I am grateful to the Almighty for leading me to MINDFULNESS MEDITATION.
I have had trouble cutting my losses. I have done so with him. However, it is more difficult with the older one. After all, I gave birth to her. However, environmentally, she is just like him even though she was conceived by artificial insemination. I have held on too long to a relationship that doesn't exist, except in my mind.
It is time to cut my losses. I was wrong with my decision that we could be friends. She wanted every other woman in the town EXCEPT me. She made clear that she didn't value anything that I valued and yet I did not cut my losses. The behavior is often described as, "throwing good money after bad." I didn't want to feel that I had been wrong when my decision led to an undesirable outcome. I continued this type of behavior even though we had July 31, 2012. This week, I tried to share that he was verbally abusing me and how exhausted I was. She hung up on me and never re-visited the discussion. She had made her choice. She had chosen him and I finally accepted it. It was time to cut my losses.
Through the years, I wasted time ( sleepovers at her apartment, come to the condo) in an attempt to regain my initial investment. In other words, I refused to take, "NO" for an answer. She finally stopped inviting me to sleep over because I didn't want to take her neighbor to dinner. We could not go to town on Saturday night at the condo because she might see a neighbor that she wanted as her mother. She stopped coming.
Mindfulness meditation is my attempt to make more rational decisions by considering the information in the present moment. I will not focus on the past or future. This will lead me to less negative emotion and will finally give me the ability to let go. Once I let go, as with him, there is no going back. This time, for my own health, I will do it.
I am grateful to the Almighty on this, the Sabbath before winter break for showing me mindfulness meditation.
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