GRATEFUL FOR INNER HAPPINESS

I am so grateful to the Almighty for my inner happiness.    

I didn't know that after I hit rock bottom on July 31st that I would build myself up with the Almighty's help and actually feel inner bliss.  It is truly amazing.

 I came home yesterday from an awesome yoga private lesson.  Even Leslie noticed the difference.  I used to say, " I can't," and now I really try.  It's like I'm a new person.  I see life very differently.  I'm really very calm.

I tested myself yesterday.  I stayed home after dinner.  I was tired. I wasn't afraid that he would get me because that is so over.  As a matter of fact, he did try yesterday to mention, "why do you have those friends" and he never got a response.

He was upset with the girls yesterday because he hates the older one's boyfriend.  He needs someone to hate.  He spoke about his dream of and for them. 

I said that dreams have to change when you look at circumstances.  People shouldn't get stuck because then they can never move forward in life.  One needs to give up unfulfilled dreams and that will give a person a lot of free time to find new dreams.

I realized that I was talking about the dream of him and the dream of children.  He had no clue as to what I was talking about.  But, I realized that this is why I'm so calm.

We are getting a major storm tomorrow.  I have my trusty plastic shovel and beach chair and I will be fine shoveling.   I'm looking forward to it.    This will be like a Midterm exam, to see if I can be in the house with him for a weekend.   I'm sure that I can.

I've become content, quiet and proud of my new life.  Nothing can change that.

I did tell him we could go out to eat, knowing that I would change my mind. There is a limit to the quality of conversation one can have with him.  We are going to a condo meeting tonight in town.  They are building a new development.   I'm going to listen and then think about what I've heard.  This is quite unlike me.  But, it is the new me.

Should we go to Riverhead or not to pick up the wine?  I told him to surprise me. Again, quite unlike me.

This is why I'm grateful to the Almighty.   I have moved forward.  I am not afraid of the power of silence and it has given me inner happiness.