I was sad this morning. Last night we went out to dinner. He didn't wear his wedding band and said, " I'm not single, why do I have to wear this?" This hurt because I wear mine. This hurt because we bought it out of love and it represented the continuation of a marriage. As I thought about it, I realized that there is no marriage, that this is my dream! Well, I need to bury it. I resolved not to wear the wedding bands also. It will take a long time to get over this, but I will. After all, I perpetuated this dream for 64 years. It can't be gone in a moment.
Sitting at dinner, we spoke of a vacation in Montauk. "Of course," said he. "We will plan it during your break." Then at dinner, he proclaimed, "Why do we need to go on a vacation? Isn't going to the condo enough?" Now I had explained about the cooking and cleaning in the condo, but he doesn't care. I need to stop discussing and enjoy my life. It's not easy! I like vacations.
But, as I thought about this, I realized that my life can be a vacation and that's how I have to look at it. Sadly, as he sees it, he's paying maintenance for the condo. He would love to sell it and then what would I have? Happily, for me, we have it and I'm going to make the most of it!!!!
Last night,I woke up sadly thinking of the dreams that I had that did not transpire. Why don't I think about the dreams that I created that happened? So I vowed that tonight, if I get up sadly, I will think of 3 dreams of mine that did happen.
I was grateful for these new insights and to the Almighty who has allowed me to come up with new strategies to combat my sadness.
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