INTENTION # 72 HAPPY AND CONTENT WITH MY LIFE

My intention today is to be happy and content with my life.

GRATEFUL FOR SHABBOS PART II

I am grateful to the Almighty for Shabbos.

I went to services today at PJC and had a wonderful time with friends at the service and at the kiddush.

I am grateful that summer was such a success for me.  My quiet little voice was a huge success for me.   I did not get involved in issues that I felt would start a war.

I am grateful to be returning to my "winter schedule."

School begins on Tuesday!!!!

I have to download some things for school.

Rosh Hashona is Wednesday night, Thursday and Friday.  It will only be me and him.  The others really don't observe and it was time to move forward.

Today, I will walk and hopefully take Matzah to a dog park if it doesn't rain.  

It did not rain, but I walked for 2 hours and 5 minutes and it was incredibly hot.  I suggested that we go to the beach and he agreed!!  We went and it was really cool there.

I came home to make dinner and hopefully we will watch a NETFLIX film that has been sitting for weeks.

I am grateful to the Almighty for Shabbos.

GRATEFUL FOR SHABBOS

I am grateful to the Almighty that life is returning to normal.

Tonight, I lit my candles for Shabbos at home.

I made a delicious dinner.  Conversation was good.

Tomorrow, I will go to services at my synagogue.

Life is good.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR THE DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me this day.

Today,  I will walk and take, not one BUT, two yoga classes.

This is the last Friday of my summer vacation so I can do that.

I would also like to take Matzah to the dog park.

I'm reading an incredible book for the September Syosset Book Club called, THE ALCHEMIST.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this wonderful day.

Later..............After my yoga classes, he met me for breakfast.  I wish he would stay like this. But, alas, that is a dream!!!

INTENTION #71 TO ACCEPT CHANGE WITHOUT ANXIETY

The summer is rapidly coming to a close. 

It has been a wonderful summer.   Moving forward, my intention to day is to accept change without being so anxious.  I will try hard to live in the moment.   I will remember all of the   TO BE's.   I will also remember to be on guard.  

I know that a leopard doesn't change its spots.

GRATEFUL FOR TODAY, THURSDAY, AUGUST 29, 2013

I am grateful to the Almighty for today.

It will be a simple day filled with things like walking, going through the mail, reading the papers and going shopping.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my summer.

I have joy!!  I have energy!!!  I will have a good day!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS THIS PAST WEEK

I am so grateful to the Almighty for all my accomplishments this past week.

We went to the condo in Westhampton.  There is no place to run there and no place to hide so one has to be very careful.  I was.  I had an incredible week.

I did not discuss what I didn't want to.   He spent a lot of time telling me about this new condo that we were going to buy.  Then he would tell me that he was going to die.  Then he would ask me if I knew how to drive to Westhampton.  Then he would ask for money. Then he would tell me that he has money...........  and on and on.

I am proud of say that I did not fall in to this trap at all.  It was tough going because there was no place to run to.

I did have one bad panic attack because it's tough to listen to all this and not respond.  I decided that in the future, I might give my opinion, but only once and then in a quiet voice that I've become so good at.

I increased my walking to close to 3 hours on some days.  I encouraged him to let Matzah go to the "beach" which was in reality, the bay side of Shore Road.  I read 2 newspapers. We went to the pool.  I finished one book and started another.  I drank wine and ate wasabi peas on the deck before dinner.  I finished taking my yoga classes at the studio that I found in town.  I shopped, not a lot, but a hat, tee shirt  from The Hampton Classic and a running jacket that said, Westhampton.  I showered and dressed for dinner, allowing him to wear the clothes that he went to the beach in because I finally realized that I'm not the clothes police.

We went to The Hampton Classic, a place with no bad memories.   I did not go to Montauk where a waiter chased us down the steps of a restaurant because his tip was either non-existent or inappropriate. 

I saw what a bully he had been because he actually had memorized all the things that I had wanted to do that he said "no" to.   I understood this, but it didn't control me.

I am grateful to the Almighty for guiding me this week and this past summer.

Thank you, Almighty for my accomplishments.    

INTENTION #70 THE TO BE'S

I will continue to be aware of all of the  TO BE'S  and to practice them.

I will also great every challenge with a smile.

I am strong.  I am capable.  I will have a good day!!!

Thank you Almighty for being there for me always!!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR NOT FALLING FOR LIES

Thank you, Almighty for the wonderful time that I had in Westhampton.

I walked daily and spoke to you.  Some days, I even walked for close to three hours.  I enjoyed my breakfast with the newspapers.  I enjoyed taking the doggie to the beach.  I loved reading at the pool.  I loved being in the pool.

I enjoyed going to The Hampton Classic.  I did not go to Montauk because of the unhappy memories.  I enjoyed going out to dinner.

I practiced my quiet little voice and succeeded.

I loved all the yoga classes that I took.

I did not get taken in by the discussion of a new condo.

I enjoyed the moment.

I'm proud of me.

Thank you, Almighty for watching over me.

INTENTIONS # 63-69

I MADE IT.  I SUCCEEDED!!!  I AM DONE WITH WESTHAMPTON UNTIL COLUMBUS DAY WEEKEND.   HE COULDN'T UPSET ME AT ALL!!!!

ALL MY STRATEGIES AND INTENTIONS WORKED.

THANK YOU, ALMIGHTY, FOR WATCHING OVER ME!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THIS SUMMER

As I sit here on the computer, at work, it dawns on me that I need to make a list of the most wonderful things that I accomplished this summer.   Here goes!!

l. I walked every single day and have increased my walking to between 2-2 1/2 hours daily.

2. I attended Sabbath services and hung out with friends.

3. I texted friends near and far.

4. I blogged daily in my Gratitude Journal writing an intention each day.

5. I did not let him upset me at all.

6. I meditated.

7. I went to yoga classes both in my regular studio and in Westhampton.

8. I explored walking in Westhampton.

9. I went to Yoga Book Discussions/Lunch.

10. I attended book discussions in the Syosset Library.

11. I went to the Summer Reading Party in Plainview.

12. I found a new dog park for Matzah and met a new friend.

13. I went to dinner with Sisterhood friends before the Sisterhood Book Club.

14. I did many fun colors for nails and toes.

15. I took Matzah to the beach.

16. I read outside in the backyard.

17. I got my hair colored/cut.

18. I shopped for High Holiday outfits.

19. I uninvited them. Let go that which doesn't serve you so you can heal.

20. I participated in three races, THE HEART AND SOLE, WORKMAN'S CHALLENGE and DISCOVER HICKSVILLE.

21. I got a flu shot.

I am proud of myself!!!!!!

GRATEFUL TO BE AT WORK

And where am I now?????

At my desk, at CCA, on the computer, writing to you.  I was called in to write some goals which I have done and now I'm playing.

I love work!!!!!!

We are off to Westhampton shortly!!!!

Thank you, Almighty for this wonderful summer.

INTENTIONS #63-69 TO KEEP MYSELF IN THE "LIGHT"

We are heading out to Westhampton this afternoon.

We will be there until next Wednesday night.

He has a way of making me feel discontent about my life because he always looks for the negative and it is hard to stay positive.

Therefore, INTENTIONS  #63-69 were created to help me to stay focused.  I am the only one who can bring myself from darkness to light.   

I will use all the TO BE's to accomplish this.

After this vacation, it's Labor Day Weekend and then school starts.

I INTEND TO KEEP MYSELF IN THE LIGHT!!!!!!

GRATEFUL FO THE ALMIGHTY WATCHING OVER ME THIS SUMMER

I am grateful to the Almighty for watching over me this summer.

He had always given me the skills to know how to succeed.  I just wasn't using them appropriately.  He had to shake me up last summer to allow me to "see."

With His help, I am having a wonderful summer and with His help I will continue to have a good life.  It will be a life created by me.

Today, I will walk.  

I was asked to come in to work to write goals.

Then we will drive out to Westhampton until next Wednesday.

Summer is almost over.

Thank you, Almighty for watching over me.

I am grateful.

INTENTION #62 TO FEEL THE JOY OF SUCCESS

My intention for today is to feel the joy of all my successes this summer.

There have been a lot of them.

I am very proud of me.

Today, when I am with him, I will focus on that.  

He is who he is.

I intend NOT to think of past memories with him that can only upset me.

GRATEFUL FOR THE JOYS OF MY SUMMER

As summer draws to a close, I must tell you that I am grateful to the Almighty for helping me to make my joys of summer happen.

I did so many things by myself that I really, really enjoyed. I am so proud of myself for using this quiet little voice with him and not allowing him to engage in any confrontations with me.  I refused to walk down many streets with him and that added to my success.

I'm glad that I told him that I was not retiring yet.  I'm glad that I memorized things he has said to me and then quoted them back.  I need to feel safe being home and that I made the right decision.  It will happen soon, but not yet.

I got a really funky color at the nail place.  I checked it out and I can do white for the High Holidays when I return.

Today, I'm walking early because I have THe Yoga Book Club today.  I'm very excited. It has yoga, lunch and a book discussion.

Then we will be off to get flu shots, another end of summer activity.  He says that he wants to got to the beach.

Let's see what happens.

I am so grateful to the Almighty for the joys of summer.

Thank you!!!!

Later...............

We did go for flu shots.  And yes, he was open to going to TOBAY BEACH and we had a nice time.  Then we went to the Nautical Mile in Freeport for a delicious dinner.  I wish he had been like this years ago.

However, I was grateful for the day!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A WONDERFUL DAY

I am thankful to the Almighty because I am having a wonderful day.

After trying to talk to him yesterday and not getting any appropriate responses, I went back to stillness and quiet!

What a beautiful day!!!  It was filled with walking, texting and chatting with friends, old and new.

It was filled with errands that were fun and some were school-related.

I had time, with all this nice quiet and stillness which was my intention, to lay in a sun chair outside in the back yard, make phone calls, text and read.

I received a phone call from work.  I need to go in Thursday to write goals.  He is not happy that summer is ending.  He says he didn't buy a condo.  I didn't react, but that was good for a laugh. He will miss his companion............me!!!  What am I, a companion???? I guess if you don't have sex, that's what you are.

Anyway, it's off for a mani/pedi. It's the last crazy color of summer.

And then, yoga!!  What a great day!!!

Thank you, Almighty for a wonderful day!!!!!

INTENTION #61 TO BE QUIET AND STILL

My intention today is to be quiet and still.

I want to appreciate the end of summer and too much chatter is clouding the horizon.

GRATEFUL ABOUT REALIZATIONS

I am grateful that I realized so many things yesterday that will affect my life in the future.

Even though this was the best summer that I have ever had with him, I cannot and will not forgive him for the things he has done.   I don't believe a word he says when he tell me how sorry he is for treating me the way he did, based on the fact that he said the same thing last year and look what happened on  JULY 31, 2012,  a day that I will never forget. It's a day that he blames on me, taking no responsibilities for his actions.


I am in the transitional phase now between the end of summer and returning to work.  I'm sure that once I start work, I will be fine...........  It's the realization that summer is over that will be tough.

I really don't want another condo with him.  My dreams have changed and I don't need the added agina that buying another condo will bring.  He thinks that buying another condo is the solution to me retiring.  I now know that I can retire and build a life for myself.  However, it will be hard as he continues to annoy me.  He wants to control me and that isn't going to happen.

I showed him the strategies and Smiley faces that I created this summer, not to show fear but to explain that I don't think that this is a marriage.

He learned nothing from what I said, but I felt better.

I am grateful to the Almighty for these realizations.

GRATEFUL BECAUSE HERE I AM AT WORK

I am grateful to the Almighty because I made it back to work.

I came into CCA to get re-acquainted with my position as Curriculum Coordinator.

I'm delighted to be back.

He told me before I left that I would NEVER retire.   

My answer in my quiet little voice was, RETIRE TO WHAT???  WHERE IS YOUR PASSION???  WHAT DO WE DO TOGETHER????

He was quiet after that.

INTENTION #60 TO BE QUIET ABOUT RETURNING TO WORK

My intention today is to be quiet about returning to work.

There is absolutely NO REASON for him to know how happy I am about this.

However, I am thrilled that I have weathered all potential storms and succeeded!!!

GRATEFUL FOR CCA

I am grateful to the Almighty because I AM GOING TO WORK TODAY!!!!!

The time has come for me to reconnect with my career and my office.

I have enjoyed the summer.  I have weathered all storms with him and I have won!

Real life resumes.

There will shortly be no more discussion of buying another condo which never was going to happen in the first place.

If you check my June entries, you will see that this is what I said back then.  I had said that this was his ploy for the summer to upset me and that it wouldn't succeed. As a matter of fact, during the summer, he slipped and said I thought that I wouldn't buy one.  Then you would nag.......the rest would be history.  It never happened!!!!

The money will sit in the bank forever!!!!!!

I am returning to reality.

Thank you Almighty for the gift of CCA.

GRATEFUL FOR RED FLAGS WHICH KEEP ME ON GUARD

I am so grateful to the Almighty for helping me see RED FLAGS which keep me ON GUARD with him.

It's funny that he believes we are truly friends this summer.  Honestly, he must realize that we aren't.  Unless, those are just words to try and fool me which he has been very good at through the years. He probably doesn't realize that I am well aware of his history.

Yesterday, after the dog park, I decided to reverse the game that we play.  I told him that it was a wonderful summer. I told him that I had seen friends and done all of my activities. I don't think he realized that.  I DID NOT TELL HIM ABOUT MY STRATEGIES FOR MYSELF.  He told me that he realized that he had been wrong and sought to make amends.  EXCEPT, this was the same thing that he said last summer. I knew this was a lie.  He is a very accomplished lier.

He thought that he would catch me in a weak moment, so he decided to ask me if LINDA had forgiven him.  I never answered him.  However, the RED FLAG was up and I was ON GUARD as I usually am with him when I'm alone with no scheduled activity.  At dinner, he again told me how angry he was at JEFF.  I just said that people use words to express that.

However, there is so much more.........what he did to my brother, what he did to Dennis, how he treated Phil,  how he tried to treat Jeff, how he bothered me with Annette and Rhonnie.........and on and on.

I know this and choose not to say a word because none of this can be proven EXCEPT WHERE HE SLIPPED UP WITH JEFF AND LINDA.

I am grateful to the Almighty for showing me all this so that I know how to proceed with me life.

INTENTION #59 TO BE NON-EMOTIONAL, CAREFUL AND QUIET

My intention today is be be non-emotional about anything that he says.

We are getting towards the end of summer and it is easy to forget who he is and what he is capable of when days passed have been successful.  I will not forget.  I will be careful and quiet in what I say and do so that I can have another good day for me.

I will remember that he is not my friend.

I am grateful to the Almighty for being my friend.

GRATEFUL FOR SUMMER SUCCESSES

I am grateful to the Almighty for my summer successes.

I went to services yesterday and re-connected with synagogue friends.  There is a SCHMOOZE WITH THE RABBI IN THE GARDEN ON MONDAY NIGHT AT 7:15 that I will attend.  I then was able to walk for over 2 hours as usual.

I came home, finished the newspapers and headed to DISCOVER HICKSVILLE- A 5 MILE RACE. I didn't know what to expect as I had never been there before.  I took him with me for that reason.  It was wonderful.  I got a tee-shirt.  There was a barbeque with beer and a band......and raffles........and ice cream. Need I say more???  Conversation was light and the weather was beautiful.  He told me that he had a good time.  I was proud of myself because I had accessed the community again and made it work for me.  I posted myself on FACEBOOK because I love myself deeply and was filled with pride for my successes this summer.

Now, I'm off to walk.  I then will go to yoga and WEIGHT WATCHERS.  I thought that today would be a beach day, but it looks like rain.  We do have a NETFLIX movie waiting to be seen.

I feel contented and happy about my accomplishments.

Thank you, Almighty for believing in me so that I could have summer successes.


Later..................We did not watch the NETFLIX FILM.  We went to the dog park instead.  I had a wonderful time talking to a retired teacher.

He is quiet which is wonderful....................

Thank you Almighty for my summer successes.

Intention #58 TO BE QUIET

My intention today is to be quiet.

He is under a great deal of tension because his niece is calling him.  She wants my older daughter's boyfriend invited to her mother's birthday party.  The boyfriend is the new person that he hates.

He will have to speak to the niece.  

My intention today is to be quiet so that  he won't transfer his wrath and frustration to me.

As I write this, I am smiling.  I'm glad something happened to upset him.  It balances out what he tried to do to me the day we went to the cemetery.

I am strong, I am capable.

I can do this!!!!!

'

GRATEFUL THAT IT'S SHABBOS

I am grateful to the Almighty because today is Shabbos.

I will go to services and re-connect with shul friends.  Soon enough, running to Westhampton will be over and although I enjoyed it a great deal, I will be thrilled to get back to my real life. It gets to be a chore to come up with daily strategies.

After services, I will do my usual walking.  This day however, will be different.  Later in the evening, I will attend, DISCOVER HICKSVILLE FIVE-MILE RUN, which is a first for ths town.  It comes complete with a barbeque and band.

Yesterday, he got a phone call from Lovely Ellen telling him that Suzanne wants to invite my older daughter AND HER BOYFRIEND to Lovely Ellen's Birthday party.  That did not sit well with him at all.  Suzanne is calling HIM.  I'm glad that someone is creating angina in his life. He certainly did it enough to me.  As I type this, I'm smiling because he has to handle it, not me. 

What goes around, comes around.  Think of what he did to my family and friends all these years.

I will let you know what happens.

Thank you, Almighty for this wonderful Shabbos and for keeping me safe all summer.

INTENTION #57 TO BE CAREFUL

I know that I keep congratulating myself because summer's end is approaching and I have achieved my intentions.

However, one cannot become too cocky because like a cow knocking over a pail of milk after the farmer has congratulated himself, for milking her,  ONE WRONG MOVE ON MY PART, AND I HAVE LOST.

My intention today is TO BE CAREFUL.  I will remember all the "TO BE's" of past entries so that he can't win.

GRATEFUL FOR THE STRENGTH TO CHANGE

I am so grateful to the Almighty for giving me the strength to change.

I am an entirely new person around him.   I have done this for one year, but the test was this summer because I would be around a lot more.

I am proud to say that I have "changed" so completely that he thinks we are friends!"

You could really see that he is upset that he can't banter.  He is upset that he can't remind me of things that I don't like in order to upset me. He is upset that he can't yell at me and create a entire episode.  How do I know this?  I realized yesterday, that he is very quiet.  I didn't say a word, except when I came home from getting my hair cut and colored, I thought that a way to do this was to ask if he feels all right.  He responded that he was bored.

OF COURSE HE IS BORED!!!!   WHO CAN HE CARRY ON WITH???  THE PHONE CALLS THAT HE MADE TO HARASS PEOPLE DON'T CALL HIM BACK!!!

How sad!!!!

On the other hand, I had a wonderful time at the END OF SUMMER READING CELEBRATION AT THE LIBRARY.  I have been a member for 3 years.

Today, I'm taking, not one, but two yoga classes.   Then to make my heart sing, I'm taking the doggie to a new park.

What a wonderful day!!!!

Thank you, Almighty for giving me the strength to change.

Later............  The yoga classes that I took were absolutely fantastic, a Restorative Yoga class and a Level 1.   I did take Matzah to a new wonderful dog park where he ran with 6 dogs.  I got to sit in the sun and watch him work the crowd!!!!

Thank you , Almighty for giving me the will and strength to change.

INTENTION #56 TO BE STILL

Intention #56 is to continue to practice stillness.

I know that he isn't going to buy another condo and I take full responsibility for continuing to mention it.  I MUST BE STILL about this and let the rest of the summer continue quietly.

I have seen the birth of new dreams for me and the death of dreams with him. I have realized who he is.  I have realized who the triad is and I have buried the dreams.

If my new dreams are to continue to grow and flourish, I must be still.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING ABLE TO SEE BEAUTY AND NOT FLAWS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I went for a private yoga lesson yesterday and Leslie spoke to me about being able to see beauty instead of flaws.

Its human nature to concentrate on flaws.  However, in order to make your world a beautiful place, you must concentrate on its beauty.

I have decided to do just that.  Last night, when I couldn't sleep, I counted up all the things that I liked about the condo.  There were a lot of things that I loved.  If I had to move, it would upset me.  I did not see the flaws.  I realized that being around him, I concentrate on flaws.  I'm going to try and be more aware of that in the future.

This morning, I'm walking on a beautiful, Fall-like day.  Then I'm off to Weight Watchers.  In the afternoon, I'm getting my hair colored and cut.  In the evening, I'm going to The End of Summer Reading Celebration in the library.  I'm really looking forward to this day.

Thank you, Almighty for making this day possible and allowing me to see its beauty.

INTENTION #55 TO BE STILL AND QUIET

My intention for today is to be still and quiet.

As we approach the final days of Summer '13,   I cannot get too cocky thinking that he wouldn't try anything.  He would  try at any opportunity he could find.

With this in mind, I will appreciate the day.  I will appreciate my life, my health and the Almighty who made these things happen for me.  

However,  I will be observant.  I will be still and quiet meaning that I won't give my opinions at all to him.

I'm very proud of how far I have come.

GRATEFUL THAT I AM STRONG AND CAPABLE

I am grateful that the Almighty made me a strong and capable woman.

I am not the same person that I was last year.  I'm much happier as a result of the changes in me. 

I really do love myself completely.  I am letting go of that which doesn't serve me, whether it be people or thoughts.

I am amazed that I knew back in June that he was going to use buying a condo as his latest hook to bait me.  I didn't fall for it.  I made him in charge of the entire operation and as I thought, NOTHING WAS ACCOMPLISHED.  Honestly, he doesn't need another condo so that he can use it to pit people against each other.

I even realized that he was trying to do the same thing to me and I stopped reacting. He was trying to bait me to get upset about things that I was not pleased with. Whether he spoke about the older daughter, her boyfriend or his parents, I didn't react.

I realized that I was an excellent role model for those girls and that they failed to achieve on their own.  I modeled religion and they failed to accept it.

I uninvited them for the High Holidays.  They never observed.  The older one snuck around doing things that one shouldn't do on a holiday.  The younger one slept in pajamas the entire time, only getting up for meals.

I became very relaxed as a result of my new thoughts and ideas.

One rainy day, at the condo, I read an entire book because I was so relaxed.  That hasn't happened in years.


Today, I will walk, read and go food shopping.  I have a yoga lesson later in the day.

I am grateful that the Almighty made me a strong and capable woman.

GRATEFUL THAT I MADE IT THROUGH THE RAIN

I just returned from Westhampton.

I had a wonderful time because the Almighty gave me strength and I remembered the TO BE'S.

After my prayers each morning while I walked, I remembered to say my mantras.

Thank you, Almighty for this.

INTENTION #49-54 TO PRACTICE THE TO BE'S

I will be going to Westhampton today until next Tuesday.   I have created intentions #49-54 to cover those days.

I will be practicing the to be's.    I realize that his focus will be to upset me and to engage me in negative conversation.  He will try to banter and to gather information that will upset me so that I can be as miserable, upset and discontent as he is.

Obviously, that is not going to happen because I will be on guard.

That is what is meant by practicing the to be's.............

My intention is to be happy, to be aware,  to be content,    to be satisfied, to be joyful, to be able to recognize that I have accomplished a great deal and to be fulfilled with that.  To be aware that I taught my daughters everything that I know and everything that I valued.   To be guilt free if they did not embrace it.

GRATEFUL FOR DOING THINGS THAT MAKE MY HEART SING

I am grateful to the Almighty because this summer I am doing things that make my heart sing.

I always walk.  I have increased the amount of time that I walk each more to just about 2 hours and 30 minutes.  That is wonderful!!!

Each day I do something that I really enjoy.  Yesterday, I took the doggie to the park and played ball with him.  I had a wonderful time.   I also had my private yoga lesson and it was so enjoyable.  I allowed myself to have sushi for dinner.  I know that I will gain weight from this, but I can always loose it.

I finished the book, SHANGHAI GIRLS and will start DREAMS OF JOY today.  Plus, I have to read the next book for the YOGA BOOK CLUB which I will be able to attend.

Best of all, my plan yesterday was to find dresses for the holidays and I did!!!!  In Cindi's of all places and I was delighted.

I'm texting and talking to friends.  I know when to speak to him and when not to.  I am careful as to what I say because he is always looking to banter or upset me.  He is on a quest for information and he doesn't get any.  If he does, I don't answer.  I am very careful around him, always on guard and I have gotten used to it.  Since I live in the moment, I accept that this is what it is.  I don't think of it as a marriage at all.

Today we are leaving for Westhampton until Tuesday.  I have shortened the amount of time by two days and have done it carefully.   He is still trying to make a condo an issue, but has met with failure at each turn because I am content and satisfied with what I have.  I do not live in a dream world and fully realize what he would try to do if we moved.  I am so grateful that I learned this. I am taking 2 yoga classes at the Westhampton Yoga Studio in town.

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am doing things that make my heart sing.

INTENTION #48 TO BE COMFORTABLE AND RELAXED AT HOME

My intention today, as it was before is to enjoy my home.   

I have worked very hard with the "TO BE's" especially to be comfortable when he is around.

Summer is waning and there will be more time indoors.

My intention is to practice being comfortable and relaxed at home when he is there.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING CONTENT

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am satisfied and content with my accomplishments.

I have my health.

I have faith in the Almighty.

I have friends.

I have a great career.

I do so many fun activities.   Last night, I went to dinner with him and then to a book discussion of a wonderful and interesting novel.

Today, I'm going to walk.  Then I want to take Matzah to the little dog park.  I need to go to Staples and to Cindi's to see if they have holiday dresses.

Then I have my private yoga lesson that I love with Leslie.

Everything in life doesn't work out.  I gave everything my best shot and I am satisfied and content that I tried my best and could do no more.  I have regrets because I would have liked a decent husband and more respectful, religious, family oriented children.........but it's not because I didn't try to make it so.

This was my fate.

I am grateful that I could accomplish what I did.

Thank you, Almighty!!!!

INTENTION # 47 TO LEARN TO SHIFT

My intention for today is to continue to SHIFT.  

I have been doing this, but I did not realize that it had a name.  

It simply means that you cannot change those around you, but you can change yourself and your perceptions of them.

I think that this is why I am so happy this summer.  

I have shifted perceptions and let go of those thoughts and people that do not serve me so that I can heal.

GRATEFUL FOR A BEAUTIFUL DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I had another beautiful day yesterday.

He had to go to a doctor and I was alone to do everything that would make my heart sing.

It was wonderful.

Today, I have another wonderful day planned.  

I will walk this morning.  It is like a clear, crisp Fall day outside.  I realize that I have happily made it through most of the summer with him.  My alone time has been wonderful.

My plan is to get the truck washed, get a new earring for my right ear and new sun glasses.

I have a manicure/pedicure scheduled.  I have yet to figure out the color that I want to put on.

Then I'm taking myself out to dinner before my Book Discussion.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this beautiful day!!!

INTENTION # 46 TO ENJOY THE DAY

My intention for today is to enjoy every moment of this day.

I am off to walk.   I have a yoga class to attend.  I'm going to the library, Weight Watchers and the cleaning store.

I am blessed that I am happy with the life that I created for me.

GRATEFUL FOR MY STRENGTH AND INTELLIGENCE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my strength and intelligence.

It was a difficult weekend.  However, I'm so happy to say that I was not taken in by all the nice things that he did all summer.  I enjoyed them all.  However, I had no illusions that he was going to change.

I was overjoyed that I told the girls what he has been up to on the phone, in the car, so that he could hear.  I was thrilled that I told him that I would never raise my voice because that would take me on a road that I didn't want to travel.

I am thrilled that I didn't get involved in buying another condo with him after his performance this weekend.

Enough about him!!!

I'm off to do the things that I enjoy.  These are things that make my heart sing.

Later....... I walked for 2 hours and 46 minutes.  That's a first for me.  Then I took a Level 1 Yoga class.  The theme was SHIFTS.  We concentrated on shoulders, but Leslie spoke of a SHIFT in the way we present things even though we can't make changes in other people. Isn't that what I am doing??  I was very happy to hear this.

Thank you, Almighty for my strength and intelligence.

GRATEFUL FOR STRENGTH TO SURVIVE A DIFFICULT DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I was able to survive a very difficult day with him.

Before the Jewish holidays, I go to the cemetery.  This is what my parents taught me to do. He drives me because I don't do highways and the cemetery is in New Jersey.  He then goes to his parents cemetery, also in New Jersey because the scale must be balanced.  He was not brought up like this.

I keep all the cemetery information in a folder and bring it with me.  It has MAP QUEST directions from one cemetery to the other which he downloaded.  He was supposed to review the directions to his cemetery while I was at my family site. 

He did not do so but programed the GPS incorrectly and got terribly lost.  I was rather quiet for the entire trip preferring not to be in the line of sight in a car after yesterday.

Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, he blamed me, telling me that he won't go with me next year and I should go with my brother.  I was trapped in a car with him and I again used my little voice.  I texted a friend and my daughters to let them know what he was up to.  

He didn't like that at all preferring to be abusive in private.  The girls were quite proud of me and encouraged me to also use laughter as a technique which I did.

Upon coming home, he began again to banter about my friends.  He was looking for anything to get a rise out of me.  Again, there was failure.

I did tell him that I didn't think it was a good idea for us to look for a new condo considering the way he handles pressure.  

This did not sit well with him.

He accused me of not wanting to retire.  He told me that this was not a marriage. Anything to get a rise out of me.  I told him in a quiet voice that I would not be manipulated into raising my voice so he could call 911.

I responded in my quiet little voice that if today was any indication of retirement, I would continue to work.

I'm proud of myself.

INTENTION #45 TO BE STILL

Intention # 45 is that I would be still today.  

After yesterday's episode, I realize that I must keep myself safe.  Sharing things with him is definitely not an option.  He only looks for ways to set me up and I know where that will lead.

My intention today is to be still.  I am only responsible for my life.

I tried hard to protect this child.

In the long run, I know what he is capable of.  I know that she would support his viewpoint.

As they say in yoga, "LET GO OF THAT WHICH DOESN'T SERVE YOU SO YOU CAN HEAL.

GRATEFUL FOR REMAINING SAFE

I am grateful to the Almighty that I remained safe yesterday.

I made the mistake of speaking to him too much.  I had heard in synagogue that the older ones boyfriends name was NOT JEWISH BUT MUSLIM. I spoke to a friend of mine who had come from Iraq and he said that the boyfriends name was definitely not a Jewish name.    I was concerned about this and voiced my opinions and strategies about how to handle this to M.   His response was that I was upsetting him.  He accused me of telling him the things happening in the synagogue.  He said that I become upset about these things and tell him.   He accused me of yelling at him.

All of this was a pack of lies.  I could see how he would manipulate a story, become enraged and call 911.

I saw immediately where this would go and I pulled back.  My conscience is clear because I was trying to right a very bad situation.  I had definite visions of last year and vowed to make todays intention STILLNESS.

Thank you Almighty for keeping me safe.

INTENTION # 45 TO CALMLY OBSERVE THE WORLD

My intention today is to calmly observe the world.   I am not responsible for the mistakes of others.

I will calmly observe what other people do without feeling guilty for others mistakes and trying to  correct them.

GRATEFUL FOR MY ROUTINE

I am grateful to the Almighty for the routines that I have.  I am grateful for how comfortable I feel everywhere I go.

Today was Shabbos.  As is my custom, I went to services and was greeted by all my friends who were happy to see me.

After I finish with the computer, I will walk.  I have a newspaper to read and a book to read.

I am comfortable with my life and it's routines.

I am proud to say that I almost had an issue.   When I returned home from services, I told him that most probably the older one's boyfriend was Muslim, on the father's side.   He agreed!!!  Then I saw that my yoga teacher was doing a retreat to Vermont and he began his bantering later in the day.  I did not fall for it at all.  He insisted that I was yelling which was a lie, but would lead me down a road that I didn't want to go.

I told him to call 911 and say that he had heart failure and that I was upsetting him. He shut up after that.

What an enemy!!!!

Thank you, Almighty for helping me to realize this.

INTENTION #44- APPRECIATING THE SAFETY OF HOME

Intention #44 is to begin to appreciate the security and comfort that my home affords me.

Since I was a child, I did not feel safe in my home because of the abusive people in it.  As I chose someone like my parents, that feeling of being unsafe at home continued.

However, my intention is to begin to feel safe in my home.

I have created new strategies to deal with the abusive people and now I will begin the process of spending time at home.

I am doing this because with work starting again in a month, home should be a refuge from the outside.

GRATEFUL TO BE HAPPY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have been very happy this summer and I hope and pray it continues.

I am a new person, using new strategies to deal with difficult people.   I use yoga principles to keep myself healthy and it's working.  The latest strategy is to make an intention to pay less attention to those who aren't good for me.

It's working!!!!!!

Yesterday, I had a really nice day.   I did some many practical and fun things.  I walked, I shopped for workout clothes, I made a Social Security appointment, I read, I cleaned a closet, and in the evening, I got to watch a Johnny Depp film that I had wanted to see for so long.

Today, so far  (It's 2:00PM)  has been really good.  I walked.  I took a Restorative Yoga class. My new necklace will be ready in 3 weeks.  It's a gift that I gave myself!!!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am happy.  I am grateful to the Almighty because I have made this new life happen, with His help.

INTENTION #43 TO BE

My intention for today is, to be.

To be happy, to be content, to be still, to be silent, to have joy........................

My intention is to pay less and less attention to things and people that aren't important.

GRATEFUL THAT IT'S AUGUST 1

I am grateful to the Almighty because I made it to August 1 without letting him upset me in any way!!!!!

I worked really hard this year to accomplish this.  I didn't want to give him any power over me. I was very concerned when school ended on June 24th,  that I would have problems.

I didn't.  I have been working on this all year long.   I knew exactly what I had to do to keep myself safe.  I know to expect anything.  I am aware of him all the time.  I know that at any moment, anything can happen.  Knowing this, I can move forward with my own life.  I have so much more time because I don't fall in to traps.

I could see how unhappy he is because his victim has escaped.   I can tell by the way he greets me in the morning.  I saw it today, when I caught sight of him coming back from walking the dog with his shoulders slumped.

I know now that he never wanted to have a wife as a friend.  He wanted to bully and abuse.  He told me recently that I was always happy,  and he was always miserable.  He wanted to make me as miserable as he is.

He did not accomplish this at all.  I have so much to be grateful for.

He is in my life, but not of my life.  I don't feel guilty about this at all.

I just feel grateful that I have a life that he can't destroy.

However, because I know what to do and I have no expectations for him, I have had a wonderful summer so far.

It's not as  though I'm on guard all the time.  I have a new way of dealing with him and it certainly has enhanced my life.


I am having a wonderful summer.

Thank you, Almighty.