GRATEFUL FOR THE RELAXED FEELING

I am grateful to the Almighty for the relaxed way that I feel today.

The weekend was wonderful.   I owned it.  I did so many wonderful things.

The best thing of all is that I am becoming relaxed in my own home by myself.  This has never happened to me before in all my life.

As a child, I was constantly trying to please a mother who could not be pleased.  My mind and my body never felt relaxed at home.    Recently when he said that he was always miserable and that I was always happy, and that his job was to make me as miserable as he felt,  did I realize that my mother was trying to do the same to me.  She liked my brother because he was as miserable as she was.  I coped with everything that life put in front of me.  Most times, when I could, I lived outside the house.

This weekend, he tried and failed to do the same thing to me.  I realized so many things.  First, I understood that he is emotionally disturbed and there is no reason for what he does.  I don't look for one.  I never ask him what's wrong because the answer will be "YOU".

I restructured my weekend to my delight because I always make contingency plans. With the Artic blast of air in place, I walked Home Depot instead of outside.  I invited him and the answer was that he had walked already.  I went. When told we wouldn't be watching a Netflex film because he wanted to watch a television show, I read my wonderful book.  I was relaxed because I had come from a yoga workshop.  
         
The following day, I was asked if I was doing chores after walking and yoga to avoid him, I said that that these were my Sunday chores.  I went to the butcher for thin chicken cutlets and when  returned home discovered that there was no plan.  Dinner would be in a local place.  I elected to make my own dinner and it was delicious.  He had to make his own.   I read my book.  Asked if I  now wanted to now watch the film, I didn't because the finale of Boardwalk Empire was on.  He offered to watch with me and I agreed but added that he might not understand it as he doesn't watch the show.  He left the room and went to bed.

I came to work today in such a relaxed frame of mind. I am in charge of my life. I have a housekeeper which allows me to enjoy my life.   I am calm and cool.  I speak less and enjoy more.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this relaxed feeling!!!