GRATEFUL FOR HITTING BOTTOM

July 31, 2012 was the worst day of my life, but looking back, it also was the best day.

I an grateful to the Almighty for hitting bottom because there was no other way to go but up and that is exactly what I did.   I re-made myself.   I am not the same person that I was with certain people and I will never be that way again.

I have really internalized what the psychiatrist told me.  When he sets up a dialogue that you don't wish to have, leave.......the room, the house..........   I have added to that the concept of not responding.  You can't have a confrontation when the other person is quiet.

Quiet has given me the ability to explore new things that will make me happy.  Quiet has given me the ability to explore myself emotionally and spiritually.  Quiet has given me much more time to enjoy my own life.  Quiet has reduced my depression and anxiety.

If July 31, 2012 had not happened life would have gone on as usual.  I would have been his victim.  I would have been emotionally bullied.  I would have very little time as my time would have been consumed in trying to "teach him and please him."  There would have been no time for me.  There would have been no exploration.  I would not have grown.  He would have continued to set up situations to bully and abuse me.

I hit bottom and I now have the freedom to be me.

I hope that the Almighty continues to be by my side so that I can enjoy life.

As we move into this new year, the year 2013, I will with the Almighty's help, continue to be quiet so that I can explore and grow!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE CHANGES IN ME!!!

Thank you, Almighty for the changes in myself.

Without your help, this would not have happened.

I am now calm, cool and collected and ready for anything.

The people around me have not changed, but I know what to expect from them and it has made my life easier. Quiet has allowed me to have so much more fun.

Thank you Almighty for your help.

GRATITUDE FOR A WEEK OF FUN!!!!

Thank you Almighty for a wonderful week filled with all sorts of fun-filled activities.   

I am so grateful to you for watching over me.

I hope and pray that you continue to do so always!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR A BIRTHDAY AND A WONDERFUL WEEK

Thank you Almighty for giving me this blessed birthday and this wonderful week.  At the rate I was going, I didn't know if I would reach this day.

Thanks so much for shaking me up and being there for me always.

I will continue to make you proud of me!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE SOUND OF RAIN

I am grateful to the Almighty for the sound of rain that I listened to as the Nor'Easter came last night.  It showed that I was in the present and was enjoying nature.

I am enjoying my vacation because of it's beautiful peace and quiet.  I am loving the things that I do.

It is my mantra:  I have joy!!!!   I have energy!!!!   I will have a good day!!!!

I am so much healthier as a result of the quiet.   

I am grateful to the Almighty for all the good in my life.

GRATEFUL FOR COMPOSURE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my composure today.   It has been 5 days since I started my wonderful vacation and I almost let my guard down with him.   I told him that I didn't want to go to the jewelry store and he asked me why.   I was almost all set to tell him, when I decided not to and went for a walk instead.  The walk lasted 2 and 1/2 hours on a raw and cold day. That's making lemonade out of lemons.

I am grateful to the Almighty that I said nothing because if I did, it would have started something that I would have regretted and he would have taken delight in.......a fight!!!    Then it could have blown sky high.

He is very uncomfortable with the periods of silence in this relationship.  Basically, after the chores are done, it is quiet and I get to read and listen to music.  I text friends.  This isn't what he wants.  His joy is bantering and having me again try to "teach" him.  That's over!!!

I'm loving this new "un-relationship!!!"  I am grateful to the Almighty for it.

GRATEFUL FOR JOY

I am so grateful to the Almighty because he has allowed me to see the joy in my life and has allowed me to develop more interests that give me pleasure.

Thank you, Almighty!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR APPRECIATING THE DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because I appreciate each and every day.   I think about my mantra, "I  HAVE JOY!!  I HAVE ENERGY AND I WILL HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!  Then I proceed to have a good day.

Yesterday for example I did so many fun things that I decided to do and that I enjoyed.  I walked.  I went to yoga!!!  I went to WEIGHT WATCHERS which finally re-opened.  I got a wonderful mani-pedi where my ring fingers are a holiday red and the rest are green.


Today, I walked and I'm off to yoga again.

I love my life and my routine and am very happy.

Thank you Almighty for this day!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY SUCCESS

This morning it was beautiful and as I was walking, my usual two hour walk, I began to think about how successful I have been throughout life and how the Almighty has made that happen for me.

Despite the dysfunctional home that I came from I was able to get excellent grades and go to Queens College. Excellent grades there led me to my first position as an educator in a wonderful school and district.  I even taught at Hillside Hospital.  After children and after my mother passed away, I went to work for Lincoln Hall, first as an educator and then as a supervisor.  Lincoln Hall paid for my education.   When the program closed, I came to BOCES, again, first as an educator and then as a Curriculum Coordinator, where I have my own office complete with a bathroom.

I have been blessed with a love of my religion.   I was active at the Bellerose Jewish Center and now am a respected member of the Plainview Jewish Center.  I attend services regularly and am involved in many activities.  Despite having very dysfunctional children due to his sterility and artificial insemination,  I was able to build my reputation back after the dysfunctional children tore it apart.

I believe that the Almighty looks out for me daily and for that I am very grateful.

I have been blessed with good health, again, thanks to the Almighty.

I have been blessed with loyal friends.

I achieved a beautiful home and a lovely condo.

I enjoy my hobbies:  walking, meditating, yoga, book clubs, Sisterhood activities, select television shows.

I am having a good life and have had many successes.

I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MISERABLE BEHAVIOR OF THE MATE I HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO MARRY OR THE ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION CHILDREN THAT I GOT.   I DID MY BEST TO SHAPE THEM INTO APPROPRIATE PEOPLE, BUT I HAD NOTHING TO WORK WITH.

I am proud of my successes and can do nothing about my failures.  I am not responsible for them.  I was a wonderful role model, that they chose NOT to follow!!!!

I am so grateful to the Almighty because he allowed me to be a success.

LOOKING BACK WITH GRATITUDE

As I look back at the year, I am so grateful to the Almighty  for the many things that I have learned.  I am no longer the person that I was, yet, I haven't changed.  This may seem like a contradiction, but it really isn't.

I am still the same happy, motivated, joyful person that I always was, but now I am selective as to who I share this with.   If I don't care about you, I'm quiet.  If I care about you,  I'm very happy to see you and chat with you.

I read something at services today that amazed me.  It was the last section of the trilogy of Joseph.  It explained that the Almighty can't change a person from doing bad things to another.  However, the Almighty protects the ones that need protection.  I was amazed by this, because I have felt this year that the Lord is protecting me.

Thank you Almighty for your care and protection and may you always be there for me.

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR MY LIFE

Almighty, you must have been so frustrated with me, that is, if the Almighty does get frustrated.  I wasn't getting it.

However, now I do get it.   I know what to do.  I know that I'm comfortable with how you want me to be.  You were right, as usual.

Thank you so much for not giving up on me!!!!!

I am grateful to you for my entire life!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY CHECKUP

I am thankful to the Almighty for my wonderful checkup.

How can I thank the Almighty for this? I thought about this a great deal.  I believe that he wants me to take the lessons that I have learned and move forward so that I will never be caught again.  He wants me to have a happy life.  He wants me to try new things.  He wants me to be good to myself.

I promise to do the best that I can to live up to this.  I will start tomorrow in synagogue to thank you.

GRATEFUL FOR CONTROL OF MY OWN LIFE

I am so grateful to the Almighty for giving me the control of my own life.  How wonderful that is!!   How calming that is!!!

He is beside himself with rage.  He claims that this is not working out!!

I am in control of me.  I have a life.  I do interesting things.  I purchase what I need, when I need it.   I have friends.  

I don't do things with people who have abused me.   I don't need their presents or their presence.  I don't need to discuss it either.

I'm proud of myself.

I  have figured this out with the help of the Almighty.

Thank you.

GRATITUDE FOR MY LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my life.  Sometimes, I get rather sad because I would have liked to have married a friend instead of the enemy that I am married to.

At those times, I have to have strength to be able to remind myself of all my positive accomplishments.

Thank you, Almighty, for my strength.

GRATEFUL TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO MOVE FORWARD

I thank you Almighty for the ability to be strong.   I'm still thinking about what he said to me Friday night.  It's so horrific, but it makes so much sense if you think back to all the things that he tried to do to me.

The truth is that he tried and failed.  Although I didn't have a husband or a quality mate, I had a good life.  Who knows what is in store for me now?  This is not to say that  I want another partner, because I don't.

I just want to have fun and I will.

Thanks for making me strong enough to accept challenges and move forward!!!

GRATEFUL FOR HAPPINESS

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me the gift of happiness. I am a happy person.  I am interested in all aspects of life and what it has to offer.  

When I have sadness in my life, I often try to look for the silver lining.  I create strategies to deal with the bad things that can happen.

Yesterday, I asked him why he does things to hurt me.  The answer was shocking and I am still amazed at it.  I repeated it to my friends and my daughters.   He knows that he is an unhappy person and that I am usually happy.  His aim is to make me as miserable as he is.

Those were his exact words.

Thank you Almighty for the gift of happiness


I'm happy because I will survive this also.   

I'm so glad that I know this now before I even think of retirement.

I definitely won't buy a bigger condo now.

Thank you Almighty for providing information before more damage was done.

GRATEFUL FOR STRENGTH AND ORGANIZATION

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me strength and organization.  You might ask how these two things connect.

I have to live with him and get through all the rotten things that he puts me through.  Organization helps me to structure the day so that I have a purpose and can look forward to things.  That, in turn, gives me the strength to carry on.

I can't look at him.  I know that the prank phone calls will stop now that I got the girls involved. But, I know that he will try something else.

Last night, during dinner, I asked him why he tries to hurt me.  He told me that he is upset that his life hasn't worked out and he wants me to be as upset as he is.  What can one say to something like that??  The only solution is not to dig a deeper hole and get more deeply involved with him.  I must continue to be quiet, as I'm trying to do.

I am grateful that the Almighty has given me strength and fortitude.

GRATEFUL FOR CHILDREN

I am grateful to the Almighty because my children finally heard what he has been doing to me and will continue to speak to him.


Yesterday's incident involves them and for that reason, I will now get back-up.

I am grateful for this.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am so grateful to the Almighty for my new life.  I love all the things that I do and the friends that I have.

I know how to deal with him without thinking of the strategies.  They have been internalized. For example, last night, in the car, which seems to be his spot for confrontation, he wanted to say something about the friend that we all know he is pranking.  Quietly, I said something else and then never got back to what he wanted to say.

Last night, I went to yoga and then to a wonderful film entitled, POWER OF BRO' with a discussion and reception afterwards.

Today, after work is a manicure and I need to get to the mall for makeup and to Michael Kors.

My new life is good.

Thank you Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR COURAGE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my courage.

He has started to prank my friends again.   I told him this in a non-emotional voice.   I did not let him bait me.

I was a bit nervous doing this, but I did it and was proud of myself.

I did something this morning that also showed my courage.  I called my girlfriend and asked her to de-friend my older daughter on FACEBOOK.    I asked her to tell her children the same thing   I then called my other girlfriend and asked her to do the same.   I then called my older daughter and told her why this was being done.  I did it in a calm, unemotional voice.  She agreed.

Thank you Almighty for my courage.

GRATEFUL FOR KEEPING MY COOL

I am grateful to the Almighty for keeping my cool in the face of adversity.

 By this I mean that I don't raise my voice no matter what is said to me.  I must tell you that this is very difficult for me to do.  It's probably the reason that I am not getting quality sleep as my sub-conscious plays tricks on me.  But, I imagine that if I keep up the good work, my conscious will get used to it.

He got his money yesterday and proceeded to tell me that he wanted to sell our house and buy a huge condo.   I listened quietly.  Gone was the dream of the condo on the East End.   I was sad.  I didn't let on, but cried quietly at night.

This morning I started to build a new dream for me because it seems that when I include him in my dreams, the dream fails and he feels control over me.   My dream is simple.  I will vacation at Montauk Manor and I will join the pool this coming summer, if the Almighty lets me be healthy.

He was upset that I didn't want to go out with the "children" for my birthday.  I didn't let on the reason, but you and I both know what happened in the summer.  I don't need gifts from them.  I've had my fill of mat cleaner, post-its, websites and Amazon books.  Quiet is the best gift that I can give myself.  

We are very different.  I have given up trying to fit a round peg into a square whole.  I tried and I tried for years and it didn't work.  I'm moving on.

He's upset that he couldn't create an issue and do what he did in the summer.  

I have kept my cool and I'm proud of myself.

Thank you, Almighty!!!

GRATEFUL FOR BEING A NON-RESPONDER

I am grateful to the Almighty for being in charge of myself.  It's not easy to do this as it requires a lot of strength and fortitude not to respond to him.  Thanks to the Almighty, I'm doing very well.  I enjoy my weekends and when he tries to start, I shut him down by being quiet or leaving the room.  Occasionally, I will answer, but in a very quiet voice.

I have studied him carefully, to be aware of what he tries to do.  Here are his topics:

l. I'm sick-  He will run the CHF forever as well as the cancer.  I'm smiling as I write this.  He has come up with the fact that pacemakers and defibulators move,  that his hip hurts, that his bones hurt.  It's meant to give me anxiety and when I open my eyes wide, to listen, but not to respond, he moves on.

2. Comments about the daughters-  He will try to run negative comments about the daughters, the other parts of the Triad, to goad me.  I don't respond.

3. Comments about how I can't cope-  He will tell me that he worries about me.  That is supposed to be emotional, but I respond by telling him that I'm capable and will learn.

4. Comments dealing with hating people or things-  He will tell me that he hates Newsday, Jeff, the neighborhood, the lab, all in an attempt to get me to comment.  I don't anymore.

I am grateful to the Almighty for understanding this so that I can proceed with my own life which is filled with friends, classes, yoga, book clubs, services, walking, work and life!!!

GRATEFUL THAT EVERY DAY IS A FINE DAY

Thanks to the Almighty because everyday is a fine day in my life.  It's a day for me, created by me with the help of the Almighty.

I took a beautiful and energetic walk this morning for 2 hours and soon I will be off to yoga.

I have learned to play the Triad's games and have beaten them at the games with silence and quiet.  I have even learned to reflect back what they do.  I'm sure that my non-emotional status bothers them.  But, they no longer matter in my life.

Life is good.

Thank you Almighty

GRATEFUL FOR GOING TO SERVICES

I am grateful to the Almighty because I went to services today and heard a wonderful sermon.  The text in the Bible spoke of Joseph being sold into slavery and how he coped with adversity.  The Rabbi spoke of being realistic and facing what is in front of you.

That is exactly what I try to do daily and it is making me a much calmer person as I no longer create make believe dreams and then get disappointed when they don't happen.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I am grateful to the Almighty for helping me to realize my new life.  I am enjoying my life so much more.    

I am grateful to the Almighty for a good checkup at the periodontist.

I loved the school fundraiser at the comedy club.  I really enjoyed myself.  I brought him so that I could drink and I did.

I am grateful for acceptance of friends.  I am judged by who I am.  The Triad is not part of my life.

I am grateful that I developed what I call, my phony voice which I used when he told me that the older one wanted to celebrate my birthday.   I had decided months ago, after that fateful day in July, that I would not celebrate with them.  I have learned to give phony reasons also.  In my phony voice, I said that I would love to, but, taking a reason from the older one, I'm Soooooo busy!!!  That's all I said.  The implication, I'm sure was understood,but there is nothing that they can do about it.

I am in control of my new life and it feels wonderful.   Never again to be upset and hurt by them.  Never again to spend so much time explaining things.

This has given me a new life and I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR GIVING UP FALSE DREAMS

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving up dreams that will never happen.  Sometimes, I get a bit sad when I visualize these dreams, but then, I move forward.

This has allowed me to really enjoy the life that I have.   Last night, I enjoyed dinner out with book club friends and really found myself laughing.   I enjoyed the book club also.

I'm finding that more and more, I'm happy with my life and I'm not lamenting that this is a substitution for what I really wanted.   

Those dreams are rapidly receding. Sometimes they return, but not with the intensity that they once had.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING TO DECEIVE PEOPLE

I am grateful to the Almighty for finally learning to deceive people that I don't care about.  It's a skill that I never had, but, one that I will work on because it will help me to have a happy life.

One of the Triad texted me that she misses the dog. I'm sure that this means that she wants to be taken out to dinner again with her boyfriend.   This one has a boyfriend that he hates.   Initially, when I told him about this request, I thought that he would be annoyed that he would have to see the boyfriend again.  NOT EXACTLY!!!  He was willing to do it to see her and ready to blame me for not wanting to.

I changed my tune. I told the husband part of the Triad that I liked the boyfriend and couldn't wait to see him again as well as her.

I then texted her that I can't wait to go to Kripala.

I'm enjoying this deception as these people matter to me as I matter to them!!!!

I'll get a decent dinner out of this and I won't have to cook because I have no energy! After all, I'm older!!!!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR FUN

I am so thankful to the Almighty because he has shown me what fun is. 

After work yesterday,  I walked and after dinner I went to a wonderful Restorative Yoga class and then to a Silent Auction run by my Sisterhood as a fund raiser.  I bid on a pig because I wanted to give it to one of our secretaries. To my amazement, when I opened the package, I found a pig frying pan, spatula and wisk brush all in miniature size.

I was so happy this morning to give it to her.

Today, I have a private yoga lesson, dinner with friends and a book discussion. 

What could be better?????

GRATEFUL FOR LISTENING TO FRIENDS

I am grateful to the Almighty for having friends that I listen to.

Last night, I attended my class and had a good time chatting with my friends.

This morning I spoke to friends at work and really learned something.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR THE WEEKEND...TIL SUNDAY NIGHT!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for a wonderful weekend.   Friday night, I finished my book and began another.

 Saturday,  I enjoyed services and kiddish.  I liked walked and enjoyed the film, LINCOLN.   

Sunday, I enjoyed walking, yoga and my Restorative Yoga Workshop.   Then came Sunday night. I have to find a way to cut these discussions out with him.  They aren't good for my health. 

The way to do this is to finalize the conclusion that the dream is dead and move on.  I'm going to work on this and see where it will lead.

GRATEFUL FOR PASSING THE TEST

In school there are lots of tests that we must pass in order to become something in this world.  The same is true of life, I have discovered.  In order to have a simple and happy balanced life, there are many tests that one has to pass.

I am grateful to the Almighty for passing some tests.  Last night, we went to see a film.  On the way, in order to make conversation, I told him about the sad state of affairs of the Rabbis wife. His comment was to ask how an intelligent man could make such a poor decision in marrying  this woman.  My response was to say that sometimes very intelligent people are fooled and only after children come, does the spouse reveal themselves.  He questioned whether I was talking about him.  I CHANGED THE SUBJECT!  However, I got my point across.

This morning, he chose to discuss his hospital stay and how much he has learned from it.  I DID NOT SAY A WORD BUT CONTINUED TO BRUSH MY TEETH.

I showed him pictures of our older one on Facebook in front of a Christmas tree.  He chose to defend her.  I just asked where her boyfriend was.

I am learning that one can speak one's mind non-emotionally as long as one knows when to shut down.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this revalation.

And now it's off to RESTORATIVE YOGA.  I'm not staying home!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR CHANGING VISIONS

I was in synagogue this morning saying my prayers.   I  always read a poem in the back of the siddur that has special meaning for me.

Suddenly, I realized that one of the verses said that you could be grateful to the Almighty for changed visions.  I realized that this was ME!!!!!  I am grateful to the Almighty because I no longer am in mourning for my old life.  It was a life created by a fantasy in my mind.  It NEVER EXISTED!!!!

Instead, I am so grateful for the life, the friends and the activities that I have.  I am grateful for the career that I have.  I am grateful for my health.

I am grateful to the Almighty for making this life possible.   It s a changed vision that I love.

GRATEFUL FOR SHABBOS

I am so grateful to the Almighty for my life.  I am tired today and I'm grateful to the Almighty for Shabbos, a time of quiet and contemplation.

I did many amazing things yesterday.   I got my manicure and then I did my Christmas shopping for school.  My friend cancelled on me because she was ill and I asked him to go out.  Since I like to talk, current events, which my Father did so well was the evenings entertainment.

I came home and read my book for next week's book discussion.

I know how to be quiet and enjoy life, thanks to the Almighty.

Good Shabbos!

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR WAITING TO OVERCOME OBSTACLES

I used to answer everything that he said.   I don't anymore.   I don't answer anything.  It makes my life a great deal quieter as I go about the business of my life.   I am grateful to the Almighty for this, because waiting helps me to overcome obstacles.

I had a wonderful evening.  I had a great yoga private lesson, doing all sorts of twists.  I came home, did chores, ate dinner with him and then went to my synagogue for a wonderful Sisterhood fundraiser.   I came home to read because I need to finish my book for next Wednesday's book discussion.


This morning, he began to try and be annoying.  He started with the garage door and worked his way into the blood test appointment.   I was prepared.  I waited.  I said nothing.

I went to work happily and quietly.  In the past, I would have answered him and we would have been off and running.  I don't do that anymore.   

I am grateful to the Almighty for being able to overcome obstacles.

GRATITUDE FOR LEARNING TO LIE

I'm not in the habit of lying.  Nor am I in the habit of saying that I am tired.  But things happened last night that taught me how to lie.  I am grateful to the Almighty for this new skill.

I was annoyed at things that he said last night.  I did what I had to do.  I was quiet.  I walked out of rooms.  However, that was not going to be enough.  He was going to try and attack me. I came up with, "I'm tired!"  To know me is to know that never happens.  However, with that I was able to read my book and watch my television program.

This morning, I received a text asking what I wanted to do for my birthday.  This usually involves me taking them out and if you think back to Mothers Day and last years birthday, this is not a good idea.  I didn't respond.


Thank you Almighty for the gift of quiet and the gift of lying.

I am grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A NEW LIFE

I wake up daily without feeling any anxiety at all.  I have a new life that I've created and each day brings me joy and energy.  I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

Each day, I think about the things that I will enjoy that day and it makes me smile.

Yesterday I attended my class at the Adult Jewish Institute.   I sat with friends and enjoyed the class.  For me the class was a change as it was a class in the history of Jewish humor.  It was very light and enjoyable.

Tonight, I have Restorative Yoga that I'm looking forward to.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this new life.

GRATEFUL FOR NOT GIVING MY OPINION

I am grateful to the Almighty because  I know when it's impotant to give my opinion and when it is not.  Things that disturb me, that I can't change, I don't have to discuss.

I must admit that at times it is difficult because this is not who I am.  However, if I do speak up with people that I don't trust, I can get myself into lots of trouble.

I choose to be quiet and I've learned how.   Life is a process and this is a new skill to process.  I look at it as a challenge and I'm getting much better at it.

Thank you Almighty for making me aware of quiet so that I can continue to have joy.

GRATEFUL FOR REALIZATIONS

I realized today that I have experienced "joy" during my Thanksgiving vacation.   It was "joy" of my own making.

It was yoga classes.  It was going to synagogue services.  It was walking.  It was reading.  It was breathing.  It was television and movies.  It was music.   It was the quiet when I didn't want to answer questions or make remarks that would lead me down the wrong path.

It was the realization that if he does things to get in trouble, it's his problem and not mine.

I realized that I have created a wonderful life for myself. 

Then I realized that I could retire because I had a life that I loved.

That led me to realize that I no longer have to think about "survival strategies" as I did this past year to keep myself safe.

My new joys and my thankfulness to the Almighty will keep me safe.

That is a wonderful realization.

GRATEFUL THAT THE MOURNING PERIOD IS OVER

This morning in services, I felt completely happy with my new life.    I wasn't angry about loosing the old life.   I wasn't coming up with strategies for the day.    I am calm, cool and collected.  I live in the moment and enjoyed the moment.

I realized that I had gotten rid of the things and the people that didn't serve me.  Some of those people must remain in my life, but they aren't part of my life.  I was embracing my life with grace, gratitude and love.  I felt joy.  I felt energy.  I'm alive in the moment and know that I will have a good day.

I realized that the mourning for my old life and mistaken dreams was over.  I had moved on and I was making new dreams.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR ME

Thank you Almighty for teaching me, although, we both can admit that it took a really long time, to be grateful for myself.

With this new idea in mind, I gave myself a really good day.   I walked for 2 hours this morning. Then I took a TWIST CLASS at my yoga  studio.   What fun that was!!

I rewarded myself for enjoying the Thanksgiving dinner with THE TRIAD plus One, by purchasing new sun glasses.

I am grateful that I am able to really enjoy life.

GRATEFUL FOR THIS THANKSGIVING

I have always done a form of entertaining on Thanksgiving to teach the girls the appropriate way to open your home to others.

This year I decided to move forward quietly with my own life because with this group teaching and learning obviously don't work.   

I truly feel like I am on vacation!   I walked this morning on a beautiful day for two hours.  I went to a GRATITUDE YOGA class at my studio and I did most of the poses with some adaptions in the others.

I learned another mantra that I promise to remember.  IN ORDER TO HAVE HAPPINESS FOR ONES SELF, ONE MUST HAVE GRACE, GRATITUDE AND LOVE.   I am determined to be happy.  

What I have noticed is that without them in my life, I am truly happy.


I am grateful for the insights that I have learned from the Almighty.  I am grateful for this Thanksgiving.

GRATEFUL FOR HEARING

Sometimes, things are said to me that I am just not ready to hear.   It happened to me on July 31st when the doctor was shocked that for "38" years I had tried to explain things to make my marriage better.   It only took ONE SENTENCE for that to change.  That happened when the doctor said, "How long have you been doing this?"  When I answered, he said, "DID'NT YOU KNOW that it didn't work?"   I FINALLY HEARD.  When he told me to leave the room, house, block etc, I heard him.  I've been quiet ever since and my only conversation is a nonsense one.

It happened last night at yoga, at my Restorative Yoga class.  The instructor said, "GET RID OF THE THINGS THAT DON'T SERVE YOU", and I HEARD HER.   That's why thre is nonsense talk and texting.


Tomorrow I have to see them......THE TRIAD.   I have been playing out scenarios in my head and I know what I will do.  Quiet and listening will be the name of the game.  I will enjoy the moment and will not be boxed in to making plans.

It took me a long time to hear.   

Thank you Almighty for keeping me safe.

GRATEFUL FOR DAILY LIVING

Thanksgiving is Thursday.  It is a time that we think back as to what we are grateful for.  I've been keeping this gratitude journal for almost a year and I am grateful to the Almighty for so many things. I write about a few of them daily.

I am grateful to the Almighty for sending yoga my way.  Last night during my private lesson, Leslie spoke of the gift of breathing.  I am grateful to the Almighty for this as well as the blessing of good health which I hope continues.  I am grateful that I have learned to live in the present.  I adore yoga.  Tonight, I will attend my Restorative class.  On Thursday, there is a Gratitude class that I will attend and Leslie invited me to her Friday Level 1 class because she will focus on twists which will help one detox after Thanksgiving.

I was grateful for my Adult Institute class last night.  What fun it was to connect with my friends and to have a class filled with humor.  More than that is the feeling that I get from fitting in which those people who lived in my home NEVER let me experience.

I am ordering a special piece of jewelry for myself today for my special birthday.

I am grateful to the Almighty for the everyday things in my life!!

GRATITUDE FOR QUIET, LITTLE VOICE

I am grateful to you Almighty because I have developed a really cute and quiet little voice which although might be angry and annoyed never lets enemies know what you are thinking.

I am amazed that no one has figured this voice out yet, but either they are really stupid or they don't care about the issue either.

Anyway, it is a cute and phony voice.  I should have thought of it sooner.

Better late than never!!!

Thank you Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW LIFE

I walked this morning on a crisp and cold day in November.  I am grateful to the Almighty for so  many things this weekend:

*  I am all caught up watching Boardwalk.  That was a surprise to me on Friday.

*  I went to services as usual and spoke to all sorts of friends.

*  I walked on 2 glorious days.

*  I went to a wonderful party for my girlfriend.  A party, I might add, thrown by her children.

*  I am going to my yoga class.....



Thank you Almighty for this new life!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR GOING BACK TO SERVICES

The hurricane and its damage are over.  I was so glad to be back at services today.   It was another part of my life that has been restored!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR SUCCESS

It's November 16th and it's getting towards the end of the year.  I always take stock of my accomplishments for the year as I evaluate the positives and negatives of the year.

The biggest negative was what happened to me on July 31st.  However, that also became my greatest positive as it allowed me to move forward with my life and to eliminate those individuals that would be like a cancer in my life. 

The hurricane and its aftermath, although destructive and devastating, allowed me to focus on what a wonderful life I have in that I don't include him in most of my activities or thoughts.  During the hurricane, when we had no power, I was allowed to focus on the life that I created for myself and how much I missed it.  Nowhere did I miss anything that we did together and I had to conclude that I was successful in putting together a life for me.  It's not a lonely life, because everything that I do, I enjoy.


None of this would have been possible without July 31st.  In a sense then, this was the turning point of my life.

Even today, facing a weekend, where on Sunday we will drive out to Riverhead to pick up wine from my wine club, I know that in a heartbeat, he can destroy the joy of this.  I am prepared with strategies in case this happens.  I will be quiet when, as I'm sure it will, it happens.

I have been successful in turning my life around.  My mourning period is over. The WHAT IF'S are gone.  I am moving forward, a single adult with a quality life that I am prod to say, I enjoy!!

I thank the Almighty for giving me this success!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR APPRECIATING MY LIFE

Last week was Super Storm Sandy and my life got taken away from me.  As I tried to create activities to keep myself warm, I started to think about what I was missing in the activities that I do.

I realized that none of the these pleasures included him.  I realized that I had created a new life for myself and on that I was happy with.   I decided to end mourning right then and there and appreciate what I have.

Super Storm Sandy is a storm that I will always remember because it taught me to appreciate my new life.

Thank you, Almighty for making this possible!!!!

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR SURVIVAL

I am grateful to the Almighty for the life that he has given ME.   The choices that were poor were because of the generation I was born into.


THE CHOICES THAT WERE MINE TO MAKE WERE PERFECT.  I THANK THE ALMIGHTY FOR THAT!!!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR BEING BACK AT WORK

Thank you Almighty for this wonderful, normal and wacky day of work.

I am grateful!!!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR NORMAL ROUTINES

Thank you Almighty for bringing my normal routines back to me.  It was like a summer day today.   I walked!!!!  I went to yoga!!!!   I did errands!!!!!

I am happy!!

Thank you, Almighty for my life.

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

Thank you, Almighty for a wonderful day.   I really appreciate the life that you have given me.  I have learned so much.

I had a good day today.  I went back to Yoga and even got gas!!!!!   I have learned what is important and what isn't.  I have learned who is important and who isn't.

Thank you, Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A LESSON LEARNED THE HARD WAY

I definitely remember and learned from what happened to me on July 31.  Today, the same girlfriend called to say that someone was making appointments for her.  Naturally he was a suspect.

I told him this.  He was furious at me and tried to confront me.  To my credit, I never raised my voice.  I knew exactly what he would say and didn't want to ruin my day.

I was successful.

Tank you Almighty for a lesson learned.

GRATEFUL FOR SURVIVAL

I am grateful to the Almighty for my survival.   I have learned to deal with him. I know what to say and what not to.

As a result of Hurricane Sandy and the nor'easter, I have learned that I can retire and be happy.

I am.

I am very grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR KNOWING WHEN TO STOP

Remember July 31????????


STOP!!!!!!

Thank you, Almighty!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR WARMTH

I finally did what I have been thinking about all along.  I took my first day off towards retirement.  There is no heat in the house, or lights and I went with Martin to the Marriot and took the day off from work.  A nor'easter is coming too!!!!!

If I'm retiring in June, that's what I needed to do.

I am grateful that I was brave enough to do this!!

Thank you Almighty!!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR MAKING IT THROUGH

Everyday during this crisis, I set up a list of things to accomplish to make it through the day.  I am grateful to the Almighty for watching over me today as I got everything done!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR NEW SCHEDULE

I am grateful because even with this hurricane crisis, I have created a new daily schedule.

Thank you, Almighty for the strength you have given me.

GRATITUDE FOR AN AMAZING WEEK

Crazy hurricanes.........5 days off from work and now 2 more.  Sleeping late, reading.......relaxing.

I am grateful!!! (Even though there is no power.)

Thank You Almighty!!!

There is nothing more to say, but THANKS!!!!!

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR "SANDY"

I am grateful to the Almighty for my awesome weekend!!!!!   I have learned to have joy and not to answer when I have decided will upset or hurt me.   This has given me time to do all the things that I love to do.

I went to services.  I went to kiddush with friends.  I walked.  I went to see the film, THE OTHER SON.   On Sunday, I walked.  I went to yoga.  I read the newspapers.  I went for a manicure and pedicure and out to dinner.

I could do all this because I do not let myself get trapped by ever answering any remarks.

THEN THE BEST THING OF ALL!!!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for creating, SANDY, a monster storm that has everything closed Monday and Tuesday.   So I got to sleep late.    Here I am!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty!!!!!

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR HIS PROTECTION

As I sat in services today, I thought about how grateful I am for HIS protection.

I hope that He continues to protect me!!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR GOD GIVEN REALISM

I am so grateful to the Almighty for the gift of realism.   

Whatever I do or say to "those people," I never let my guard down.  I never believe that they are something that they aren't.   They believe that I have forgotten what they did, but I haven't!!!  I am a different person.  I'm a person who takes care of themselves first.

Thank you, Almighty, for the gift of realism.

GRATEFUL FOR LAST NIGHT

Thank you Almighty for giving me last night.   Yoga was wonderful and it was so great to have a friend to talk to at dinner.

It was the kind of dinner that I thought that married couples have.  It was relaxed.  There was humor and sharing.

This is why I always had to look for these qualities outside of marriage.

GRATITUDE FOR CLARITY OF MIND

I was driving to work today, noticing the color of leaves and all the wonderful Halloween decorations.  I was smiling at the creativity of people.

I realized something very important as I was doing this.   That is, that I am no longer thinking up strategies for my survival with the triad.  I am living in the moment and enjoying my life.  My mind is clear and yes, I am happy.

In the past, I never thought about the beauty of the world around me.  I was too busy keeping myself safe. 

Now I know that I am safe and I can enjoy life.

I am very grateful to the Almighty for this clarity of mind.   It makes my life enriched and beautiful.

GRATEFUL FOR LEARNING TO STRATEGIZE

I am grateful to the Almighty for all the new things that I have learned.   I feel so good about myself.   Ever since July 31, I have learned to think of myself FIRST and that has made my life so much better.

Last night I attended the first class at the ADULT JEWISH STUDIES INSTITUTE. I went by myself to a synagogue that I have never been to before.  I was a bit uncomfortable going alone, but the Almighty gave me the strength.   I sat with friends who were taking the class and I really enjoyed it.   Rather than a serious class, I opted for a lighter one just last night and just walked in to the new class and found many of my friends taking it.  I had told him that I was taking the serious class and saw no reason to update him.   A new strategy has been born!!!!

I came home to get a phone call from my close friend's daughter.  She is planning a GIRLS NIGHT  for  a small group of her mother's friends and I am invited.  I was very happy.


Life is falling into a wonderful pattern and I thank the Almighty for this!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR SILENCE

I want to thank the Almighty for a wonderful weekend!!!   I have learned the gift of silence so that I didn't have to answer anything that I didn't want to.  That made the weekend even better.

As a result of this new way of being, I can truly think of retirement. 

I am so grateful!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR ANOTHER WONDERFUL DAY

Thank you Almighty for giving me the ability to create wonderful days for myself no matter what happens.

Last night, we went to dinner in a little Greek place.  We saw the film WAITING FOR SUGARMAN.  

I took a great walk this morning for 2 hours.  Then I went to my  yoga class.  My Matzah went to PJC for a Celebration of the Animals.   I came home, ate breakfast, read newspapers and went on the computer.

I will be back at Absolute Yoga for a Restorative Workshop this afternoon.

I am having a wonderful day which is part of my mantra:   I WILL HAVE JOY!!  I WILL HAVE ENERGY!!!  I WILL HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!

Thank you Almighty for this blessing!

GRATEFUL FOR A BEAUTIFUL DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for a wonderful service at synagogue and a beautiful day to walk.  It is truly gorgeous outside!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THIS AFTERNOON!!!!

I am so grateful to the Almighty for this wonderful afternoon!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR LAST NIGHT AND TODAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for the wonderful time that I had last night.  What could be better than dinner with friends and a book discussion?  I even got to see a condo in a 55 and older community.

Today, my mantra is to have joy.  I will have energy and I will have a good day.  I'm getting my hair colored and cut.   I can take a ZUMBA LESSON from Sisterhood at PJC.

I do have to say Kaddish for my Father.  Today is the day he died.  I will remember him.  That is the right thing to do.  Many of the qualities that I have came from his side of the family and although difficult, it helped me to survive.

Thank you Almighty for watching over me.....

GRATEFUL FOR A DAY OFF

If I'm going to retire, which I can,  now that I can handle the triad,  I need to know if I enjoy taking days off.

Today I didn't go to work and it was wonderful.  I walked, read newspapers, drank coffee and went to my Yoga Book Club!!!

Tonight I'm going to the Sisterhood Book Club.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my life!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE QUIET

I do not answer what I choose not to discuss and because of that it is quiet.  I know that if pressed to discuss what I don't want to, I can leave the room etc.

This has given me so much more free time.  In the beginning, it was hard to accept the quiet.  I have become VERY COMFORTABLE with it.  As a result of this, I am free to do many enjoyable things.

Yesterday, I got a very funky mani/pedi.  After dinner I went and I took him, because he wanted to go, to Candidate's Night at our synagogue.  I feel so comfortable there.


I am so grateful to the Almighty for my life!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR SIGHT

I am grateful to the Almighty for helping me to see my life.  He must have been frustrated with me because all I was doing was hiding out in a school.  I didn't realize what a wonderful life I could have and the things that I could do.  I didn't realize that I had to "stop" teaching and walk out of rooms.  I didn't realize that I wasn't obligated to do holidays for non-believers.   I didn't realize that it was time to put "ME" first.

NoW I SEE THAT!!!!!   I CAN RETIRE AND HAVE A LIFE!!!.

With this in mind, I sat in my office today, happily working.  I accomplished a lot. However, the most important thing that I accomplished was knowing when the ending would happen.

I don't know what adventures I will have as the years go by. However, I do know that I am ready for them.

I am grateful to the Almighty for not giving up on me and helping me to see myself for who I am.

GRATEFUL FOR WE DID IT!!!!

I had a wonderful day!!!

I am so grateful to the Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR STRENGTH AND FORTITUDE

I am grateful to the Almighty for the strength and fortitude that he has given me in the face of adversity.

As I prayed at services this morning,  I realized how far I have come and how grateful I am for my own life.

GRATITUDE FOR SENDING KEVEN

Thank you Almighty for what you have done for me.    You are truly watching over me and for this, I am so grateful.

Thank you for sending Kevin Mulligan who wants to buy our condo.   I really do not have happy memories there and I wanted the condo to be gone.   It doesn't serve me any longer.  I am searching for things to eliminate that don't serve me any longer.    I didn't want to leave the area and you provided Bath and Tennis.  That is so perfect because I love the beach and I love to read.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR IT DOESN'T SERVE YOU

I am now in the process of evaluating what I do and whether it serves me or not.

Thank you Almighty for the wonderful position that I am in!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR HEARING

Sometimes you just have to be ready to hear something.  Even if this is something that you have heard many, many times you need to be ready.    Then suddenly, it clicks.

Last night, I took my Restorative Yoga Class with Adrienne. She spoke of having an intention.  She spoke of letting go and being in the present.  She said that the past is over and we don't get to change it.   We don't know the future.  All we have is the present.  We should live in the present moment.

I knew that.  But, I would obsess about the past and the anger that I have towards the triad. I would plan strategies for the future.   I would not really live in the present.

 Then Adrienne said to get rid of what doesn't serve you.  It clicked.   I don't have to be bothered with thoughts that don't serve me.  Thoughts about the triad in the past do not help me move forward.  Planning an unknown future is impossible.

Now, when I have a negative thought and it doesn't serve me, I will work at moving on.  I will not allow a thought that doesn't serve me to be there.   I will try and recognize that I don't live in the past and don't know the future.

I will try to be in the moment.

MY MOMENT!!!  NO ONE ELSES!!!!

I'm so happy that I heard this.

Finally I heard this and it will serve me well.

I am grateful to the Almighty for hearing!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR STRENGTH AND FORTITUDE

I am grateful to the Almighty for my life.   I have moved forward and I'm doing so many delightful things that I choose to do.  It tok a lot of strength to get to this point and thanks to the Almighty, I have it.

I have stopped having a pity-party for myself and have moved on to appreciate all that life has given me including good heath, a nice job and friends and activities.

Tonight, I'm going to Restorative Yoga.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR THE GIFT OF YOM TOV!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for the gift of Yom Tov!!!!  The services were very spiritual.  Seeing my friends is always wonderful.

I am grateful for my health and thankful to the Almighty for my life!!!!

GRATEFUL THAT OUR SCHEDULES AREN'T THE SAME

The early morning hours were beautiful and I was able to complete my 2 hour walk.  I  am so grateful to the Almighty for that.  It's a gift in October.   I went to my yoga class and made a plan to have dinner with my instructor at the end of the month.  I put gas in the car and was able to go to Weight Watchers for the month of October.   I even got to go on some errands.

Arriving home, I realized that he was there and strategies would have to begin.  I began to be conscious of my words.  But, shockingly, he had errands to do and I was given more quiet time.

I am so grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR THE SHABBOS OF SUKKOT

I loved today and I'm grateful to the Almighty for it.  From services, to the Sukkot Hop, to friendship and the evening minyon, it was a wonderful day!!!!

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR HAPPINESS

I am grateful to the Almighty for the happiness that I feel about my own life.  I feel good.  I feel in-charge.  I know what the triad is going to do before they do it and I have to laugh. Really nothing gets in the way of what I have decided to do for myself.

I am very grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR EMBRACING MY OWN LIFE

Last night I went to a retirement party of a friend that I work with.  Her entire family was there.  I saw the inter-relationship of all the family members.  I remember the stories that I had heard through the years.  I was very happy for her.  She had made the right decision to retire.

I thought about myself.  I have embraced the new life that I have.  I'm not looking back and regretting anything.  Each of us is given a destiny by the Almighty.  We can' fight fate.  We have to embrace what we have.

My intention is yo do just that.  I believe that for the most part, for most of the day, I succeed.  Every now and then, I might backslide, but then, I pull myself back and say, "why re-visit that?'

I am grateful to the Almighty to be given the opportunity to create a new life for myself.

GRATEFUL FOR THE NEW ME

I didn't realized how my life had changed for the better until I walked into my Restorative Yoga class last night and were greeted by people who asked me where I had been.  I realized that to them this was part of my life.

I realized that I was so busy seeing the negative that I didn't realize how different I was and how rich my life was.  I participated fully in yoga.  Then I went home, said hello to him and proceeded to read my new book.  I've become quiet around him, sharing only what is necessary. I went to watch a television show that I like, never bothering to mention it to him.

Our instructor said something very important in yoga.  She said that we clutter our minds with thoughts that we repeat daily.  I vowed to catch myself when I do that.  That should be a challenge, but I'm up to it.

I am grateful to the Almighty for the new me and more than that, I'm grateful to have recognized this.

Thank you Almighty!!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR FREEDOM

I am grateful to the Almighty for the freedom that I feel in my life.  It's my mantra.  I am free to have joy.  I am free to have a wonderful day.   I am free from everyone else's worries.  I am not in charge of everyone's life, just mine.  Freedom is a wonderful feeling.

I am grateful to the Almighty for guiding me to realize this.

GRATEFUL THAT I HAVE CREATED A LIFE FOR ME

Thank you so much Almighty for my life.   As I go through the different activities of my days, I realize that I have created, with your help of course, a wonderful life and that I can retire and continue to enjoy my life.

I realized this weekend that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT HE CAN DO WILL UPSET ME!!!!!   He did try and failed.  I don't care.

I am so grateful to you, Almighty for not giving upon me!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR AN AMAZING DAY

I went to evening services last night and had a wonderful, spiritual time. I was really happy and was singing the last bars of Bristol Stomp on the way home.  He was outside with the dog and I thought that he wanted the doggie to go for a ride around the block which is why he was outside. Nope!  That wasn't it.  He wanted to scream about the fact that I went to services.

I never raised my voice.  I did not get angry.  He doesn't matter anymore, so why get upset??  I was so pleased with myself.  And yes, we did go out to dinner.  I was proud that I made nothing of it.  I know that's the way he is and I have built another life.

ANYWAY, THIS MORNING HE APOLOGIZED!   I COULD HAVE MADE AN ISSUE AND DISCUSSED IT, BUT I CHOSE NOT TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT!!!

I went on to have an amazing day filled with walking, yoga at the studio and a manicure/pedicure.  I have an entire life without him and I was so proud.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.  May this be only the beginning of a HEALTHY AND INCREDIBLE YEAR!  AMEN!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE RABBI'S SERMON

I have absolutely no idea why the Rabbi decided to speak about how a person confronted with a stressful situation should let the anger go.  The person should earn from that experience and move forward.  I really listened because that is what I try to do.

I was grateful to the Almighty for being able to hear this sermon.  I vow to count my blessings and not mention the triad.

GRATITUDE: LAST NIGHT WAS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW FAR I HAVE COME

I gave him Thursdays to plan an activity for us because I didn't want him in the Jewish Adult Institute causing difficulty on Mondays.  As is usual for him, last week was a success because it was the first one.
This week was different.  I came home and he spent a great deal of time needling me about Hilary.  Did she call me?  Did she text me?  I answered as I usually do, that, to quote Hilary without any anger because I don't care, " it's all about you." Therefore, she calls him daily as she used to call me walking to or from the train.  It's no longer than that.  He persisted and I went about my business.   I never engaged in direct feelings.
At night I wondered why he kept bringing this up.  And suddenly I had it figured out. He did this with Phil and Jeff.  He reminded them of arguments with their wives, arguments that were long gone.  However, he tried to bring back their rage.  This is what he was doing with me and the girls.  I hadn't fallen for it.

This morning I texted Hilary.  She texted me back.  When he speaks to her, he will realize that we spoke because I mentioned the film that we saw last night.  

This will upset him. He was foiled again.

How far I have come.

I am so grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR REALITY

I hope that this New Year will be a good one for me.  I certainly prayed a lot.  I hope that the Almighty heard me and has forgiven me for my sins these last few years since the younger one married Kingsley.

I really enjoyed YOM KIPPUR.  As a matter of fact, I was surprised when it was over.   I learned a lot since July.  I kept my cool these last 2 days when he didn't want to give me my bank account numbers so that I new what to deposit in which account.  Then he arrived at services at 10 and left at 12:30 and my only comment was that I wasn't the "religious police".  I did very well.

I am grateful for understanding the reality of my life and also for really hearing what the Rabbi said in his sermon.  You have to be grateful for what you have and not envy others.

I'm going to work on this. I am grateful for my health, my spirituality, my joy and my energy.  My the Almighty shine on me this year.

Amen!

GRATEFUL FOR THE SPIRITUALITY OF YOM KIPPUR

I was grateful for the beauty of Yom Kippur and the easy fast that I had because I did not have the anxiety of the triad.

May I and all my family be sealed in the Book Of Life, Almighty.  May I remember how to deal with them so they won't hurt me.

Thank you!!!!!

I REVIEWED THE YEAR AND I'M GRATEFUL

It is almost Kol Nidre and as I review the year, I am grateful to the Almighty that I have survived. As a result of what happened to me, I am stronger, am more in control and ready and happy to move on independently with my own life.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.  Without the help of the Almighty, I might have folded, but He made me strong.  I survived what he did to my friends.  I survived all his bantering about my being responsible for his doctor and being loyal to my friends.  I survived what happened in July.  I survived what those girls did to me.

Thanks to the Almighty, I survived it all and I'm different and better.  I rid myself of them for the holidays and am able to really enjoy going to synagogue and the rest of the holiday.  I'm free to be me.  I call the shots for me.   I'm free and it's wonderful.

I am so grateful!!!!!

GRATITUDE BECAUSE THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON

I am so grateful to the Almighty for the things that have happened to me in the last 4 years especially the last 2 months.  These things have made me the INDEPENDENT PERSON that I have become.

AS a result of this, I am able to RETIRE and enjoy my own life.  If NOT NOW, THEN WHEN???

I am grateful that I have my health and my faith in the Almighty!!!

I am excited to retire!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty for this beautiful day.   There is nothing better than to get up in the morning and be able to walk over 2 hours and then go to yoga.

I have joy!!! I have energy!!! I will have a wonderful day!!!!

Thank you, Almighty!!!

GRATEFUL FOR RESTORATIVE YOGA

I am so grateful to the Almighty for allowing me to go to a Restorative Yoga Workshop.  I learned that we are like snakes and have many lives.   We need to do what makes us happy.  Happiness is about having FREEDOM.

I realized as Giselle spoke that I have never had FREEDOM.  Gd willing, in retirement I will.

I was grateful for having attended this workshop!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR REALISM

The summer has definitely changed me.   I am a lot more insightful and realistic.  I no longer create dreams that will not happen.  Therefore, I can't be disappointed.

Last night I did dinner and a movie with him.  That was all.  Dinner and a movie.  I did not feel he would change, life would be better, I was in love, he understood...........or any of that. 

It was just dinner and a movie.

I have moved on.

I'm in charge of me.

I am grateful to the Almighty for finally realizing this.

GRATEFUL FOR BEING IN CONTROL OF ME

I am grateful to the Almighty for allowing me to understand myself.  I am in control of my decisions and I'm very happy.   I can't get over how I re-did the holidays so that I would enjoy them.  I've managed to register for a class at The Adult Institute.  I took my private yoga lesson yesterday.  I don't speak unless I want to.  I am in control.  I received a foolish text from my older one yesterday and will answer it with an equally foolish one.
I am in control of me.

I am grateful to the Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE NEW ROAD

I am grateful for the new road that I am on.  The Holidays were awesome.  They were quiet.  They were spiritual.  They were remarkable.   I did not miss those daughters at all.  I have no pleasant memories of them on holidays.  I did something for myself.

Thank you Almighty for helping me to see the light!!

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY

The holiday was beautiful.   I am grateful to the Almighty for the spiritualness of the holiday!!!!

GRATEFUL TO THE ALMIGHTY FOR NEW DREAMS

I am grateful to the Almighty for this New Year.   It will be beautiful and quiet and spiritual.

The day was wonderful.  I did laundry, walked, went to yoga and had my nails done.  Now I'm preparing for Yom Tov in quiet with gratitude to the Almighty for bringing me to this point.  I'm not the same person that I was and that is a good thing.  I have created a beautiful holiday because of what the triad did in July. It's a holiday of spiritual peace. The Almighty guided me to this point and I hope that he continues to guide me.

May I be inscribed in the Book of Life for a Happy and Healthy New Year. May this happen to my family also.  May I have the strength to withstand all that they try to do to me.

Amen!!!

GRATEFUL FOR SHABBOS

I am grateful to the Almighty for the beautiful Shabbos that I'm having.  It's a pleasure to walk in to services and to sit with friends.  The High Holidays will begin tomorrow night and we worked on where we will sit.

I was going to the morning Minyon all summer and have switched to Saturday night services.  I love the beauty of it all and am so grateful to the Almighty for it.

I was also grateful for my walk this afternoon.  The sky was a beautiful shade of blue and I was able to lay in the sun for over an hour.

I am grateful to the Almighty for the riches that He has bestowed upon me.

GRATEFUL FOR DECISIONS

Retirement is looking a lot better to me.  I know how to handle the triad and I should be fine.

I am grateful to the Almighty for the insights.

GRATEFUL FOR THE DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty because the cold that I had is under control.  

Yesterday was an amazing day.  I enjoyed the yoga, the dinner and the book discussion.  All the librarian did was review a summary of the book and I knew when it was time to leave.

I was delighted that he wasn't home.  I completed all my chores, walked the doggie and read.  I was asleep before he returned.  I never worried.

Today, I'm having my hair colored for the High Holidays which I will truly enjoy without anyone upsetting me.

I have joy!!!  I have energy!!!!   I will have a good day!!!!

I am so grateful to the Almighty for watching over me.

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

My mantra is:  I HAVE JOY!!!!   I HAVE ENERGY!!!!  I WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!

I am so grateful to tell you that I got my new night guard.  My bonding was also fixed.  I knew how to handle dinner conversation.

Today is going to be wonderful.   I have yoga. Then, I'm going for sushi.  I have a book discussion at my library.

As long as I disengage and don't say a lot, life is good.   Let the triad annoy each other.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR UNDERSTANDING

I am grateful that I now understand people.  It makes it so much easier to live and to enjoy life.  There is a calmness to it.  I have no hopes that the triad will get better. I know who they are, what they do and I am grateful for the understanding.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this understanding.

GRATEFUL FOR SUNDAY NIGHT/MONDAY

I am grateful to the almighty because I am definitely learning how to handle the toxic people around me.

I went to the condo with him again because there had been a fire and someone had broken our condo lock.  He was in an exceptionally fine mood, but I was not fooled.  This is just one of his many moods to play, "gotcha."  

I will continue with my quiet voice, always being aware of who is is and what needs to be said and what is left unsaid.

I did realize this morning that it is time to retire.  I am 65.  I will be 65 1/2 when I finally retire.  God willing, I will be healthy.  I will have 31 years and 3 months in the system.  It's time.  I know how to deal with the triad and I will be fine.

GRATEFUL FOR THE WEEKEND

Thanks to the Almighty, this new strategy of a quiet little voice has given me a wonderful weekend.

I was able to finish The Picture of Dorian Grey and begin to read, Unbroken.  On Saturday, I went to services in the morning and then was able to walk.  I spoke to Hilary and finally explained what my life has been like.   I also was able to go to the Selichot services at the synagogue.  For the first time, I went by myself and met up with friends.  I got home at midnight and read for a bit.

This morning, I walked, went to PJC, did yoga, went to Weight Watchers, read the newspapers quietly and even was able to go to the bakery and get my challahs and cake for Rosh Hashana. Now I'm on the computer.

I am grateful to the Almighty for sending me the doctor who explained that my chat-strategy NEVER worked.   Quiet chat about what is right in front on me is the way to go.  It has given me so much more time to do the things that I love.

GRATEFUL FOR MY INSIGHT

I have finally figured him out.  It's about time.   In order to try and control me, every day there will be a new and different mood that he is in.  I'm supposed to react to it.

Initially, I thought up new strategy and the strategies were making me crazy.  Then today, I decided to have NO CHANGEABLE  STRATEGY.   My strategy is simple.  It's a quiet voice and less talking.  It's the enjoyment of the moment.  It's the relaxation of the moment.  It's the calmness that this brings.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my new insight.

GRATITUDE FOR STRENGTH AND PRAYING FOR STRENGTH

It's the first weekend of the new school year.  He has been trying very hard to needle and upset me so that I will get angry.  Then his pattern will be to call 911, the girls and his sister-in-law to carry on about me.  He has already, thanks to one of them given me a diagnosis of BPD.  I will never forget, HI!!!!!!

I have to try very hard this weekend to maintain my "cute little voice" so that he doesn't get to me.

I am praying to the Almighty for the strength to do this.  I think that if I take a deep breathe and know this about him, I will succeed.  I also must remember not to speak when I'm tired and to say that I am tired.  If he makes a new rule, I'm to be quiet until it's clarified like the one about the necklace.  These rules are made to upset me and I have to be careful NOT to react or he's got me.

I'm brighter than he is.  I have him figured out.  

I pray to the Almighty that I will succeed.

GRATEFUL FOR HAPPINESS

I am grateful to the Almighty for my mantra,"  I HAVE JOY.  I HAVE ENERGY.  I WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!!

This mantra helps me to connect with myself each and every day.  Yesterday, I went back to my regular scheduled private yoga session.  I was grateful.  I'm reading a good book.  I am grateful. I know how to deal with my enemies.  I am grateful.

Tonight, I'm going out to dinner with friends.  I have learned when to speak and when not to speak.  I am comfortable with myself.

Thank you Almighty for my life.

I am happy.

GRATEFUL FOR MY OWN LIFE

They say that "youth is wasted on youth." In my case, it was so true!!!   I spent my entire life trying to have him understand my dreams and goals.  

In the end, I have come to realize that he has no positive dreams.  He had no positive goals.  His dream and his goal were to tear down yours.

Thanks to the Almighty because I have come to realize this.   I now have my own dreams and goals.  I really enjoyed the Sisterhood meeting last night.  One of my goals was to attend these meetings and I am achieving that.

He is now annoying me to sell the condo.  I had dreams for that little condo. His dream was to tear down mine.  Wouldn't it be better to sell it and move ahead with my own goals???  I'm beginning to think so.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my own life.

GRATEFUL THAT I MADE IT TO TODAY

With all that was going on this summer between him and me, it is amazing that the Almighty helped me to have the wonderful summer that I ALONE DID.  As I've said these past entries, ALL THE THINGS THAT I ENJOYED, I DID ALONE.

The "HI" has helped me to understand that I CAN RETIRE, THAT I KNOW WHAT TO DO IN ORDER TO SURVIVE.

I am grateful to the Almighty that he showed me the "HI" so that I can move forward with MY OWN LIFE.

I am hoping that this is my last year at work and that I stay healthy and can reap the benefits of what I have accomplished to be able to move on to an enjoyable life that I ALONE will create for myself.  It doesn't mean that I wish him harm.  It's just that I now know that in order to ENJOY, I must do it alone.

I can never forget that when he starts, I NEED TO WALK OUT OF A ROOM!!!!!!  

GRATEFUL FOR THIS SUMMER

I am grateful to the Almighty for the many things that I learned this summer.   I believe that the Almighty must have been so frustrated with me and that's how "HI" happened.  I learned a lot from that.   I learned to walk out of the room at the slightest showing of ranting or bantering. But, most of all, I became free of the 3 people who have held me down.  I can now be independent without thinking of others, the way that was brought up to do.  This morning, I told him that if there was an emergency, he could call the main office of my school.  My goal with him was to have him hold off  speaking to me on the phone, since he has perfected a phone voice, and to work on "face time," when I came home.  I am grateful that I did not extend an invitation for the High Holidays to the girls because they don't want to come anyway and just felt an obligation.  I freed up the holidays.

As a result of all this and the many fun activities that I have had all summer, I have decided to retire.  I think that "HI" was the Almighty's way of making this happen.

As I took my walk this morning and reviewed my summer, I was grateful for what I have learned and happy that independently, I will have a future, God willing.

GRATEFUL FOR THE LAST ACT

I didn't expect this.  I came home from walking to find him in a major hissy fit.  He thinks that he is having a heart attack and he's doing the act!!!!!!   I was going to go to yoga, but I realized that he wouldn't let me do it and would be a drama-queen and create an entire act.  What did I do???

For my last act, I cried, LOUDLY AND SCREAMED TOO!!!! Some of the crying was real because it had to do with pent up anger that I didn't want to keep inside.  

AND THEN A MIRACLE!!!!!  He felt better.  I told him that "MY DOCTOR" said that I shouldn't stay in a house filled with stress, so I went on errands.  I weighed myself at WEIGHT WATCHERS which I planned to do, bought goodies there and went to CVS and bought more interesting things.

Leaving the house is costly.

Anyway the act shut him up for a while.   Tuesday is work and I'm FREE!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE ABILITY TO MOVE ON

I am grateful to the Almighty for allowing me to understand that I must begin to move on with my own life if I am to survive.   I have buried the old dreams and have moved forward.  Sometimes that can be hard, but I am going to make it.  I'm going to do this quietly so that I can fully enjoy my life.

I wish I had known this sooner.  However, I did what I thought was best and do not feel guilty about my choices.  I had nothing to work with which made it all the more difficult.

However, I am successful and have built my own quality life despite the odds.  I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR MY NEW INNER AND OUTER VOICE

I am grateful to the Almighty for all the insights that I have had this summer. Although I do have to mourn the 3 people of the past and my relationship with them,  I am looking forward to the future and my new understanding of a relationship with them.

It won't be the same.  However, it will be real.  It won't be my dream.  It will be reality.  This will help ME to move forward to enjoy the person that I have worked so long and hard to become.

I did the best that I could with the 3 of them and now the time is MINE!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR VALUABLE LESSONS LEARNED

The Almighty must have been frustrated with me all these years because I just wasn't getting it.  Talking didn't work!!!!   I couldn't see what was in front of me.

I have learned a lot of valuable lessons this summer because of   "HI" a I have named it.  I am grateful to the Almighty for not giving up and finding a way to make me "see."  I am so much better for it.

Last night a group of friends went to dinner and a book discussion.  I had a wonderful time.  I have truly moved on. It makes me laugh inside when he asks if the argument is over.  He has no clue.

I am grateful to the Almighty for not giving up on me. I have learned valuable lessons.

GRATEFUL THAT I ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES

I am grateful to the Almighty for making me a strong, capable woman who loves life.

I am happy.

I have energy.

I will have a good day.

GRATEFUL FOR ABILITY TO SURVIVE

I am going to continue to live in this house.  My mantra will be:  "I HAVE JOY!!!   I HAVE ENERGY!!!!  I WILL HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!

He does make this more difficult.  Each day, he tries to latch on to something that we can banter about.  Usually it is something that he considers an injustice to himself. 

Last night, he asked me to read and correct something.  I did it and of course was not thanked until I happened to ask if he read it.   This morning he received an 8AM phone call.  He answered it and continued to speak.  I went to walk and was then blamed for not putting a bandage on him.  I explained that I wasn't going to wait but then I did a bright thing.  I DROPPED IT!!!!  NO BANTERING!!!!!   HOW SAD!!!

Life is good.  I have learned something.

Today I have yoga, dinner out and a wonderful book discussion.

I am grateful to the Almighty for my life.

GRATEFUL FOR THE SUMMER

As is my custom, I walk every morning.  Today I began to evaluate the summer because I realized that next Monday, it's  Labor Day and then back to work.

I felt that I had a really good summer.   While it is true, I lived it mostly by myself, I am proud to say that I enjoyed many things and accomplished a lot.  

I really enjoyed the spiritualness of the morning prayer service.  It was hard to be there by 6:30, but I really appreciated it when I was told that I was number 10 and that they had a minyon. I met new people and I got to chat with some friends.

I enjoyed walking.  It was meditative and thought-provoking.  It helped me to plan my day and I loved the music on the I-POD.

I am proud to say that I was involved with 2 races.  I walked THE HEART AND SOLE RACE and went to the WORKMAN'S CHALLENGE at JONES BEACH.

I took a class.  This allowed me to complete a block of 12 for a salary raise.  It's my last block of 12 unless I see courses that I really like.  The hotel was nice and I did take it with friends.

I attended THE GREAT BOOKS LONG ISLAND DISCUSSION and drove myself there and back.  I really enjoyed the selections and the people.

I enjoyed going to the afternoon book discussions at the Plainview Library.  It was fun having lunch with my friends.

I have now given the Plainview library my e-mail address so they can notify me about upcoming events.

Speaking of library events, I went to the discussion of THE GREAT GATSBY.

I am now listening to THE GREAT GATSBY as an audio book.

This summer, I experimented with audio books and found them enjoyable.  I listened to 3 of them. One was THE GREAT GATSBY.  There was also, THE DESCENDENTS, and THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE for book discussions.

I enjoyed going to the Syosset library's book discussions.  They are held in the evening and I treat myself to dinner out.

I truly love yoga and meditation.  I went to a RESTORATIVE WORKSHOP this summer. I took a class in YOGA AND MEDITATION as well as my regular classes.

I attended the YOGA BOOK DISCUSSION GROUP.

This encouraged me to purchase a KINDLE and I've read 2 books on the Kindle.

I have enjoyed going out with friends for dinner.

I have even gone shopping with friends at the mall.

I promised myself that I would clean my closets and I did.  I even did the drawers.

I put my bank accounts on line at my bank.

I had all my charity money counted and then donated to my synagogue.

I attended a wonderful lecture about BATTLES OF THE CIVIL WAR.

My implants are done.

I got a flu shot.

It's been a fine summer.   The horrible thing that happened to me on July 31st changed my life for the better and will keep me alive longer.  The little voice is most important.  I now know that he can't be trusted and that he is deceptive.  I've learned to leave him alone.  Since they defended him and weren't there for me, I uninvited them for the holidays and I don't care anymore.  I understand thanks to my friends talking to me that he is manipulating his disabilities and I'm no longer afraid.  I have grown from this experience.  

Strange to say, I am grateful to the Almighty for this.

GRATEFUL FOR MY SCHEDULE

I went back to my Beginners Yoga Class which was always Sunday mornings.   I took a break so that he could go to Westhampton and you see how that turned out.

But, I'm back!!!!  My schedule is back!!!  Fall is coming!!!  I can feel it in the air.  Summer is by far, my favorite season, but I can't wait to get back to all my activities!!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!  

GRATEFUL FOR STRENGTH

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me the strength to deal with adversity.  Although it is difficult at times, I know that I will be able to survive with your help, love and guidance.

GRATITUDE FOR BEING ABLE TO READ

I read an article in todays NY Times about a woman who had a major stroke.  She was killed by her husband as "a mercy killing".  Before this happened, the husband was the "sick" one.  He had cancer, diabetes and neuropathy. Yet, the wife had the major stroke.

I was glad that I read this because it could have happened to me and he would say, "well, she yells too much...........she has emotional issues."

What happened to me this summer was a scare.

I must continue to be careful.

I am grateful to the Almighty for showing me this article.

GRATEFUL FOR MY LITTLE QUIET VOICE

My matra is:   I AM JOYFUL!!!!!   I HAVE ENERGY!!!!!  I WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL TODAY!!!!!

Today he began a confrontation.   I never raised my voice.   At one point I even walked out of the room.   I'm placing my mind on other things.  I'm doing very well.

I am grateful to the Almighty for learning this!!!!!


I decided to go back to my office today to get re-acquainted with MY REAL LIFE!!!

I'm back!!

I am so grateful to the Almighty!!!!

GRATEFUL THAT I'M A SURVIVOR

My matra is:   I HAVE JOY!!!!  I HAVE ENERGY!!!!  I WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

No matter what he does, I'm having wonderful, fun days.   I know exactly what to expect from him and I act accordingly.

I am a survivor!

I am grateful to the Almighty!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR LEARNING

My matra is I am joyful!!!  I have energy!!!!  I will have a good day!!!  I did!!!

My implants are completed!!!!

On the way home, he tried to bait me and he failed.

I knew what to do.

I learned.

I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR SPEAKING UP

I thought about this for a very long time.  After how little those girls did for me after the horrible thing he did to me, why was I inviting them for Jewish holidays that I observe and they don't???

The older one decided to go to her boyfriend for Rosh Hashana.  That meant that she would come to us for Yom Kippur.  Why???  So I talked to him about this in a little quiet voice.  There would be no one coming to us since he did that horrific thing to my friends.  She would be all alone.  Breakfast would consist of a bagel for her.  What a waste of time.  He agreed and cancelled her.

The other one is a thief.  Everything of value has to be locked in my truck.  Why bother?  He never like her too much anyway.  He agreed to cancel her too!!!!

I'm free to pray to Gd on my own!!!!

I am grateful that you Almighty put this idea in my head and allowed me to speak up.

GRATEFUL THAT I WENT TO YOGA TODAY

I was grateful to the Almighty that I went to a yoga class today.   I learned a matra that I'm always going to use!!!!!

YOU ARE JOYFUL!!!!!  YOU HAVE ENERGY!!!!!!  YOU WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!!

Notice that the matra is all about ME!!!!!

I also have another matra that I learned from a book that I completed for the SISTERHOOD BOOK CLUB.

NEVER SURRENDER!!!!   

I won't!!!!

I'm going to the Hamptons this weekend and will be using these matras.  They will be my intentions for each day.

I am grateful to the Almighty for leading me to yoga today!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE PSYCHIATRIST I MET

The Almighty must have been so frustrated with me.  I talked and entertained and talked some more.  Nothing changed!!!!  The talking continued!!! I became depressed.  The verbal abuse continued.  What fun it was for him!!!

Now, with one conversation from one doctor, it's over!!!!

My life is a vacation and I'm in charge.

What a relief!!!

What a blessing!!!

Thank you Almighty!!

I am grateful!!

GRATEFUL THAT I KNOW THAT EVERYTHING HAS A REASON TO MOVE ME FORWARD

I totally feel like I am on vacation.   What happened to me was horrible, but it allowed me to finally be free.  I don't owe anyone, anything.  I don't have to worry about anyone, but myself.  That has never happened to me before.  It feels so wonderful and so light.   If the horrible thing had not happened, I would be burdened and now I'm not.  It's a simple as that.  It's over!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for the horrible thing because it moved me forward.  I imagine the Almighty must have been very frustrated with me because I just didn't "see" and now I do.

I am grateful!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE

I  had an absolutely wonderful day yesterday.  I went shopping and had dinner with a friend.

Today is great also.  I went to the minyon early in the morning.  It was wonderfully spiritual.  I even got to go to Weight Watchers where, SURPRISE, I lost weight.

Now I'm off to a private yoga lesson.

Later I have Fiesta BINGO through my Sisterhood.

I have learned how to speak to him and life is good.

I am grateful to the Almighty for all this!

GRATEFUL FOR FRIENDS

What a beautiful day it is.  As I walked this morning, a friend stopped me and said that she would pick me up for Fiesta Bingo tomorrow.  I am happy to have friends.

I am grateful for this day also.   I am meeting another friend at the mall and we are going shopping and to dinner.  I am very happy.

I have succeeded in being very quiet around the three of them.

Life is a vacation for me.

Thank you Almighty for this day!!!!!

GRATEFUL THAT I WENT TO THE CEMETERY

I  go to the cemetery in New Jersey every year before the Jewish holidays.  He drives me.  His parents are buried in another cemetery close by.

I was proud of myself today, because here we were in a car, and I wouldn't let him needle me.  I practiced my "quiet voice" and kept saying that I would be walking out of a room as my "doctor" said if he did it at home.  I must always remember to have gotten a good nights sleep before I go in a car with him.

He was beyond frustrated and angered.  I didn't fold. I'm getting good at taking care of myself.

Thank you Almighty.

I am grateful.

GRATEFUL FOR SHABBOS

I did not go out east this weekend.  Therefore, I could attend services at my synagogue.

I am grateful for the day and grateful that it is Shabbos.

There was something good that came out of what they did to me.  SILENCE!!! I AM ON VACATION!!!!!

I am grateful to the Almighty for this!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR THE DAY

I am grateful to the Almighty that I am healthy and happy today.   I am creating a life for myself that I enjoy and that is the most important thing.

Actually, I'm enjoying this because all my life I have helped and taught people and this feels like a vacation.

May it continue to always feel like this!!!!

GRATITUDE FOR SURVIVAL

I'm doing what needs to be done in order to live a quality life for MYSELF.  I am proud of what I have done.

Thanks to the Almighty!!!!!

GRATEFUL FOR A PLAN

There was a plan right under my nose, but I was too blind to see it.  I had done it with my younger daughter years ago when she came back from college and didn't want to work.  She would attack me because she had to work  in order to have medical insurance.  The attack came early in the morning when I was on my way to work to upset me.  My plan was to take a walk, for exercise, when she got up and to return home after she left for work.   It worked.

I realized that I need to do that again.  I need to get up and leave when the signs are showing that he is ready to upset me or try to banter.   I need to be quiet. Growing up, I remember, my mother yelling at my father because he refused to pay bills.  My brother yelled too.  I was quiet thinking that they were both crazy.  This man wasn't going to change.  If he did for a bit, when my mother refused to make dinner, as soon as she began again the issues started.  I believed that she should leave.  I believed that he would never change.

I fall into the same pattern as my mom in the summer when I let down my guard with him.  I will be quiet because he doesn't matter anymore.  This is going to be like a vacation.

As far as those daughters, holidays will be much easier when the older one doesn't come.  The man she has chosen is much like her father and grandfather.  That's her problem!!!!!

Thanks to the Almighty for the insight!!!!!