GRATITUDE WITH SADNESS AND COURAGE

I knew that I had to do this.  I didn't know how.  I was afraid.  I've never done it before.  I have no support at all.

But, I did it.  I did it with sadness because I wish that it was not like this.  But, I did it with gratitude because I was brave enough and strong enough to do it. 

What did I do?

My older one had given me a certificate to a place that she wanted to go to.   Years ago, after he became ill, I wanted to go to Great Books.  She wouldn't go.  Before that, I wanted her to go to services and sit with me at THE HAMPTON SYNAGOGUE.  I wanted to walk the town with me n a Saturday night in Westhampton.  She wouldn't.  I wanted to sleep over again.  She wouldn't invite me.

I gave up.  I created my own life that I'm pleased with.  I try not to think about the past because it hurts and it can't be changed.

Why would I want to go to a place with her and pay for it?  A place that she wants to go to.  I don't But, I didn't know how to say it because if she wants it and I don't we get him involved and then I'm screwed.  However, I didn't makea big deal with him and it worked.

When she texted me to ask when I could go, I used the matra that said and  repeated many times by text, "I'm re-gifting this.  Go with your boyfriend.  I know that you will enjoy it.  I love you.  We can do something else."  

We won't do something else.  We never have. That's fine.  I have myself.

I am sad.   I am smiling.  I am grateful for my courage.  By the way, I'm still not wearing the wedding bands.

I'm smiling!!!