GRATEFUL FOR LIES AND NONSENSE CONVERSATION

I am grateful to the Almighty for the ability to lie and have a nonsense conversation.

It is Shabbos dinner.   What do I talk about???  I make things up and that way I have something to say.  If I reverted to talking about things that were true, I would become enraged because this man gave me a miserable life.

Lies and nonsense are the ways to go.

Thank you Almighty!!!!

Good Shabbos!!!

GRATEFUL FOR BEING HAPPY

I am grateful to the Almighty because, the truth is, I am happy.  I am no longer seeking happiness.

My intention is to continue to be happy and joyful.  My intention is to continue using stillness when I have to.

I had an amazing conversation with Dana yesterday.  I decided to tell the both of them what he had been up to.  Dana was the only one who responded.  If you remember, the older one actually gave him a website.  

Anyway, Dana said to think of him as a special needs student who can't change.  I am going to do that as I move forward this summer.  When I was growing up, emotional disabilities, unless severe, were not diagnosed.

I'm sure he has one and now I know how to proceed.

To keep myself safe, I cannot get involved in nonsense discussions.

Dana is right about something else.  This has been going on forever and it needs to stop, NOW!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty because I am really happy.  I have accomplished a lot and I am satisfied with myself.

GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I READ

   “You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.”

― Johnny Cash

This is an amazing saying and one that I am going to remember.  In going through past entries, I noted how I talked about a lack of energy and realized that it had to do with constantly creating strategies to use with him.  

I stopped doing that.

It is true that dwelling on mistakes in the past takes energy and it's not worth it.

GRATEFUL FOR READING ON FACEBOOK

I am grateful to the Almighty for what I read on Facebook:

HOLDING ONTO ANGER IS LIKE TAKING POISON AND EXPECTING THE OTHER PERSON TO DIE!!!!


That is an amazing statement that I will remember in dealing with anger.  It makes sense when you couple it with:

LET GO OF THAT WHICH DOESN'T SERVE YOU, SO YOU CAN HEAL.

GRATEFUL FOR HAPPINESS

I am grateful to the Almighty for my happiness.

I have grace, a love for love and gratitude which equals happiness.

I am grateful for all the things that have happened to me which brought me to this point in time.

GRATEFUL BECAUSE I MADE IT THROUGH THE RAIN

I am grateful to the Almighty because I made it through the rain.

I have given up my incorrect illusions.  This has allowed to live in a world that is real.

I am working on giving up what doesn't serve me so that I can heal.

Each day the intention of STILLNESS gets a new challenge, but I am in the lead.

I live in the present.  I don't make plans with him that can be controlled or destroyed.  It doesn't mean that I don't have a plan, it means that I just don't mention it to him.

I am proud of myself.  It was tough doing this, but I know that the Almighty is on my side and I am grateful for this. 

Tonight to celebrate ME, I am taking ME to dinner.............just ME!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING THE DEFINITION OF YOGA

I am grateful to the Almighty for learning the true definition of yoga.  It was given to me on my yoga app this morning.  Yoga is about balancing your life.  It is about balancing, MIND, BODY and SPIRIT.

I try to do just that.  Yesterday was an example of the definition.  I said my prayers in the morning.  I worked all day.  I exercised by walking at the end of the day.  I took a restorative yoga class at night.  Each activity that I did balanced out the others.  It was a very healthy day.

This is the way that I live every day.

He tries to unbalance my life by starting conversations about issues that I would rather not discuss.  He tries to engage me or bait me into arguing.  He knows that that will disrupt the flow of my spirit.

I need to be mindful of this according to the definition of yoga.

I have joy.  I have energy.  I will have a good day.

I will not allow myself to become unbalanced.

Thank you Almighty for clarifying the definition and making me a healthy individual. 

GRATEFUL FOR SUCCESSFUL BABY STEPS

I am grateful to the Almighty for the successful "baby steps" that I took this weekend.

I note that I'm saying "baby steps" because change is a process and I am in the beginning of the process.  I remembered all weekend that one  MUST  if one is to   SURVIVE,   LET GO OF THAT WHICH DOESN'T SERVE YOU.

I did quite well this weekend.  He did begin his mantras whenever I was there, looking for a reaction.  He wasn't given one.   He was given a quiet little voice instead.  Only once did I say that he needs more activity.  Truthfully, I know what he wants more of.  That is to control me and try and make me as miserable as he is  (his own words).  That hasn't happened.

Thanks to yoga, I avoided two arguments.  One was about making a shiva call to the Rabbi upon the loss of his mother.  The other was in Norman Levy Park.   Getting rid of that which didn't serve me, really helped me.  I told him to decide what to do about the Rabbi, but that I would make a shiva visit.  I walked to the top of Norman Levy Preserve alone and enjoyed the moment without him, which was fine.  It was awesome up there.

I must say that thanks to the changes in me, I did have a wonderful weekend.  I found that whatever I did without him, which actually was everything, I really loved.

I will continue to make baby steps as I move along through summer.   I promise to keep my quiet little voice no matter what happens and knowing him, I'm sure that he will try.  FAIL, BUT TRY!!!!

I am grate to the Almighty for my successful baby steps this weekend.

Tonight, I am attending Dawn's RESTORATIVE YOGA class which I am really looking forward to.

GRATEFUL FOR LETTING GO THAT WHICH DOESN'T SERVE ME

I am grateful to the Almighty for letting go of that which doesn't serve me.

I avoided two major arguments.

He went with me to visit the Rabbi who was sitting shiva for his mother when he said that he wouldn't go and carried on yesterday.  TO MY CREDIT, I SAID NOTHING!!!!!

He took a tram at Norman Levy Park and as usual, left me alone.  He asked if I was annoyed.  I was furious.  How many activities do I have to go and be by myself?   I realized that at this point, he could be taught, NOTHING.

I chose to say that he didn't bother me at all and moved on.

The fact was that I chose an intention to enjoy the walk by myself and I was happy.  I was also proud that I walked to the summit by myself.

I am grateful to the Almighty for watching over me so that I let go of that which doesn't serve me.  

I had a really good day.

GRATITUDE FOR THE WONDERFUL THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ME

I am grateful to the Almighty for a wonderful thing that happened to me today.

It was a beautiful day and I went for my walk.  

I came upon the PLAINVIEW MEMORIAL DAY PARADE and was delighted to watch it.

In the past, I had no time because those horrible girls destroyed my reputation and I was embarrassed to be seen in public as the mother of those girls.

Thank you Almighty for delivering me from evil.

GRATEFUL FOR NEW ADVENTURES

I am grateful to the Almighty for a new adventure that will begin for me on Saturday, June 8 at 4:00.  

I joined a MEET-UP for MEDITATION and YOGA.  Yesterday, I found out where the temple is and am excited to begin my new activity.

Today is a beautiful day.  I have some chores to do and them I'm looking forward to a fun-filled day.

I am grateful to the Almighty for new adventures.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am so grateful to the Almighty for the new life that I am living.

I understand, although I am not the least bit sympathetic to his plight because he brought all this on himself.

I don't want to move to meet new people.  I have met people through all my activities and have more fun things planned.  If he meets more people, he will only pit them together to fight with each other so he can enjoy it, as he continues to wind them up.

I am not retiring.  A few days of his discussions is all I can take.  Yesterday, he began his same mantra.  The difference was that I was different and all he got was the quiet little voice.  I had a fun day filled with walking, yoga and at the end of the day, a manicure and pedicure.  However, when I no longer have a passion for my job, I will retire.

I enjoy my activities.  I do invite him to join, but his answer to everything has always been, "NO!!!"   He gets angry when I have a life, ad he needs to find his own.

The victim has escaped.  This has truly enraged him.  He tries to bait me and fails.  I love my little voice.

After this Memorial Day weekend, I know that I can cope with him and I am very proud.

He hates everyone, the Rabbi, Izzy, Linda, Jeff, Rhonnie, Annettee and everyone else.  I don't even bother to answer.

I have created a new life and I am proud of myself.

I am strong and capable.

I have joy.  I have energy.  I will have a good life.  I have brought myself from darkness to light.'

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR THE BOOK THAT I READ

I am grateful to the Almighty because I read a wonderful book called, THE WORLD WE FOUND by THRITY UMRIGAR.

Although the novel was about a group of Indian women, one of the characters reminded me of myself and allowed me to understand myself a lot better.

Her name was Nishta and she was a Hindu.  She fell in love with a Muslim named Iqbal.  They fell in love in college and although their religions were different, they wanted to make a statement for the world.  Her parents disowned her.  His parents disliked her.  After the Riots of 1993, the became a Fundamentalist Muslim.  He made her convert.  She did it.  He made her wear a burka.  She did it.  He left his job in the bank without consulting her and went to work for his uncle.  He borrowed money from his brother and in exchange, gave Nishta, who had to even change her given name, the mother to cook and clean for.  He had a vascectomy after she had the miscarriage.

And throughout all this, she stayed.  Until she wanted to go to America with her friends to visit a dying friend.   And then he hit her.  Nishta now feels that the illusion of a marriage is completely gone.

Isn't that what happened to me???  I like the word illusion.  It is so much better than dreams. After what he did to me on July 31, 2012, the illusion of this marriage is gone and I am much better for it.

I am grateful to the Almighty for sending me this book.

GRATEFUL FOR MEETING CHALLENGES WITH A SMILE

I'm grateful to the Almighty for allowing me to meet the challenge of him with a smile.

I knew this day would come and I knew that it would come during my vacation.  As he has said, "I am always miserable.  You are always happy.  I want you to be as miserable as I am."  

Today turned out to be a beautiful day.  I could see in the way that I was greeted in the morning that he was not in a decent mood.  However, I did my chores and then went to walk for 2 hours on a beautiful day.   I then dressed and went to my yoga class and to Weight Watchers.  I put gas in the truck and got coffee.

He was in a foul mood when I got home.  He was looking for a fight.  

He didn't get one.

He got a quiet voice and a smile.

I knew what to expect.

I didn't give in.

I succeeded.

I am grateful to the Almighty for meeting challenges with a smile.

GRATEFUL FOR STILLNESS

I am grateful to the Almighty for stillness on this, the Shabbos of Memorial Day weekend.

Stillness is very beautiful and very spiritual. Silence is a wonderful thing as it allows you to relax and be yourself. Stillness lets you decide whether to think or not to think.  It is very beautiful especially on a rainy Shabbos.  It allows you to appreciate your world.

And so tonight when he couldn't take the stillness any more, he chose to ask me questions. I moved into vague mood.

Thank you Almighty for the gift of stillness.

GRATEFUL FOR THE RIDE TO WORK

I am so grateful to the Almighty for the ride that I took to work on this, the Friday of Memorial Day Weekend.

I'm so happy that the weather played right into my hands because I have fun things to do for myself.   It's going to rain and so there is synagogue, a film that I rented that a dear friend told me about, a good book to read, wine, yoga and a manicure-pedicure.

Yesterday I had my hair colored and cut.  It looks beautiful. He tried to confuse me about dinner, but in my new calm and quiet voice, I was not affected.

Today, I'm giving a computer training to teachers about curriculum mapping.

I need to go to the jewelry store to confirm prices for items that I ordered.

On the ride to work, I always think about my life and I must say that I'm very proud of myself.  I have come a long way to becoming the person that I need to be.   I almost feel as if I am on vacation because life is to be lived for me.

If not now, then when................?????

Thank you Almighty for having faith and patience with me.

GRATEFUL FOR THE MOURNING PERIOD

I never understood why a mourning period was 12 months long.  However, now I do and I am grateful to the Almighty for creating it.

This is finals week at school and I am running the overflow room as curriculum coordinator.  I have done all that needs to be done and so I had time to read different blogs from past years.

I could see the hurt in myself.  I could see the attempts at coping.  I could see how I never gave in. Failure was not going to be an option.

I am happy to say that I have succeeded.  I am not the same person that I was.  The hurt is behind me.  I am enjoying my life.  I feel safe.  I can cope with them.  I have managed through texting to move further from them.  

I have removed that which doesn't serve.  I have moved from darkness to light.

I understand why a mourning period is 12 months long.

Thank you, Almighty for creating this time period.

GRATEFUL FOR NOT GIVING UP

I am so grateful to the Almighty for His making sure that I never gave up the struggle.

I have never acknowledged failure.  Whatever the hand that I was given, I played the cards. 

I am happy with my life.   I have created a different life with each hand that I was given.

The hand that I was given July 31, 2012 was beyond horrible.  I refused to accept failure. Step by step I created a new life with the help of the Almighty.  I am so grateful for all the fun-filled activities I do and the events that I attend, ALONE!!

I find myself looking forward to the Memorial Day three day vacation because I have scheduled enjoyable activities for myself.  I know about the power of silence.  I clearly understand the people that I have to deal with.

I can't begin to express the gratitude and the joy that I feel in embracing my new life.

I have joy!!!  I have energy!!!  I will have  good day!!!

Thank you, Almighty for the gift of never giving up and accepting failure.

GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I HEARD IN YOGA

I am grateful to the Almighty for what I heard Dawn say in Restorative Yoga last night.

I have the power to bring myself from DARKNESS to LIGHT.  The power is in my hands.  That made so much sense.  It all came together for me in that simple sentence.

I can look forward to my life because I know exactly what to do.  I'm so excited.  I feel like screaming it from the hilltops!!!

I also read my App this morning which gave the definition of yoga as healthy. Reiki, as I learned this week, also tries to keep us healthy by keeping MIND, BODY and SPIRIT healthy.

I have noticed that not only do I practice stillness, but I also answer text messages when I choose to.  I am in control of me!

Today I have a private yoga lesson.  The learning continues.

I am content.

I have joy!!!  I have energy!!  I will have a good day!!

Thank you, Almighty for what I heard in yoga!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A DAHLI LAMA SAYING

I am grateful to the Almighty because as I was proctoring a student taking an English final my computer screen said,  "DON'T LET THE BEHAVIOR OF OTHERS DESTROY YOUR INNER PEACE."  

That will be my motto from now on.

Thank you Almighty for revealing this to me.

GRATEFUL FOR THE FEELING OF CALMNESS

I am grateful to the Almighty for the feeling of calmness that I feel every day.

I make my own decisions.  I plan one joyful activity a day.  I am still when I need to be.  I notice the world.  I say positive things to myself.  I am happy.

Tonight, I'm going to Restorative Yoga.  

Last night I went to my Reiki class.

I make my own decisions happily.  I don't disappoint myself.

I have a life.

I am grateful for the calmness that I feel daily.

GRATEFUL FOR LESSONS LEARNED IN YOGA

I am grateful to the Almighty for allowing me to practice yoga.

One cannot control one's subconscious.    Last night I had such sad dreams about what happened to me throughout life.   I woke up to get ready for work and was getting depressed.

Then I said my mantra where I have combined Judaism with yoga.  Already, I felt better.  

I was putting my phone in my bag and I decided to read the yoga quote for the day.  This is an App that I put on my phone.  It said you cannot fix what is broken.  Your intention is to be in the moment.

I felt so much better for this.   I realized that if there is a yoga pose that I have trouble with, I don't berate myself because I can't do it.  I applaud what I can do.  In other words, I let go of that which doesn't serve me.  I also don't go around the studio correcting and adjusting other peoples poses.  They are who they are.  I accept them and enjoy my life.

Life is the same way.  I can't fix what is broken in other people.   I can't be responsible for what others do.  I must let go of that which doesn't serve me and celebrate the moment, a moment which may never come again and is NOT to be wasted.  My intention is to enjoy my life.

I had a wonderful weekend.

I have joy!   I have energy!  I will have a good day!!

Tonight, I am looking forward to my REIKI CIRCLE.

I am grateful to the Almighty for the lessons that I learn in yoga.

GRATEFUL FOR ANOTHER AWESOME DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for this awesome day.

I walked in the rain this morning.   After all, it is Spring and wasn't cold at all.   I waved "hi" and spoke with two guys that I go to PJC with.   For years, I felt uncomfortable at PJC because of those girls, but NOW, it feels like home.  They are forgotten as though they NEVER existed.

I came home with Dunkin' Donuts Coffee (3 of them).  I purchased 3 new oils that I learned about in my workshop yesterday.  I even went to the bank!!   I read THE NEW YORK TIMES and NEWSDAY.  Now, I'm on computer and will read and do other chores when I'm off.

I love the stillness these weekends bring.  I love listening to the flow of my breathe and the fact that I'm not planning or creating strategies.

I watched TWILIGHT with him and had a glass of wine to ensure that I was relaxed. I went out to dinner with him. 

I let go of that which didn't serve me when I was with him.  I was still so much so that I can't even remember the mantra of annoying remarks he tried to make.

I was grateful for a wonderful day where I enjoyed each and everything that I planned for myself.

Thank you, Almighty for this awesome day.

GRATEFUL FOR AN AWESOME DAY

I am so grateful to the Almighty for this awesome day.

I went to services in my yoga clothes, no less,  because afterwards I was going to attend, TWO, yes, TWO yoga workshops.

The first was a MEDITATION WORKSHOP which I found to be wonderfully relaxing as well as spiritual.

The second was a RESTORATIVE WORKSHOP which focused on so many ideas.  I was amazed to discover that I had really healed myself since July.   One pose and its discussion centered on forgiving yourself and those who had wronged you.  Without knowing this, I had done just that.  I forgave myself for constantly teaching and adapting appropriate social behaviors to him.   He was never going to learn it because he didn't want to.  I forgave him for being the way he was, because in the end, it destroyed his relationship with me.

Out of this forgiveness came a new life for me filled with wonderful experiences.  I can fly and land anywhere.  I have become a teenager again.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this awesome day.

GRATEFUL FOR INTENTIONS

I am grateful to the Almighty for making sure that I learned about yoga so that I can set intentions.

My intention for Shabbos is to have a calm, cool, collected evening. I intend to play with the dog, read and laugh.

I intend to go to services of Shabbos and then attend, NOT ONE but TWO yoga workshops.

I intend to have a wonderful Shabbos!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE NEW ME

I am grateful to the Almighty because after many months of work, I saw the fruit of my labor.

A new "ME" has emerged.  I AM STRONG. I AM CAPABLE.  I CAN COPE WITH ANYTHING WITH A SMILE AND THE ALMIGHTY IN MY HEART.

I saw a new person emerge during the holidays.  I was comfortable in my own home.  I was capable of silence and joy.  I was capable of relaxing and showing energy.

The most impressive thing to me was that I did not have a strategy or a plan.  I just existed.  I think I really internalized the belief, I HAVE JOY,  I HAVE ENERGY,  I WILL HAVE A GOOD DAY!   And I did.

Thank you, Almighty for getting me to this point.

I'm proud of me.

Back at work now.............................

GRATEFUL FOR AN AMAZING ACCOMPLISHMENT- I GET 100%

I am grateful to the Almighty for an absolutely amazing accomplishment.  

If I had planned this, I could not have done a better job.  As you know I took my Personal Days for the holiday.  He obviously made a decision to have very little to do with me for the duration of the holiday.  I could tell it in his voice when he arose.  I had no reaction at all.   I listened as he spoke pleasantly on the phone to the girls and his brother's wife.  I was interested in seeing how long this would last, but I went about doing everything that I usually do.  I guess that I was supposed to react, but I didn't want to.  There really was nothing to say.

I guess that e couldn't take it anymore because today he yelled about something.  Again, I didn't react.  He went back to being quiet.

I had a delightful holiday.

I could get used to this.

Thank you Almighty for this "TEST" which I got 100% on.

GRATEFUL FOR THE GIFT OF TIME

I am grateful to the Almighty for the gift of time.

I was at services today for the second day of the Shavout holiday.  We did the Yizkor service which had a prayer that talked about the gift of time.

I realized that I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me the gift of time.  

He has given me the time to find out who I really am.

He has given me time to understand how to relate to others, those who wish me good but especially those who wish to make me unhappy.

He has given me time to realize that I have a right to be happy.

He has given me the time to enjoy myself.

I will not waste a single moment of this gift.

GRATEFUL FOR THE POWER OF STILLNESS ON SHAVOUTH

I am grateful for the power of stillness on a Shavouth holiday that I took off from work.

Last night, I went to the synagogue study session and met 2 friends there.  I really found it very stimulating.   I enjoyed services a great deal this morning.  I was able to walk because the weather, although it threatened, really didn't rain.

I must compliment myself because he is trying very hard to be indifferent, uncaring.  He is trying to use baiting to get me to say SOMETHING,  ANYTHING that could start a confrontation.

Stillness is the way to go and it works.

I am off to take a private yoga lesson which I regard as medicine when dealing with this situation.

I am extremely proud of myself.  I have learned a great deal this year and am so comfortable and happy with myself.  Stillness is so relaxing.  I feel like a teenager.  I do what I want and just do not care.  There is no mother to punish me!!!!

Thank you Almighty for the continued gift of stillness.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING ALIVE

I am so grateful to the Almighty for being alive, being healthy and enjoying my life.  

My friend said it best yesterday when he said that it's like being a teenager with no mother to control you.  This is what I have been feeling, but couldn't put it into words.

I am STILL when I have to be.   I feel ONLY the good wolf.   I accept CHANGE and go with the flow as in RIVER POSE.

As a result, I have so much more time to look at the world in meditation and enjoy my life.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this awakening!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR KNOWING MYSELF

I am grateful to the Almighty because I finally know who I am.   I know what I like. I know what I don't like.  I know myself.

I had a very enjoyable weekend because of this.   I was not afraid to show him the stores that I shop in on Friday.  I enjoyed having lunch with him too.  I had no expectations.  I had no dreams.  I enjoyed the moment.

I enjoyed services on the Sabbath.  I really liked siting with friends listening to the guest female Rabbi speak to us and I liked the luncheon.

Then I enjoyed walking and reading my book.

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  I liked the fact that my doggie gave me a gift.  I appreciated the gift from Lady Foot Locker that I asked for.  I loved the SHANTI that I wore.  I enjoyed the strategies that I created.   I had made the dinner plan at 6PM to give myself a day.  I walked.  The weather was beautiful.   I went to my yoga class.  I drank Dunkin' Donuts coffee while I read the newspapers.  I went on the computer.  I read my book.

Then it was time to leave to go out.  I positioned myself in a place where I didn't have to say too much to anyone at dinner.   I had created a strategy for no gifts from the girls and that equaled no pain.  It also equaled no yoga mat cleaner or post-its.

I was very satisfied when I got home.  Although I was sorry that in a family, one needs all these strategies,  the night with the them was successful.

 I moved forward today to live in the moment.

I am grateful to the Almighty because I know myself and know what I need.

GRATEFUL FOR THIS YEARS MOTHER'S DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for making my dreams come true this MOTHER'S DAY.

Matzah gave me a cute gift to be used in coffee.

Martin gave me the gift card that I wanted to LADY FOOT LOCKER.

I walked for 2  hours.

I took a wonderful yoga class.

I read NEWSDAY and THE NEW YORK TIMES.

I am going to read my book later.

There will be no gifts from them because I didn't want any. I asked for a donation to be made to a charity.  After last years gifts, I didn't need more yoga mat cleaner or post-its.    Dinner will be in Astoria at 6 after the day is done. It won't be like last year where I wanted a day and they had to rush home on a train.  I get to leave and go home. 

There will be no drama like last year. 

I am in charge of me and am grateful to the Almighty for this day!!

GRATEFUL FOR A WONDERFUL SHABBOS

I am grateful for this wonderful Shabbos.

Services were very spiritual.

The women's luncheon discussing 50 Shades of Gray in the Bible was wonderful.  I sat with all of my friends and really had a good time.

I am living in the moment and enjoying it all.

Thank you Almighty for this wonderful Shabbos!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A BEAUTIFUL DAY AND A LOVELY WEKED TO COME..............

I am grateful to the Almighty for this beautiful day.  The weather is like summer. 

 I am at a Curriculum Meeting sitting with my "curriculum friends."  I have compensation time afterwards and I'm very excited.

I'm going to walk too!!!!!

I came home and we went out to lunch.   I was surprised when I was allowed to order wine without his carrying on.  I got my rings cleaned in the jewelry store and there was no carrying on.  I picked up my cleaning and there was no carrying on.

The dream is not back.  I live in the moment and I enjoyed the afternoon.

I'm looking forward to a wonderful Sabbath!!

GRATEFUL FOR SUCCESSFUL IDEAS

I am grateful to the Almighty for having an IDEA and acting on it, and making it a SUCCESS.

I went to PASTA NIGHT by myself and hooked up with a guy friend and gal friend and had a really wonderful time.   My excuse for not taking him was his emotional issues and the food he couldn't eat. My excuse was also that no husbands came.

I did not need him working the crowd.   I know who he is and accept it.   I'm myself and proud of me.   

After PASTA NIGHT, I went to a bar with a guy friend and enjoyed myself greatly.

I had planned not to take him.   I instituted the plan and was a success.  

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.  I know that the Almighty is smiling because He is no longer frustrated with me.

GRATEFUL FOR ANOTHER PAGE OF MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for another page in my new life.

I was worried yesterday about the fact that the school year is rapidly coming to a close.  The summer would be his time to carry on.  However, in Restorative Yoga, last night, Dawn discussed the importance of CHANGE.  She said that change is good and that we make it happen.  At the close of the class, she spoke of each of us being in charge of our minds, our hearts and our voices.

Suddenly this rang a bell in me.  School is ending.  This represents change.  Change can be really good and in the case of the summer, very relaxing.  I am in charge as to whether I speak or not and that was very important.  Nothing can happen unless I allow it.  Certain conversations will just not happen.

On a brighter note, the Sisterhood meeting where we made streudal was a lot of fun and a lot of laughing.

Tonight is PASTA NIGHT.  I didn't invite him.  There was no reason to share my life with him.

I am grateful to the Almighty for another really informative page in my new life.

GRATEFUL FOR TONIGHT'S ACTIVITIES

I am grateful to the Almighty for tonight's activities.

After that last entry,I needed to think about the fun filled things that I was doing tonight.

I'm going to my Restorative Yoga class.

After that, I'm making streudal with Sisterhood.

I'm giving my girlfriend a check for Saturday afternoons luncheon at PJC called, FIFTY SHADES OF GREY.  It will deal with sex in the Bible.

Big fun!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for tonight's activities.

GRATEFUL FOR THE PEACE AND QUIET OF MY LIFE

I am so grateful to the Almighty for the peace and quiet that I have in my life.

I have learned the value of stillness these past months and have not given anyone any information of value to taunt me with.   I have toned down my voice when around people who would like to upset me and that leaves them without anyone to confront.  I have learned to tell little white lies quietly in order to protect myself.

I say my mantras each morning after I pray to the Almighty and I am so at peace.

I make no decisions at all involving anything to do with him, leaving him totally in charge.  I do make a secondary plan for myself in case whatever he promises, doesn't happen.

I knew that despite everything, I would have to do MOTHER'S DAY, but it has now been done MY WAY.  I didn't need mat cleaner.  A donation to a charity was fine.  I didn't need an entire day.  Dinner late in the day was fine.  I didn't need them in my home.  Going was better.  I went with the flow when I was told that if Shula invited her to dinner, she would go and I wold get leftovers.  I gave no one control, emotion or feelings.

I am grateful to the Almighty for the serenity and peace that I feel!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR SO MANY NEW THINGS

I am grateful to the Almighty because I have learned to live in the moment.

As such, I can enjoy life with whomever I'm with.

I have also learned to tell little white lies for my own benefit.

I have learned the value of stillness.

All this has helped me to come home and enjoy my life.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING GROUNDED

I am grateful to the Almighty because I was grounded all weekend as well as Friday, the day that I took off from work.

I had a wonderful time because I was grounded.  I knew exactly what I had to do and I enjoyed each exciting activity.   I did so many fun things for myself that I had planned to do.

I knew exactly what to expect from him because I was grounded in reality.  This made it a wonderful weekend because I knew exactly what to say and what not to say.  I knew exactly what he would do, even though I didn't know when it would happen.  

Thank you Almighty for teaching me to always be grounded in reality!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY MEMORY

I am grateful to the Almighty because he has given me such an incredible memory!!!!

Yesterday, he said very nice things to me, especially about why I should retire.  But, it was like turning the clock back one year.  These things have been said to me before and they are just like the "BAIT" before the "ATTACK" and then "GOTCHA."    I just said that I've heard these things before and I cited examples, and then we will see.  For him, it's all about spending time with me before he dies.  But, didn't we spend a lifetime together, most of which was spent in my tears and swollen eyes?

Moving on...............the past will only bring depression.

Today is a beautiful day.  I'm up early and have already straightened the house up. I'm off to walk.  My intention today is to begin to practice quieting my mind and go with the flow of life.


Thank you, Almighty, for my memory.

GRATEFUL FOR SO MANY THINGS

I am grateful to the Almighty for so many things.

I am ever so grateful that I am not the same person that I was last year.  I know this, because as I review last years entries, I realize how upset I was.  I was still being manipulated in that he would have long, decent periods where I thought that he had changed.  It never happened.  He would play, "GOTCHA" with me.  This culminated in his horrific act of July 31, 2012, a day that will forever live in infamy.

This year, I know who he is and who I am.  The "old dreams" have been put to rest or "pruned" and new dreams have taken their place.   I no longer need strategies because I believe in the beauty of stillness and it works.

It was a beautiful Shabbos today.  Services were spiritual and chatting with friends was a lot of fun.

I am grateful to be invited to so many things.  Tuesday night, I'm going to make streudal with Sisterhood after my restorative yoga class.   Big Fun!!! 

I have to bring a check for next week's Sisterhood Luncheon.   Another Big Fun!!!

Today, I'm going to take a walk.  The weather is beautiful!!!!

Good Shabbos to all!!!

Thank you Almighty for this wonderful day!!!

GRATEFUL THAT THE DAY THAT I TOOK OFF WAS WONDERFUL!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me a really nice evening last night and a nice day today.

I went to the mall with him last night because I needed sneakers. Lady Foot Locker has closed in the Walt Whitman Mall.   We went to dinner at Cheesecake Factory and he was very appropriate. Not that I believe that he is going to stay this way, but for the evening, it was lovely.

This morning, I walked for 2 hours and then I went to a wonderful Restorative Yoga class that is now taught by Dawn.  The things that she says are so enlightening while we hold the poses that I learn a lot.  Todays theme was, LETTING GO."  The way she explained it was wonderful.  She compared, letting go of that which doesn't serve you, as pruning a tree and getting rid of branches that you no longer need.

I also liked the breathing exercise which was described as, "JUST" (INHALE) "THIS" EXHALE.   I enjoyed the MOUNTAIN BROOK pose which had human elements.  You just have to give in and let life flow. As that happens, old dreams fade and new ones grow.  Excellent idea.

I met him for breakfast and again, he was appropriate.   I went to Cindi's and to the bank to move money around.   

I called him from the bank to ask if he wanted to take Matzah to a dog park with me.  It was very pleasant.

I do not believe that he has had a change of heart.  He is very manipulative and you don't know what is coming next.   

Yoga has taught me to enjoy the moment and that is exactly what I did!!!!

GRATEFUL BECAUSE I MADE IT THREW THE RAIN

I heard the Barry Manilow song, I MADE IT THROUGH THE RAIN,  this morning on the car radio.

I am so grateful to the Almighty because this has happened to me...............AGAIN!!!  I made it through the rain.

I created a new, happy, calm, quiet, still life for myself with the help of the Almighty.

I am so grateful for his caring and guidance.

GRATEFUL FOR ANOTHER NEW PAGE

I am so grateful to the Almighty for another new page in my life.

I took a Restorative Yoga class with Dawn last night and we did RIVER POSE.  Her theme last night was that we as yogis should learn to let things go. With that she used the pose to explain that we must learn to let life flow and enjoy the moment.  I thought that this was a wonderful idea because it is what I have been trying to do.   She also spoke of giving up old dreams that have not worked out and begin to create new dreams.  As she speaks, you have to hold the poses and I could have cried in the one that I was holding because that is exactly what I have been doing until I finally realized that I have created a new life.

I have also created calmness, stillness and tranquility in myself and it is a beautiful thing.

Things happened yesterday to make me aware of all the changes within me. They also showed me that life has to flow its own course and I can't stop it.  I may not have to sell the condo after all, because Steve is stepping down as President and perhaps Kevin will stop harassing us.  He can keep his money.  There is no reason to purchase something else as the dreams with him are long gone.  I thought that I would have to go out east  Memorial Day Weekend  because the Peconic Winery Club was having a barbeque.  But, they are closing and so I was saved again.  Leslie is going on vacation so that I can attend Pasta Night, without him of course, without wearing yoga clothes.  Lastly, he doesn't know what to do about inviting Izzy on Father's Day and I gave suggestions but told him that this was not my decision to make.

Life has become a vacation. I am very grateful to the Almighty for this new page.