I am aware of my breathe.

Today I will meditate, practice yoga, get my hair blown out, walk, and begin my wonderful Memorial Day Weekend with joy!!!!

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL THAT I CAN HANDLE TRIGGERS

I am grateful to the Almighty because He saw to it that I went to therapy and it was there that I learned to handle triggers.

Yesterday I could not go to practice yoga after meditation because Gelber and Sons was coming to do their annual checkup of my air conditioning system.

I was able to walk for two hours.  I met a gentleman on Maplewood who told me what a lovely gentleman my abuser was and how he missed him.  My response was that was the boy I dated and not the man I had the misfortune to marry.

That comment lead me down a road of sadness and regret that life turned out like it did.  However I have learned in therapy to move forward from triggers by looking at the good in my life.  

It's a process.  It's taking time BUT I'm getting there thanks to the Almighty.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR FRIENDS IN MY HOME

I am grateful to the Almighty because my house has now become my home.

I am hosting the next Sisterhood Book Club here.

Yesterday after my traditional Tuesday lunch with Doris, Zita and Rose, they came back to my house to see my new Yoga Room.

It is indescribable the joy that I felt.

Margie came over later too as did Kathleen the artist who will paint a mural on my Yoga Room wall.

My joy was overwhelming.

I also walked.  Freddy worked on the house and I attended a Board Meeting from Sisterhood.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR A BRIGHT NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for the bright new life that He has chosen to give.

I so enjoyed meeting Seth's parents Sunday.  We had a wonderful time in my home which is now becoming a home that I entertain in.  Afterwards we went to Morrison's and had a delightful lunch.  Sari and are are texting each other and have become Facebook friends.

Yesterday I completed Level 2 of Meditation and will begin Level 3 on Wednesday. I practiced yoga too.  I was able to walk while Freddy power washed the deck.  Freddy has also begun to power wash the house.

Yesterday I discovered that I'm going to be a Grandma again!!!!  Dana's pregnant!!!!

Today I will practice yoga. I hope to walk.  My artist fiend Kathleen is coming with sketches to talk about the mural on my Yoga Room Wall.   I have a Sisterhood Board meeting.  I'm having lunch with Doris, Zita and Rose.

Life is so much fun and I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR GOOD HEALTH

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am healthy, happy and enjoying my life.

I treat myself with self-love and compassion.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new life and my new experiences.

I am grateful for my health.

Today I will meet Seth's parents.  They are coming to the house and I have prepared appetizers  and drinks.  I have made a reservation in Morrisons for Brunch/Lunch.

Hilary, Izzy and Remi will meet us at the restaurant.

I am beyond excited to do this.

Thank you Almighty for my new life.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE LIGHT SHINING INSIDE ME

I am grateful to the Almighty for the light that is shining inside me.

The Almighty has kept me safe.  He has been the motive behind all my accomplishments.  He is my driving force.

My Yoga Room is completed.

It looks awesome.

I have taken away my triggers in that room.  It is a room of light now.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING GROUNDED

I am grateful to the Almighty because I practiced yoga yesterday and it was here that the instructor spoke of being grounded in the present.

I am grateful because I now am able to live and enjoy the present moment.  I had my hair colored and blown out because I'm meeting Seth's parents on Sunday.  I enjoyed every moment.  Freddy is here working on my new Yoga Room.

I also went to a wonderful conference on Women's Health held in the Marriot of Melville.  It was a panel discussion with three doctors speaking of weight loss, gynecological issues and physical therapy.  It included dinner.  I went with Linda, Gail an Rhonnie.  I had never been to something like that.  It was awesome.

I am grounded and open to new things.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR SELF-COMPASSION

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have learned to show myself compassion.

I have learned that my needs come first.

I have learned to take care of myself emotionally.

I have learned that the past is filled with false pictures and I need to make them disappear.

I have learned to love myself.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR SELF-LOVE

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have learned to love myself.

Today I have already changed the sheets.  I see Judith today.  Freddy comes to work on the room.  I'm practicing yoga.  I'm meditating too.  I will attend my Yoga Book Club and have lunch with the girls.  Tonight I will have dinner with my Sisterhood friends and facilitate the discussion at the Sisterhood Book Club.

I love my new life.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR FEELING WHOLE AND COMPLETE

I am grateful to the Almighty because I practiced yoga yesterday with Leslie and she spoke of the light inside us and how each of us is whole and complete.

I never understood those concepts nor did I feel that way until my abusers were gone.

It never ceases to amaze me as to how calm, content and joyful I am in life.

I accomplished so much yesterday.   I made reservations at Morrison's for Sundays brunch where I will be meeting Seth's parents.  I bought a salad for lunch.  I put gas in the truck and I purchased wine.

Later in the day, I took Matzah for a checkup.  Today he will go for a grooming. We are meeting Seth's parents on Sunday and I want him to look good.

I was able to watch Chernobyl last night.  I am facilitating a book discussion for Sisterhood and the show helped me to get historical background.

Today I will practice yoga and go food shopping.  Perhaps I will go to PJC and watch the en's Club film.

Whatever I do I feel happy, whole and compete.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR PRACTICING YOGA

I am grateful that the Almighty has made it possible for me to practice yoga.

I took Doreen's class on Sunday.  She talked about Buddha telling us that he believed, "IT'S NOT WHAT YOU HAVE OR WHO YOU ARE THAT MATTERS,  IT'S WHAT YOU THINK."

That so resonated with me.  After going through PTSD, I understand that keeping yourself in a positive frame and mind can keep you emotionally healthy.  You just have to change your perception of the things that happen to you.

Yesterday I went Hilary's for Mother's Day.  I followed Buddah's and I must say that I came home happy with my new life.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new quiet and peaceful life.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR THE SABBATH

I am so grateful to the Almighty for creating Shabbos.

It is a spiritual time for me.  It's a time when I can reflect about all the good in my life now.

My Yoga-Meditation room is so amazing.

I am grateful to the Almighty for sending Freddy to create it with me.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR MY STRENGTH

I am grateful to the Almighty because He made me a strong resilient woman.

I was able to overcome obstacles and become the person that I am today.

I am enjoying my life thanks to the Almighty.

I practiced yoga, walked and read.  Freddy came to work on The Yoga Room.

I even went to the dentist to create the impression for the night guard.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my strength.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for the wonderful new life that I was given.

I am grateful because I am open to every new thing that comes my way.

Today was a wonderful day filled with meditation, yoga and two hours of walking!!!

Tonight will be filled with a wonderful Fashion Show and Vendor Fair at Plainview Jewish center with all my friends.   I will also be attending a Ritual Committee meeting.

I am grateful to the Almighty for all that He has given me.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING TO LOOK INSIDE MYSELF

I am grateful to the Almighty because He sent me to yoga and it was here that I learned so much.

I learned to look inside myself to see who I am.

I like what I see.

The Yoga-Meditation room that I am creating is going to be awesome.

I have so many passions.  Walking, yoga, meditation, religion, friends, reading, current events, Sisterhood, book clubs, television shows......all of this is part of me.

No one can take this from me.  

It is for this that I am grateful to the Almighty.

Thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR THE BREATHE

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am healthy, alive and able to enjoy my life.

Wonderful things are happening to me.....the room that my abuser used is being transformed into a yoga-meditation room.  It's been painted by Freddy in Honey Gold and now he is working on putting down a floor.  The furniture was ordered from Ethan Allen.  I met with Kathleen my artist friend and she will be painting Ganish the Elephant on the wall over the dresser.  He will be a joyous and happy elephant with green-gray eyes like mine. He will be sitting on a lotus.  He stands for getting over obstacles as I have.

I have learned to breathe because I am grateful and it helps me to stay calm.

Thank you Almighty for my health, breathe and happiness.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING BALANCED

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am learning how to be balanced.

I need to accept who I am with patience and without frustration.

I need to accept that I can play without feeling guilty.

I need to be easier on myself.

I am grateful because the Almighty is helping me work towards those goals.

GRATEFUL FOR CHANGING MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has helped me to change my life.

I ordered the furniture for my Yoga-Meditation room yesterday.  No longer will I be triggered by the furniture that was in there.  It is a false picture and I am working on "Please Make It Disappear."  Right now there is nothing in the room and I am grateful.

I am grateful to the Almighty because Freddy is in my life.  The hot water unit is again not working and I know that he can fix it.  Thank you Almighty for sending people into my life who can help.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING CONNECTED

I am grateful to the Almighty because He sent me to yoga and I learned that in order to be healthy one has to stay connected to people, to nature, to the Almighty and to the world.

Each time that PTSD tries to stop me, I rally back.

My abusers will not control me from the grave.

I live in the land of the living and am connected to them.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING TO BE GENEROUS TO MYSELF

I am grateful to the Almighty because He is teaching me the value of being generous to myself.

I have never done that before.

Meditation is teaching me to get rid of false pictures and be one with the universe.

Yoga is teaching me to love myself and show myself compassion.

I am learning to be kind and generous to myself.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING AWARE OF WHAT'S GOOD FOR MY SOUL

I am grateful to the Almighty because He has helped me to become aware of what is good for my soul.

He has balanced my life between work and play and for that I am grateful.

Bills are paid, the house is taken care offend there are new and creative innovations like my new Yoga-Meditation room and my coming Zen Garden.  The house is cleaned and shopping is done.  Then I get to play.  I read.  I practice yoga.  I walk.  I meditate.  I watch the news.

Yesterday I went to a Holocaust Memorial Program at PJC.

I saw Judith.

All of this is good for my soul.  

I hope and pray that the Almighty will grant me a long and healthy life to be able to see my grandson Remi and my new grandchild to be from my little Dana grow up with joy.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR LOOKING INSIDE MYSELF

I am grateful to the Almighty because it was because He sent me to yoga that I have begun to look inside myself.

I'm learning to love me.  I'm learning self-compassion. I'm learning to put my needs first. I'm learning what I love to do and am enjoying every moment of the things that I do.  I'm enjoying being free of all the abuse.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.